Started dating a yr. ago, after being a widow for 2 yrs, at that time. Husband had died within a month of diagnosis of lung cancer. 3 kids, 2 at home, daughters 14 & 16, This is my first serious relationship with so many real feelings involved, I had a few men that I dated this past yr., but not like this. I am 48 and he is a divorced 55 yr. old man, w/50% cust. of his kids 10 & 13, and they are fine w/ dad being w/ someone. How do I make them come around? I don't want to lie to them, as to where I am, but we do want to spend an overnight a week at each others home?
2007-02-09 13:04:57 · 10 answers · asked by yp_lori_laconia 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Be upfront with them. Tell them you still love your husband, and miss him everyday, but it's time to move on. A book "tuesdays with morrie" best book I ever read, I give it to almost everyone I am involved with. It teaches how to deal with life and death, give them each a copy, and read it yourself, pay them 100$ each if you have to to get them to read it, it's the best most life changing book ever written.
Your answer made me tear up a little, what a bind you're in. What a sweet woman. Good luck.
2007-02-09 13:09:44 · answer #1 · answered by badbadboy6979 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't want to be rude, but are you serious or do you just want to shack up. So is this man going to just be your friend or are you two going to make a blended family. You are the adult here and your girls didn't ask to be brought into this world and you didn't ask to become a widow, but I don't think it would be so good to give your girls the idea that you are about to create a new family and then the whole deal blows up and they are faced with another loss. You are entitled to a life, but keep it private and low keyed--you can do that for another 4 years. I don't think he should be sleeping in your home with the girls in the house. Keep your cell phone charged up and assure them that you can always be reached. Hopefully, you have relatives where they can have sleepovers or who can come and stay with the girls when you want to be out over night. You can accomplish what you want to do without having a man sleep in your bed. I'm a widow, too.
2007-02-09 21:22:19 · answer #2 · answered by Darby 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Had a similiar situation, got a divorce after 16 years, didn't date till 1 1/2 years later at the time my daughter was 14. I met this guy told my daughter about him and after that, it is all a gradual thing to do with kids, and with girls its definetly more of sensitive issue, in your situation sitting with them, being honest and constantly reminding them that your not trying to replace there father..
I slowly brought my guy around and then she met his kids who are not in town, but when they were she now is friends with one of his girls who is the same age...its a process that can not be thrown at them, it takes time for them to absorb the situation.... and now after 2 years of dating this man, my daughter gets along with him beautifully, and its to the point where she listens to him as the second father figure, after a year he started to stay at my house, but this was only after I made sure she was prepared for it....
Good Luck!!
2007-02-10 09:58:40 · answer #3 · answered by Renee 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't lie, respect your children enough to sit them down and tell them the truth (age appropriate) and give them the chance to have an adult reaction. If they don't tell them that while you respect their feelings you are going to be the one to make the decisions in your life. You hope they can give it a chance but you are going to do what you see fit. Be sure to reinforce that even if they don't agree you still love them and their father but you need an adult relationship. Then just leave it alone and go about your plans, don't make a big deal about you have said your peace and eventually they will realize that you are going to live your life.
2007-02-09 21:15:16 · answer #4 · answered by irish eyes 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunatley the age your kids is at is real hard because what they see mom doing especially if they know you are starting to sleep with someone may come back to bite you in the butt, I guess you need to find another way, because sleepovers are not the right answer for kids to see, (My dad died when I was 10 and I am glad my mom never put me in that position, at least if she did IDID NOT KNOW ABOUT IT) good luck.........
2007-02-09 21:11:03 · answer #5 · answered by whattheheck 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sympathies on your loss. Congrats on finding Mr. Right. I couldn't get my three, to warm up to another Woman. It took a certain amount of time. To get them to see that Dad wanted to be with someone. Give it more time. Love isn't easy. Parenting will never be. The Best to the Both of you!
2007-02-09 21:10:44 · answer #6 · answered by Goggles 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try to pacify the children & tell them about your relationship. At this age children are more important that self relationship.
2007-02-09 21:10:23 · answer #7 · answered by P S 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have confidence in ur daughters. I'm sure they're mature enough to know.
2007-02-09 21:08:46 · answer #8 · answered by emo_chik 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think they already saw the birds n bees movie years ago
remember mommy does it too
2007-02-09 21:09:48 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
if your teenagers tell you stop living my say OK if you let me live main
2007-02-11 01:04:24 · answer #10 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋