Hey Anybody out there can give me some advice on how I can tell my mom I'm leaving!!!?

Question

I am 27 years old that has been back home with my parents since being layed off work. Business was slow so I got booted but collecting unemployment. It was hard to be back home and hard being controlled by my mother. My daily routine is talking care of my two year old, do laundry, sweep, clean up when needs, and every night I wash dishes. It's what I should do and my job. The only problem is my boyfriend lives overseas and wants me to come find a job there and be with him and bring my little. My mom is totally against it. She knows that I am serious about him and that he has transferred money when I needed it. My two year old knows him(he does not know his own father.) He is very trust worthy, and we love each other he is my best friend. So with a very controlling mother, domineering mother like mine (remember the moves "Mommie Dearest" and "Post cards from the Edge") How do you break it to her that I am leaving to be with this guy. He is going to take care of me I'm sure.

I have been looking for jobs over there. I don't think my life should be stuck here with my parents. I want my own family with the person I really love.

Answer 1

I am sure you mother has your best interest in mind. However, you are 27 and according to the law, you have your own rights, and can exercise them at will. You certainly have a lot to consider moving overseas: unemployment, a new culture, your young son, your safety. Mom, too, may be saddened by they fact that she will not see her grandchild (and daughter) as often as she would like if you did move. Maybe you, your child, and mom could plan a short trip to where you are wanting to move. Maybe once there, she would be more comfortable with the idea of you being there. At that time, you could search for employment. What skills do you have? Is going back to school an option?? It may be best to approach you mom very casually, explaining that you have your own dreams and aspirations, ideas about life, etc. and you want to pursue them at this time. She will either support you or abandon you. I certainly hope the transition is smooth for all parties.

Answer 2

First i think you should try talk to a company their and line up an interview or two. Get yourself ready and prepared for just in case. I've never seen "Mommie Dearest" or "Post cards from the Edge" but I kinda get what you mean. What I've come to understand about mothers is that they worry all the time. Seeing how you are the mother of a 2yr old I'm sure you'll agree. So I think part of her is just worrying about you.

So like I said before you go cover all your bases. A job , place to stay, child care etc.. and have a backup plan in case thing don't work out with your beaux. I bet this is what has her terrified. So know where your embassies are. Once you have this plan setup sit down and talk to her.

1- Stand your ground

2- She'll probably rant and rave. She'll probably threaten, cry, whine, throw a tantrum (hmmmm, remind you of a child?)

3- DON'T argue with her. Hold your tongue.

4- Show her your plan.

5- Let her know that your plans are set. So that she can't change your mind.

Hope it helps

Answer 3

i read most of that.. first of all, you're not taking good care of your hair. products that come from walmart destroy your hair. end of story. my guess is that your also using shampoos like pantene. my best advice is to STOP doing things at home to your hair. what the stylist did probably didn't make a big difference, because she didn't want to sacrifice any more of your hair. and no, bleach does not chemically combine well with a reaxer. in most cases, it produces a depilitory. which is why your hair was falling out in clumps. STOP relaxing your hair. invest in some good shampoo, and some weekly moisturizing protein treatments. let it grow back out to a good enough length, and then suck it up and visit the salon and have them do it the right way. box kits are designed for virgin hair. that's not to say that mixing 2 different things from walmart will always cause your hair to fall out, but it could. and it happened to you. stylists have a set amount of hours they're required to attend school before they can call themselves stylists. that's because it's not as easy as the directions on the box say it is. suck it up, wait it out, and don't be a cheapskate. p.s. i'm one of those people who went to school for it.. you should seriously trust me on this one. you're going to wind up in a vicious cycle.

Answer 4

if you think this man is really trustworthy and that you could get a job overseas, I would say to your mom "we've got to talk. I've decided to go." and then she will give you the thousands of reasons to not go and do what I call the "dangling carrots."

the dangling carrots could be "stay here and save up money"
"I'll help you so you can get back on your feet again (of course you have to pay her back for the rest of your entire life with the guilt trip she'll lay on you.)

when she gives you the thousand dangling carrotts, just keep shaking your head no. just keep shaking your head.

my mother does the same thing because she fears abandonment and uses money and manipulation and guilt trips to make us stay. but do make sure your opportunities for employment and empowerment are good for whever you go. it isn't good to be stranded.

can I say something else which might not be popular, but try to save up money before you go so that you have your own money and are less succeptible to dependancy.

Answer 5

It sounds like to me that your bf is the real deal, and if you have a kid,every Baby needs a daddy.
I would definitely travel 'cross seas.
You need to sit down and talk to your mom and your dad. You're an adult and in charge of your own life, and that's what you need to explain to them.
I had a very controlling mother and I know how hard that is.I'm 20 years old (21 in August) and live with my husband, son, and step-son and she STILL tries to control me !
I told her though, if you don't treat me like an adult, I am not going to talk to you untill you realize what an adult I am.
It's rude, yes, but she'll not be on you 24/7, bothering the hellfire out of you !

Answer 6

Where does he live? Consider the place you may get stuck if things don't work out. Then just say Mom I'm leaving on a jet plane don't know when i'll be back again. Support you and all you do right? Good luck.

Answer 7

You are old enough to leave and you should thank your mom for her hospitality and follow the man you love and when you get settled in and have a job invite her for a few days and visit. Try to find a job that has day care for the employees. Good luck!

Answer 8

You are an adult not a child. You should have gotten out long ago. It is time to declare your idependence. Say something like, "Mom, I am moving out at the end of the month. I know you don't approve but I have to live my life. I have to be able to make my own decisions and maybe even my own mistakes. I love you but I have to be on my own."

Then do it.

Answer 9

Sit down and be honest. Have a heart to heart conversation with her. Your an adult, you can make your own decisions regardless of what mom thinks. Tell her you've already made up your mind and all you are asking for is her support. She doesnt have to like it but she should support you. Be an adult about it though...don't get angry, don't lie and don't try to sneak off.

Answer 10

Thank your mom for her support and generosity. Pack up your stuff and head out. You met the man of your dreams who is offering a great opportunity that you will regret if you don't accept. I'm sure in time your mom will come around to understand your choice you made for you and your child.