I fell in love with a man who lied to me, took advantage of me for my money. I could keep going but this is not the point. He moved very far away. He is an angry man but I know in his heart that he really cared for me but unfortunately he doesn't know how to love back without hurting someone. This was 7 months ago and I was angry, hurt because of all that I did for him and this was how he paid me back by firing off an email saying I was "mean-spirited." I can't let go of these feelings of betrayal. I saw a speaker yesterday that stated that a person in order to get past this hurt is forgive and if all possible ask that person for forgiveness of any past wrongs. Since I have not been able to get over this hurt and bitterness, I emailed him and told him I was sorry for any pain I caused him and told him how important it was that he have a peaceful life. Why can't I get over the fact that I was wrong in doing this? Anyone out there who can help me tell me I did the right thing?
2007-02-09 09:42:48 · 32 answers · asked by biggestmistake03 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
I was not blameless in this relationship. I believe I caused him pain by not being upfront with him when I should have been. I was at fault for saying everything was ok when it wasn't. Yes he lied to me and I knew it and should have said something right then but I was wrong for pretending I believed him.
2007-02-09 10:16:19 · update #1
You did not do anything wrong, it just feels wrong because you don't understand it. Being able to forgive is a beautiful thing, and you just wait and see how God smiles on you, because you made that step. As family in Christ,. I'm proud of you.
2007-02-09 09:52:55 · answer #1 · answered by LENZ 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think you were right to tell him that you are sorry for any wrongdoings in the past. Maybe sending an email expressing your feelings, and wishing him well in the future can help you to move on, and that is what you need to do. Personally, I do not like to be lied to or taken advantage of, and if someone treated me with such disrespect I would not feel that person cared about me. Find something else to focus your thoughts on, join some kind of group or take a class. If you are busy with something else that has meaning in your life, you eventually won't have time to think about this person, and maybe someone else will come into your life.
And for the record, if someone lied and took advantage of me, I would be angry too. I think my attitude towards this person would be alittle more than "mean-spirited".
2007-02-09 10:04:53 · answer #2 · answered by wmfann844 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You did what you thought was right - you have forgiven him and offered the hand of peace. You cannot put the clock back and retract that apology for causing any hurt, so there is no point in dwelling on it. Let it go. IF you have caused him pain, then you know that you are now in the right place, you've apologised.
If you had no need to apologise ( and i expect this is the case) then I agree with a previous answer that you may have encouaged him in his abusive behaviour. So, if you were wrong to do so, ask God to forgive you, and receive that forgiveness.
Now, i suggest you put the past behind you. Forgiveness doesn't mean you have to have him back if he should try to get back with you.
Delete his email address and delete any messages you still have from him.
Delete his number from your phone.
if he writes to you dont reply to his letters - destroy them.
Get rid of any things of his you still have, including any photos.
good luck and God bless
2007-02-09 10:22:29 · answer #3 · answered by Star 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is right to ask some people for forgiveness that you feel guilty fro having wronged in some way. God doesn't want tus to hang on to this guilt, it limits his power in our lives. The issue is, what are you forgiving this man for? You say that you asked him to forgive you for "causing him pain in any way." This may not meld with you because you felt you were the innocent, right? I mean hey, he took advantage of you! The key is, you need to know how you have wronged him. Focus the apology on what you know you did wrong, not a broad range of "fill in the blank". That can make you feel just as robbed of a good spiritual cleansing. What I think is, you are feeling guilty for affording him the opportunity to take advantage of you, and for so long YOU didn't forgive HIM. Tell him you are sorry that you played a part in what obviously was a very painful experience for the both of you, and apologize for holding such hateful feelings in your heart for him. Then....let it go.
2007-02-09 09:59:02 · answer #4 · answered by rclorom 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The most effective way to get over the hurt and anger is to understand the causes and conditions that created him and his behavior, understand that such things are beyond your control, realize you're better off w/o him now, and you should really only ask forgiveness for any suffering or harm that YOU ACTUALLY caused, if any. The right thing for now is to develop peace and calm within your own mind and move on... be wise, altruistic and cause no harm... and may you have relief from suffering and the causes of suffering and find happiness and the cause of happiness!
_()_
2007-02-09 09:48:24 · answer #5 · answered by vinslave 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You did the right thing, and you were gutsier than me. I have several people that did me wrong, and I have tried over 20 or so years to "be forgiving", and I am for a moment, but then, I'm back to my anger at them for hurting me. And then I remember that saying I learned in church, to "forgive in the name of God" or "in the name of Jesus". And I wonder how doing that way helps any, and then, I try it, and, VOILA!! It's done. Now, that's not to mean that later on I don't come back to my old feelings of hate and revenge, etc., but then I return to forgiving in the name of Jesus, and, it's all calm and "clear sailing". From my own perspective, having dealt with this for decades, I have come to the conclusion that my human part is truly weak and wants revenge VERY MUCH, and it's only the spiritual / Christian part of me that is able to forgive, and ONLY because I call on Jesus to help me, or do it with me, to forgive her with me, because without Him, I CANNOT forgive her. Interesting though that, as I write you this answer, I recall I haven't felt so much pain or anger towards her in a while. Maybe it's because God's forgiving with me has helped "heal all wounds", and it's not really "time" that does that. I'm in no way suggesting that I am "perfectly God-like". You'd have to BE God to be perfectly God-like, but I am saying that I am more able to do something God wants me to do it, when I do it the way He says to, in Jesus' name, no matter how many times, or how long, it takes. I used to think I was just a slow learner. Now I've come to realize that that's just a human condition. That's why I need to "pray ceaselessly", or I'd be one insane, angry fool. God Bless you.
2007-02-09 09:58:28 · answer #6 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seems to me you put your best foot forward in your relationship. I believe bitterness and anger are difficult to get over and move on.
However, it does take two people to be in any relationship. I have been in some really bad ones myself. But what I have learned from them I know what to look for in the future is priceless.
I don't think you did anything wrong by emailing him. You were very kind in your email. If he replies with meanness, block him from emailing you and move on.
May God Keep and Bless you in all you do.
2007-02-09 09:50:24 · answer #7 · answered by Jo 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I believe you need to properly deal with what he did to you. You can't forgive him properly as long as you make excuses for him. Neither can you forgive him until you really face the harm he did you, what it cost you, then, when you have "counted up the debt", look to what Christ did paying for our debt, by dying on the cross, and making the decision to forgive him, living with the consecuences of what he did to you. That, of course, does not mean you should renew the relationship. Absolutely not.
You don't ask for forgiveness for pain you caused someone, but for wrongdoing on your part. If you really did something that you feel is wrong, you confess it to God, and you acknowledge it as well to the person you have wronged. However if it is a person who has wronged you in a much greater way, you acknowledge your wrong action in the context of explaining that what he did was very wrong, and that you forgive him.
EDIT:
If he lied to you and took advantage of you for your money, he did not really love you. He loved himself. He might have enjoyed you, and cared for what you meant for him, cared for your presence, but he didn't care for you. You have to live with that.
2007-02-09 09:53:01 · answer #8 · answered by Mr Ed 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you haven't done wrong, you have no need to ask forgiveness. Some speakers believe that if we feel anger, we've done something wrong. I don't believe that.
You might forgive him, which isn't absolution, but rather a decision to not harbor resentment in your head. That's something different.
In the end, you are only responsible for the wrongs you may have committed. If you wish to seek forgiveness for a real wrong, know what that wrong was. If you wish to forgive, know that doing so isn't an absolution, merely a decision to let go of your anger.
2007-02-09 09:50:14 · answer #9 · answered by Deirdre H 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Well, if you weren't actually sorry then why say so? That being said, don't dwell so much on your act, instead try to actually get over your bitterness. I guarantee you, he's not the one hurting, you are. Until you can let go and say what's done is done and move on with your life, you will always have a problem. You have already let this person take over your life once, now that he's gone don't let him continue to have that power over you.
2007-02-09 09:52:36 · answer #10 · answered by qpi 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋