ok, initially this will automatically sound wrong but hear me out please, im seeing this guy 14year older ....

Question

im 18 and i do know that he is seriously in love with me and i do love him but im so worried bout what other pepole are ghoing to be thinking that im really starting to doubt that its going to work, he thinking bout ending current relationship-becasuse hes unhappy!- bt id feel bad i think i dont know- we get on really really well and we've worked through some problems together and the only thing holding me back is what my family or peolple will think- im not usually one to care about what others think though- any advice would be really appreciated so what should i do?

Answer 1

Well, tell you the truth, I dont think it's a good idea, cause of the child rape law, as long as you two are not doing anything

Answer 2

If your having to ask!! then you already know the answer, well deep down in your heart you do. Its a difficult situation. Is this guy married and have children? If someone is unhappy in their relationship, then they shouldn't wait for someone else to come along to make them realise that, or cling to the hope, that they can escape with that person.
I personally don't think that you should not get involved on a major deep level, your 18 and seem to be on the ball about life and what you want. The worst situation for you would be to go head on into this relationship, have children, then ten years from now, look at him, as an old man, and the teenage/early twenties years that you missed out on. Its already breeding embitterment!!
If this guy breaks away from his current situation, you will both be responsible.
Take it easy, I wouldn't declare anything just yet, give it more time. If the love is true, it will conquer all. Wish you loadsa luck.

Answer 3

Age doesn't matter if it is the real thing. It'd be more of a problem if you were older than him but it is common for girls to go out with older men. If you really like him 14 years isn't that big a gap - he's only 32! All depends on how mature you are as an 18 year old as to whether or not you feel ready for the sort of relationship a 32 year old might want.

Answer 4

I was actually engaged to a guy that is 12 years my senior. I started dating him when I was 20 and we were engaged by the time I was 22. I had the same concerns at first, worrying about what people would think and what not. The only thing I would warn you about is that most older guys wanna get married and instantly knock you up (at least my fiance did). You may feel like it is right now, but when I was 23 I realized that I wanted to have fun with someone my own age. Just make sure it is what you want before it gets too committed.

Answer 5

My boyfriend is 18 years older than me. Its really difficult to be judged and unfortunately you will be judged. What really matters is how you feel and if you honestly think its right to be with this man then go for it. But you have to be sure because otherwise those people that judge will wear you down.

When I was 16 my boyf was 27. When I was 17 I started seeing a guy who was 30, then at 19 I started seeing my current boyf who was 38. He left his fiancee to be with me. I'm now 21 and he's coming up for 40. I love him to bits. Even after all this time I still get knocked down by people's reactions, but I know that he is a good guy, and that I won't find anyone I love more so I have to ignore it and remember that he's probably better than anyone they could be in a relationship with.

Be strong, if it's right then only you can know, and only you can push the relationship past the sniggers. You're family should stick by you, but let them have their opinions, its really only because they care.

Good luck!

Answer 6

It's not wrong for you to like or date an older guy, even one almost twice as old as you. I think your family may be disturbed by this when they find out, but since you're 18, you can make your own decisions. Just don't expect them to be happy about it.

Also, consider the risks to actually having a long lasting relationship. You say he's thinking about leaving another, but you two are already close enough to know you could get along... Hmmm, I don't know his situation, but it sounds like he may not be that faithful a bf. You appreciate his willingness to change relationships now, but how will you feel about that later? Won't it be a little harder to trust him?

And I have to say the track record for longevity relationships between men of 30+ and women of 18, 19 is not very good. Often that kind of move is one he makes to pretty much get out of his current situation. Not that he's not attracted to you or won't be good to you, but he may find after awhile that women his own age are still attractive and have similar life experiences that make it easier to stay together. Or even worse, he goes for another 18 yo when you turn 21! Or 25. Or 30... see that thought will always be in the back of your head.

Again I say it's not wrong to date an older guy, but it is more risky than sticking with someone closer to your age. Especially one that hasn't been known to stray.

Answer 7

2 things here ......a) hes in a relationship already? b)hes 14 years older.? Right, your 18 yrs old and maybe in love with him. All you are stressing about is the age gap not the fact he's not available. If he loves you so much why hasnt he finished his current relationship by now? Are there children involved? If it was love the age gap wouldnt even be a consideration, it clearly bothers you, thats not a basis to start anything.

Answer 8

I'm 19 and was in a similar situation and what I realised is that love is not always enough.I had just started college and was enjoying the life that goes with it, nights out,travelling and just generally having good time.However, my boyfriend was was 35 and completely unimpressed and uninterested in what I was doing.He wanted to settle down and have kids,wheras I was just starting out and wanted to live life.The best advice I can give you is to think about what you truly want and then talk to your boyfriend and see if its what he wants too.If not then I suggest you start rethinking the relationship because if you don't go after what you really want you will regret it and could end up resenting him for it.

Answer 9

Hang on - you say that he is unhappy? Do you know why this is? I think this is something you need to address first or you won't be staying together anyway.

And age doesn't make a huge difference, so long as you think you are mature enough (although I know some pretty immature 32 year old men). He might be ready to settle down which could be difficult if you haven't finished your studies yet.

Answer 10

First of all, the thing that you really need to worry about is that he still hasn't ended his "unhappy relationship", not the age thing. A man 14 years your senior has alot of experience with women, and maybe just trying to lead you on.

Answer 11

If you really love this guy then I wouldn't take any notice of what other people think, so long as you are not both married to someone else, then there is no problem. 14yrs, is not a great age difference, and you sound great together, so, live for today, go for it and be happy and f*ck anyone who is small minded enough to give you grief.