First, I'm divorced and have been for 12 years. My daughter announced she was getting married and I paid 100% of everything including a Mexican honey-moon. In all it was around 14K. Her mother and I don't get along to say the least, she was remarried 3 days after our divorce. I predicted she would not chip in or help pay for anything and I was right. However she loves to controll things. I antisipated this and was concerned she would want to have a say so I instructed the reception people to only speak to me about any changes or complaints...sure enough my ex threw a fit about the reception bla,bla, bla...and they told her to speak to the one who PAID for everything, she came up to me and I told her to write down all of her complaints and they would be reviewed at our next planning meeeting..ha, ha .was I wrong?
2007-02-09 09:13:07 · 40 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
He who pays the piper calls the tune
2007-02-09 09:20:40 · answer #1 · answered by bearbrain 5 · 5⤊ 0⤋
You did the right thing!
My oldest step-daughter announced that she wanted to be married... Her Mother and my husband have been divorced for several years... I asked her "What do you want?" and "Do you want your Mom involved in the planning?"
She told her Mom about the upcoming event and the first thing her Mom said was "Well, I don't have any money!"
OK.. so we proceeded to plan her dream wedding...
Her Mom's staunch "I'm broke" attitude would eventually come back to bite her on the butt...
The wedding invitation did not mention "Mom"... and my step-daughter's wedding and reception came off without a hitch...
Her Mom showed up... I suppose she came up with enough money to gas up her car and drive over...
I did not show her any disrespect but when the questions were asked I took credit or responsibility for everything... When she started getting pissy, I told her "Look at it this way... your daughter is happy and it didn't cost you a dime. You walked away from your kids years ago, shipped them over to live with us and they are doing just fine.. You got a b*tch... I'll send you the bill"
and we all lived happily ever after...
2007-02-09 09:52:24 · answer #2 · answered by hotrodder39 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
No, I don't think you did wrong at all. If you paid for everything you should have been in control. Hopefully, though, you allowed the bride and groom to make the choices and decisions during the planning process since it was their special time. The feud between you and your ex-wife should not affect your daughter's special days. If it did mar her wedding, however, hopefully you two can be grown-up enough to not act out at the birth of your first grandchild!
2007-02-09 13:37:12 · answer #3 · answered by sneauxflayke 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no, i dont think you did, as long as your daughter wasnt hurt, i would have at least asked your ex, if she wanted a say so, she AND HER NEW hubbby COULD CHIP IN. I DO THINK that you or your daughter could have asked to include them... it was your daughters day. i think your a great dad for footing the bill. i also believe theres a place for rivalry, and this may have not been it. she is the mom... and if you purposely didnt include her, ok. it WAS your daughters wedding... did she have a say so???financially, none of your daughters business, but weddings are about family and maybe there was a better way to do things... not sure. i believe this was not intentional on your part, so again my answer is no... and if mom wanted to be included, i would think she would have voiced her opinion... especially before the reception. good luck to the honeymooners and to mom and dad ! god bless!~
2007-02-09 10:21:47 · answer #4 · answered by kim t 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
None of that is wrong. It is most importantly, your daughter's wedding. It sounds like Mom is just trying to start something she has no right to start....why complain unless you chose to be involved!
If she was really concerned about how the wedding was supposed to go, she would have brought that up BEFORE it actually happened. Doing it afterwards makes it seem petty and totally immature, like she's just looking for a reason to throw it in your face.
You did nothing wrong.
2007-02-09 09:55:50 · answer #5 · answered by chocolateandnuts 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well done, that was very good thinking to let the reception people know in advance. More people should have your foresight!
As long as your daughter and her fiance are happy with what you're doing, then you're doing a very admirable thing.
2007-02-09 12:37:09 · answer #6 · answered by calliope320 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nope, you were not wrong.
I am so glad that you stepped to the plate and gave your daughter a wonderful wedding! Plus, you had the foresight to see a pending disaster and found a way to avoid it.
You're the best dad ever!
2007-02-10 01:34:42 · answer #7 · answered by Kristi C 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you are wrong - as long as... what you want is what your daughter wants and you aren't just doing it to get back at the ex-wife by having control. If your daughter is happy with what you have done then mom can take a flying leap, it's not her big day and she isn't spending a dime!
2007-02-09 09:22:20 · answer #8 · answered by kenchesluvr 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
You did the right thing!! That's what I'll be doing. My mom is paying for EVERYTHING, and my fiance's parents better never open their mouths because they didn't even have enough respect or caring for their son to pay a dime! Go you!
2007-02-09 09:20:43 · answer #9 · answered by LiveInLove14 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think you handled it quite well, you did not allow her to throw a fit, I'm sure your daughter appreciates it as well, she had more that enough to deal with, she doesn't need a mom would wants to have the "wedding she never had". Bravo!
2007-02-10 06:58:44 · answer #10 · answered by Lynny K 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋