i have been with tom for 4yrs and we are to marry next summer.he has been divorced for 5yrs with a 7yr old child.the problem is his exwife she treats me like a doormat(tells me what i can and can't do with thier child,talks badly about me to our freinds+family ect)and all my bf does is makes excusses why he will not stand up for me(can't control what she says,don't want to make waves for his son ect)becuase he has joint custody of his son i have to deal with her all the time.now to makes matters worse after all she does to me hes nice to her(listens to her health problems,changes his childs visatation schedule around to help her out,basicly does what ever she whats)why when he knows how upset i get does he do this?why can't he stand up to her?hes the one who left her because she was so controlling to me it seems she still is
2007-02-09 09:06:32 · 8 answers · asked by shella7687 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I think you know the answer to your question, the question is,will you leave or will you stay?I say run honey, run so fast that bf will be nothing but dust. I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but I did stay and I did put up with the ex, and I did keep hoping he would stand up and state that "we"(me and him)were happy and that she was not going to interfere with that. I knew before I married him that she would always be a thorn in our relationship,and I let myself stay in the relationship anyway. Shame on me, I should have listened to my gut feelings and believed in them. Today I am divorced from that man,it's been six years. It's taken me a long time to figure myself out,but I'll tell you what, I will never allow myself to not believe my gut feeling again. I still have issues with trust. Leave now, you deserve much more than this. Good luck.
2007-02-09 09:24:30 · answer #1 · answered by fisherwoman 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he can't defend you after 4 yrs then I wouldn't marry him! You are his new life and yes you are part of the childs life since you are involved with the father. You should stand up to her since he won't but not in front of the child. If he doesn't stand up and take his role as a man I would walk away from that relationship and never look back!
2007-02-09 10:01:05 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't worry about it. 85% of these second marriages with stepkids end in divorce anyway, so there's only a 15% chance you'll be with Tom. But how many times are you going to post this question? You've posted it time and time again- 4 times today and many times under a different name. It makes me think his ex is the normal one of the two of you.
2007-02-09 09:42:43 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Someone needs to tell the ***** that you are in this too. If you don't get any respect then don't expect it from you. You are obviously the the mature one here and she is bitter and jealous. Tell her off and tell your man that if he doesn't want to put your feelings first and if hers are more important then go back. You should not stand being disrespected not only by her but especially from him. Kids or not, the child will grow up and see all this for himself but in meantime its up to you and him.
2007-02-09 13:26:03 · answer #4 · answered by tralw2000 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, you are being selfish and of course, he would put you second to his ex wife and child. You have to realize what you are getting into. His first obligation will always be to them. Red flag for you if you don't want to deal with all of this.
2007-02-09 23:06:06 · answer #5 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he can't defend you to her after 4 years then something is wrong and maybe he's not the guy you thought he was. I'd dump him if I were you. You deserve to be in a partnership where you are treated with respect.
2007-02-09 09:14:27 · answer #6 · answered by Lisa 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you are not selfish . Of course you are selfish but that is not the problem everyone must be selfish to continue living . Our egos helps us to live we cannot live without ego. You should take the first position .
2007-02-09 09:29:03 · answer #7 · answered by xeibeg 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Welcome to your life.
You are marrying a man with baggage - and his son (and therefore what he needs to do to keep his relationship with him "safe") will ALWAYS come first - as it should.
You need to rethink if you can live with this forever. (or until the boy is 18)
2007-02-09 09:54:21 · answer #8 · answered by apbanpos 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋