how should i go about letting my 16 month old cry herself to sleep?

Question

My daughter USED to go to sleep with no problem, we used the "cry-it-out" method before and it worked for about 8 months until she got a stomach flu & I ended up putting her in the bed with me for a week. ever since she will go to sleep by herself but gets up in the night crying wanting in the bed with me. now my husband is back on day shift & we are having our 2nd baby in 10 days & the newborn will be sleeping in the same room as us. so I have to break my daughter of wanting up in the middle of the night. after getting in the bed she will sleep for a total of 12 to 14 hours so I know she doesnt have a problem sleeping. ive tried letting her cry again but it was hard enough the 1st time we did it. i still feel guilty & feel like a bad mother when i listen to her cry but i know it has to be done. what im asking is how long should i let her cry & it seems like going in to check on her just prolongs the crying so after the 1st check should i not check on her again knowing shes ok

Answer 1

You are in a tough spot, but you are going to have to stand strong and not allow your daughter to sleep in your bed. When she wakes up in the night, try laying down with her in her bed until she falls asleep or at least be someplace close by so she feels safe.

When she falls asleep, then you can return to your bedroom. If she wakes up while you are attempting to leave try patting her back to lull her back to sleep. If she continues to cry, you will have to fall back on the cry yourself to sleep routine.

I know from personal experience that this method works 100% of the time. I also know as a mother it is VERY hard to listen to your child cry out to you in distress and not do anything to help relieve the distress so don't feel guilty or beat yourself up. Just keep in mind that she is not in any type of physical pain or physical danger and you actually do her more harm by allowing her to sleep in your bed.

Think of it this way, sleeping in her own bed is one of the first steps she takes to becoming independent.

You can also get her into the habit of sleeping with something soft and cuddly. A lot of times a cuddle toy helps a child feel safe and secure and allow the child to sleep alone more at ease.

Answer 2

we went through the same thing when we move to a new house, she was 2. You just have to let her cry. I know it is hard it broke my heart too. You let her cry for 15 mins. set a timer because that is the longest 15 min of your life, in the long run it will be worth it. If it is stressing you out too much with being pregnant, have your husband go in there and clam her down and leave. Then you go some where in the house where you can here her. I know this is hard because I was there and my husband tried to help and I still had a hard time letting her cry. I just a mile stone that you have to get over for a happy child and family. My daughter now go to be after stories and song with no problem. It took about a week.

Answer 3

AW! I can sympathize! I have an eleven month old that got used to sleeping with me when we were on vacation in India visiting my hubby's family. It was either that or he was rocked to sleep - always someone there. It was quite a shock when we came home, and I hated letting him cry it out when we did it the first time around...this time was even harder as I was 16 weeks pregnant.

But, after a few weeks (because of the 13 hour time change it took longer) he got back into his routine. I know it's hard but as long she isn't screaming like she fell or someone is pinching her she's okay.

Someone said once...

There is a difference when my child says "Hey dad can you come here a minute?" And, "Hey dad can you fix the computer?" And, "DADDY! I just slipped and fell in the tub"

You can see there are different "levels" of crying for each of those. Same with our babies. It's deciphering them that's key. I found that if I checked on my son (ie. open the door) it would make his crying worse. So, I didn't. I just turned on the baby monitor if I was going downstairs.

She's just gotten used to sleeping in your bed and that's the hardest habit to break. Just be consistant and she'll snap out of it.

And, Congrats on your little one!!

Answer 4

I can't be much of a help because my 17 month old is still in bed with us. She gets so scared when left alone and I can't stand to hear her cry. I tried the cry it out thing once and will NEVER do it again. I only did it becuase that is what everyone said to do. I figure eventually she will sleep on her own. You could try falling asleep with her in her bed then sneak out when she falls asleep. This didn't work with my daugher though becuase the minute she wakes up she screams and wants us. Im 5 months prego and figure when this baby is born it will be a full bed. (Good thing its king size) I have also struggled with wanting to get her out of our bed, but I just don't feel like its the time yet. But, my husband and I have no problem with her sleeping with us. She is still and falls asleep fast and stays asleep (unless she is sick)
Good luck, you will know what is best for you and her and things will work out. I have the tendency to baby my baby too much I think....

Answer 5

Same thing happened with my daughter she was "trained" to fall asleep on her own and then we moved, she got sick. We finally had to just put a gate up on her bedroom door and let her cry until she fell asleep. I could never go back and check on her like the books say to do cause it would only prolong the crying. After a few days of her standing at the gate of her room screaming for 3-4 hours she finally gave up and started going to sleep on her own. I know how hard it is to hear them scream and cry for you, but its not helping anyone by having to share the bed with them.

Good luck.

Answer 6

What my doctor told me to do is to let her cry 5 minutes then go get her and make her happy enough to go back to sleep. Next time let her cry for 10 minutes before you go get her, then 15 minutes etc. until she gets bored of crying and goes back to sleep on her own. This worked on my daughter after three nights.

Answer 7

You should let her cry till she falls asleep, NO MATTER HOW LONG IT TAKES. Then get her up at the usual time in the morning, do not let her screw up her daily routine. You can NOT reward her crying by going in there. When my son wakes in the night occasionally I don't even go in there; if I even get out of bed it's to close his door and ours so I can't hear him as much.

Answer 8

I saw another poster had advised somethign similar to the ferber method. wait 5 min then 10 and so on. do a search on ferber method to find out more.

PS I hate letting them cry to sleep. I did mine slowly, adn I rock first and read. When they were learning to so to sleep on thier own I'd pat or just hold my hand on thier back. All 3 of mine reacted differently. Hope she has a "lovie"of some sort if not help her find one.

Answer 9

I think its important to make a distinction between abnormal and normal crying.

Abnormal crying times include: during feedings, immediately after feedings, and times when a baby wakes early out of a sound nap. Crying during these times requires attention, and child should not be allowed to "cry it out"

Normal crying times include: just before a feeding, when a baby is put down for a nap, and during the late afternoon/early evening period. The type of crying you are asking about is when going down for a nap. The duration of this type of crying is set by the child, but monitored by the parent. The American Academy of Pediatrics recognizes that: "Many babies cannot fall asleep without crying and will go to sleep more quickly if left to cry for a while. The crying shouldn't last long if the child is truly tired."

It is not unusual for a sleeping baby to occassionally begin whimpering or crying softly in the middle of a nap. Again, the words of the American Academy of Pediatrics are helpful in understanding what is going on. "Sometimes you may think your baby is waking up when she's actually going through a phase of very light slumber. She could be squirming, startling, fussing, or even crying--and still be asleep. Or she may be awake but on the verge of drifting off again if left alone. Don't make the mistake of trying to comfort her during these moments; you'll only awaken her further and delay her going back to sleep. Instead, if you let her fuss and even cry for a few minutes, she'll learn to get herself to sleep without relying on you." The Academy goes on to say that "some babies actually need to let off energy by crying in order to settle into sleep or rouse themselves out of it. As much as fifteen to twenty minutes of fussing won't do you child any harm. Just be sure she's not crying out of hunger or pain, or because her diaper is wet."

Identifying and knowing your baby's cry patterns and disposition (personal style) will hepl you learn to discern real needs.

Answer 10

We had a family bed and the kids left when they were ready, which did not take too long...When the younger one was born the older one (one year older) quickly decided it was too crowded in my bed...the younger one took a bit more time to decide but I am a bed hog and nobody likes that soooo off they went to their own bed