Advice on marrying into the Air Force...?

Question

Hopefully I get a broad range of answers, so I get a good idea of what it's like. Is anybody out there an Air Force wife? I recently got back together with my high school sweetheart, and his enlistment is up in August. He's thinking of staying in, in which case, we'd have to do some serious compromising and sacraficing, which we've never done before (that's why it failed before). He's an HVAC, and very good at what he does, he's gotten early promotions and done really well, and he likes it. I'm terrified of leaving my family, and... "following someone else", I guess. He wants to go to Europe, and see the world, and he's been told he'll get the chance if he stays. What's it like to marry into that? Is it fun? Is it boring? Do you wish he would have picked a different career? I haven't finished school yet, and its important for me to finish. Any insight would be greatly appreciated, thanks in advance.

Some of you might say I'm not ready for marriage... I'm ready to be with him for the rest of my life. Now, all I'm thinking of is what the rest of my life is going to be like, now that we're together again. I'm so lucky to have him, he's truly amazing, and I'd do anything for him. It's not a question of if I'm going to do it or not, it's more of a question of... what it's going to be like... you know? I'm an only child and my parents and I are very very close, I don't have much family. So naturally I'm a little scared to.. venture out, lol. I'm glad college will still be in the picture. As you can see, we still have some things to figure out and learn about it. Thanks for the answers so far, they're great!

Answer 1

If you are terrified of leaving your family then you won't make it. Not trying to be mean. The life of an Air Force wife is full of sacrifice. If you are with somebody you love then it is more than worth it. Make sure you have a VERY strong relationship because the military will test every part of it. The Air Force comes first and you just have to deal with that. You have to be understanding, patient, and LOYAL. It is quite possible that you will get stationed thousands of miles from home only to have him get deployed and you'll be left behind. My husband has been in for 6 years and we've been together since his 4th year mark. TDY's and deployments suck but we have a great marriage. You have to have a great foundation to build on. If you begin with a bad relationship then most likely you will not make it.

I'm not trying to scare you. I just want you to get a no BS assessment. For me, the AF life is not a total strain. I have my own life with nursing school and work. When he goes TDY, I understand that life goes on. I have a wonderful marriage and I understand that his job is demanding. I trust him and he trusts me when he goes TDY or gets deployed. He loves his job and if he is happy then so am I. Some women are not cut out for this. Being a great wife to a man who serves his country is honorable.

I hope this helps you. Love will always find a way, if it is meant to be.

Answer 2

I'm an Army wife, and I absolutely love it. There's nothing I would change about my life. (Except maybe have him home a little more!)

When we got married I still had a lot of school left. I had to take some time off, and I lost some credits transferring, but I finished my degree this year. It's very possible, and a lot of people do it. It was actually much easier to finish than it would have been if my husband had a civilian job. Because he's gone so often, I had tons of time to myself to get my work done.

It's a very difficult life, but it's absolutely never boring. We are still hoping to move to Alaska sometime in the next few years, which is something we could never afford to do if he were a civilian. You will have to give up some things (time spent with him, mostly), but you will also gain a lot too. It's hard when they have to go away but there is a lot of support through the other wives in the unit. We've made a lot of friends, and there's not too many places the Army could move us that we wouldn't already know at least one family.

One big downfall to it all is that the pay isn't great, but if you factor in some of the other benefits you get (free healthcare, allowances for housing) it kind of evens out. Plus, you have to consider what he might make in the civilian world. My husband's job has no equivalent outside the military, and he has no college, so he could never make what he does now if he got out.

It would be a huge change from whatever you are used to, but if he is really worth it, then you'll be so glad you did it! Good luck to you and your guy!

Answer 3

I could go on for days about this. I married into the Air Force about a year and a half ago, right out of high school, so I'm sure you have an idea of how old I am. I will say this to you. My biggest regret is not going to school. You must realize that no matter what, you always have yourself to fall back on, and it's important that you accomplish what you want first, just in case. If you both love each other, love will wait for you to finish school, believe me. I believe that I rushed into getting married because I "just couldn't go another day without him", blah blah blah. I'm happy, and wouldn't trade my life for anything, but I will say that I wish I had finished school. Yes, the Air Force is a little boring, but you also have a lot of benefits that most people don't get, like tax free groceries and clothes and electronics, fairly good health coverage, job security and the lot. And yes, there is sacrifice, just like there is with any relationship. It's hard to be away from your family, but then again there's your compromise. Good luck.

Answer 4

First off I'm not married, and secondly I'm a guy in the Navy, so I know what kind of position your boyfriend is in, and sort of what you're going through. In a different situations my girlfriend and I have the same issues. But...If you love this man, whether or not he's in the Marine Corps or Air Force or wherever, you follow him, if you honestly and truly love him, and he does to you. The military wife is the most burdened upon in the military...but it does manage to save your marriage and your relationship. It keeps a self intact relationship between you and your boyfriend, and maybe in the future, husband. Sacrificing and compromising is what you'll learn by marrying him. Because you will have to. He'll go overseas, and you'll be at home worrying, worrying for his safety, and your two's future. BUT...if you love him...why would anything else matter? Other than he will love you and support you and love you forever more? I can tell you from vigulant experiences from my guys who are married, there is never a boring day being a military wife, at the base you'll make plenty of other friends who are in the same shoes as you are. They have kids and they do have support groups for newly wed wives into the military. SO you will have support. Even though I can no longer serve in the Special Forces as I did for the past 10 years, I'm going into JAG -- Judge Advocate General -- lawyers for the military, and my job in JAG will also relocate and make me be stationed elsewhere...My girlfriend is 20 years old, I'm 29. She's about to finish up her degree in NY, and maybe we'll have a future...She has said that she will be willing to sacrifice her "career" and put it on hold so we can get together, and maybe get married one day. Its all apart of being in love. I've had to take a lot of opportunities down because I love her, and it is a two way street. Your high school sweetheart has probably done a lot of compromising as well, though you may not know it.

Just know that love is one thing...But being in love is another. Make sure he is THE ONE...before you make any decisions.


Good luck and congratulations.

Answer 5

I say do it. I married into the Army and from what I hear (not what is necessarily true) is that Air Force wives have it a lot easier than Army wives. Shorter deployments and what not. I'm living in Germany right now and if I can do it, so can you. It's fun at times and it's boring at times, but I do not wish he picked a different career. The military provides so many options and advancements and there is a lot of support and help for wives as well. Since you haven't finished school, you could do it online. I've been going online for 2 years now because of the moving. It works great for me.

Answer 6

Yes, you run the range of emotions as you're running around the world. Some military spouses set up a house in one spot, often near their family, and the servicemember visits as much as can. It could be a great adventure, but a military person needs not only full committment for their own peace of mind and support but especially for that kind of globe trotting. Consider all the variables. Will you put off children or have them while out there [many have been raised fine that way, they are worldly wise]? Are you sure of sticking with him through not knowing what is going on in his life when he cannot say? Do you have great communication? Without that, it would never work. Blessings.

Answer 7

Hi, I didn't marry into military but my hubby has a job that will move us around constantly and with short notice. I was lucky in that I did finish school before our first move, if you can do that I would highly suggest it. My first move was horrible and most likely yours will be too. It's just so hard to leave your home and family. My next move was easier but let me tell you I'm homesick a lot. BUT, I could not see myself without him and it does get easier. I am willing to stick by him through it all. I see this as a fun adventure. I like to meet people. I don't wish he had another career; he's great at what he does. Good luck.

Answer 8

You wrote, "I'm terrified of leaving my family"

If you really feel that way then you'd be making a huge mistake to get married to this man. This isn't criticism. There are many people like you who are perfectly happy growing up and living out their lives in a single place surrounded by familiar family and friends.

Being in the military, or married into the military, is about being able to adapt to just about anything, on short notice. You'll have the opportunity to live all over the world. You'll make friends and lose them just as fast when you, or they, move. You'll have to get used to constantly starting over all while your family is far, far away.

For a highly self confident, secure, adventurous person the military, or being married into the military, is a fantastic way to live.

Answer 9

You guys need to sit down and discuss all the pros and cons of staying in the military or getting out. I am engaged to a Navy man and it is at times stressful because you have to take care of everything by yourself when he's away from home and teh military always comes first. If you can't live without being within driving distance from your family than it will be a huge strain on you and your relationship. All this hasn't changed my decision to stay with him but just know that you will have a few rough days when you feel lonely or overwhelmed. Just take it in stride and do know that there are tons of military support groups out there. For me it is worth it.

Answer 10

First off finish school. Second you may never get the chance to travel over seas again so I would say go for it. If things don't work you can always come home but you will never know if you do not give it a chance.