How do you talk to a 4 year old about "stranger danger"?

Question

I have a very outgoing and friendly 4 year old daughter. She loves to talk to people where ever we go. She's now of an age that I feel I need to talk to her about "stranger danger", but how do I do that without frightening her, or squashing her natural friendliness? If you are a parent, how have you addressed this? Are there any good books or other resources out there which I can use to introduce the idea that there are "bad" people out there without causing her un-necessary nightmares?

Answer 1

John Walsh from America's most wanted and Julie clark (the creator of those Baby Einstein dvds) have an awesome dvd out about that!! My son understood after the first watch.. He's 4 also.. Check it out!!

www.thesafeside.com

Answer 2

When my five year old son disappeared from our yard and was gone for over an hour I decided that being at least a little scared might be a necessary evil. We had to call the police but, he came home right before they got there(he went into the home of a new little boy) I had the police talk to him anyway. We didn't use any kind of books but, we reinforced what they told him. We tolld him that there were people that took kids away from their families and didn't bring them back ever. We also stressed that bad people don't always look like bad guys and can be male or female. He never said that he had nightmares about it and he was just as outgoing and friendly. I think that we had one big kind of scary talk with him and then much more gentle reminders to kind of balance it.

Answer 3

I have two pretty outgoing kids, ages 3 & 5. My husband is a corrections officer, and he's dealt with a number of inmates who were jailed because of crimes against children. He even had an alleged pedophile ask him about his children. It was very disturbing! As a result, I've been pretty blunt with our children regarding this subject from the time they were old enough to hold a conversation! I've told them that there are good people and there are bad people. And that there are some bad people who will hurt children (no need to go into details here). I've also told them that you can't tell if someone is good or bad by looking at them. That is why they must always stay by Mommy or Daddy, they must never go anywhere with someone they don't know-- no matter what that person tells them. When they play in the backyard (even though I'm continuously peeking out the windows at them) they know if anyone approaches our fence they are to shout for me immediately. My husband drills them on the subject too, saying "What do you do if someone you don't know comes and tells you your Mommy is sick and he's going to take you to her?" To which my son (the 5 year old) replies "Don't believe him and run!" We've also talked about what they should do if someone they don't know grabs them and tries to take them. That they should fight, kick, bite, scream, scratch-- whatever they need to get away and then they should run.

I understand your concern about causing fear and nightmares, I had the same concerns. But my fear for their safety in this screwed up society was stronger than that concern. Fortunately, I've been happy to find that they haven't had nightmares, and they don't seem particulary afraid of people. They still talk to people in public, but I've found that they are more likely to watch me for an okay before they start chatting. And they really like to talk about the subject, sometime my son will even ask me "Can we talk about what to do if a stranger comes?"

Good for you for thinking about it-- in our pedophile-rampant society, it's an incredibly important education for children.

Answer 4

You have just described my grandson. He is TOOO friendly. He immediately walks up to a stranger and says "Hi, my name is....". No matter what we have done/said, he continues to do this (he is now 6!!). We just keep a tight hold on him. Now, a 4 yr old is too young for this, but remember a few wks back on the News about the two boys that were found (one after 4 yrs!), well he heard that story and started asking me questions -- I believe he is 'starting' to get the idea that there are bad people out there. We can only hope and pray that what we say to him sinks in. Until then, just keep a good hold on her. Good Luck.

Answer 5

My mom encouraged my intuition and told me to listen to my "uh-oh" feelings. I tell my kids that there are some people out there who are bad, most people are not but it's still important to be careful, and never go anywhere with a stranger, or approach a stranger in a car, but it's okay to meet people and talk when mom and dad are with you, etc. I tell them if they get lost in a store to go to someone who works there, and when they're older I explain some different ways "bad" people have tricked other kids (can you help me find my puppy, etc.)
I think the important thing is to explain these things somewhat casually and without a scary, dooming tone of voice. I don't want to instill fear, just encourage caution and awareness.

Answer 6

Oh I know what you mean. I think its so tragic that we have to teach our kids about this so young, but I started working with my son when he was just 2.

We run through senarios where someone asks to touch his penis or asks him to touch their penis. He practices screaming "NO!" just as loud as we would want him to scream it in that situation. And we run through all the different tricks that violaters use--asking the child to find a lost dog, offering them candy, etc.

We've discussed the difference between a surprise and a secret. A secret is bad because you don't tell anyone, a surprise is okay because eventually the person finds out (like a present).

Our son knows that if he gets lost, the people its okay to ask for help from are police officers and other mommies with kids.

We just try to go over these things again and again, just like we do with numbers and letters. I don't think it freaks him out, its preparing him.

Answer 7

i thought i'd try to be helpful, my son is only 2 and half, and i didnt want him to be afraid of people, so i taught him a little game. When we are not at home, say up the shops, his name is Garfield. When anyone asks him for his name, he says his name is Garfield, and he is not to be friends with anyone that does not know his real first and last name (he's a pretty clever 2 and a half year old) and I taught him my first and last name in case he should ever get lost, he can tell someone who his mother is.

Answer 8

Very simple. Find a character in one of her favorite books or cartoons or DVDs that is "bad". Explain to her that just like that character, there are "bad" people in the world who are very mean to children.

Explain that when she is not with Mommy or Daddy, she is not allowed to speak to people she does not know, in case one of those "bad" people are out there. But if she is with Mommy or Daddy, she is allowed because Mommies and Daddies are able to tell which ones are "bad". That way, she will have a natural fear when she is not around you, and she will have more trust in you when you are there.

She will need to have a little fear because thats how children learn, but you dont need to squash her natural outgoingness. (Children dont really learn not to touch hot stuff until they burn themselves)

Answer 9

With my kids I refer to paedophiles as 'weirdos'.
From a very young age, i told them it was ok to trust how they felt. Have you ever noticed when someone walks up to talk to your child and they just hide behind you or cry, when usually they are friendly?
I explained that they dont talk to strangers without Mummy or Daddy there, never accept lollies from anyone or go into someone car, never go with strangers if they say they know Mummy or Daddy. If they get lost in a shop to find a police men, go to the checkout or find a Mummy with kids and tell them.
Even from shopkeepers that have known them their whole lives, my daughters wont accept lollies off them. At first the shopkeepers were a bit puzzled and upset, but I explained that my children were taught not to accept lollies from strangers, so the shopkeepers ask my daughters if they would like a lollie, then ask me if they are allowed to and then give me the lollie so I can give it to my children. The shopkeepers were amazed that even as toddlers my children knew not to accept things.
I explained that wierdo's look like everyone else, they can be men or women or kids. They dont have to look scary. And they take kids away from their parents and do bad things to them and they never see thier parents again. So its better to just stay with Mummy and Daddy so we can protect them.
We practise what to do if someone try's to grab you or trick you with lollies etc. It gives them tthe confidence to actually do it if it ever happens. They know if they are down the street to run into the nearest shop and tell the shopkeeper what happened so they can call the police.
Not that I let my children out of my sight as they are 6 and 4 but in case anything ever happens they know what to do.
They get a little bit scared at first but get over it. As long as they know what to do and how to handle things then that builds their confidence.
They are still very friendly girls, but if someone tries to talk to them when we are out and they dont like it, they hide behind me or tell me a wierdo is talking to them. So I ask that person to leave them alone as they are shy. That way the person isnt insulted and your child feels protected.

Answer 10

she won't evem remember