I split up with a guy a week ago having been seeing him for 7 months. 10 days ago we were talking about buying houses together but then he got an ear bashing at work as he's not been meeting targets in a high pressure job. Over the past 7 months he's had a close family member die, his mum had a big operation & so have I followed by lots of other health problems. Do you think it's just a case of it's all got too much for him or should I try to move on? He's always been the one pushing for commitment before & says I'm the only girl he's ever been in love with. I am now very confused but know I'm madly in love with him. HELP!
2007-02-09 08:34:44 · 18 answers · asked by ATP 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I split up with a guy a week ago having been seeing him for 7 months. 10 days ago we were talking about buying houses together but then he got an ear bashing at work as he's not been meeting targets in a high pressure job. Over the past 7 months he's had a close family member die, his mum had a big operation & so have I followed by lots of other health problems. Do you think it's just a case of it's all got too much for him or should I try to move on? He's always been the one pushing for commitment before & says I'm the only girl he's ever been in love with. I am now very confused but know I'm madly in love with him. HELP!
NB: It was his decision for us to split, I was more than a bit devasted!
2007-02-09 08:50:49 · update #1
Oops.. can you tell I haven't asked a question on this answers thing before!?
2007-02-09 08:51:43 · update #2
This year i had 2 close, elderly relatives each die in hospital after 4 months suffering. We visited nightly and each afternoon. The pressure made my 74 year old mother ill. I have also had a 3 year legal battle for access to my daughter. And work got on top of me at the same time.
I'd say from experience that he needs space, and a friend right now. The commitment was probably the final straw and he snapped. 2 months should see things in a position where he will be ready to get back, or its dead in the water. Try to wait and see without pressuring him.
I got lucky, she waited for me.
2007-02-09 08:49:37 · answer #1 · answered by Subic 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Let him know that you are there for him because you love him and will give him the space he needs. If he is needing space, if he's splitting up with you to break up with you then I would figure you should try and move on with your life.
My guess is he's just very overwhelmed with all that is going on, plus if you say that 10 days ago he was willing to make this BIG commitment? Sometimes men scare themselves a little when they feel like doing this. Mine gets the same way before he makes a big decision, he talks about moving in together, then he needs a few days to a week alone to assess what is happening, then he's ready to move forward, and so on and so forth in all progressive relationship stages. I respect his need to do that because I feel he's really taking this decision to heart and he's just doing it based on emotions on the fly.
Good luck to you, I hope it all works out for the best.
2007-02-09 18:03:02 · answer #2 · answered by Heather S 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Considering all he has been going through, I would consider him actually needing space. In another situation I would probably tell you to prepare to move on. Give him the space he needs and maybe in time he will have a lot of that pressure eased and be ready to become reinvolved in a relationship with you. I cannot say an exact time frame, but I think it will be apparent as time does go by whether you need to let go. I would give him some time for now.
2007-02-09 16:41:34 · answer #3 · answered by kalea_kane 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If in the past 17 months all these problems have occurred then you really should reconsider especially if he is a great catch. Relationships that can handle the stress of life are the ones that survive. Figure out if you want him and if the answer is yes then fight to keep him and support him in his time of need.
2007-02-09 16:41:01 · answer #4 · answered by Michael K 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you don't say who ended the relationship but sounds like he is under a lot of pressure anyway does he know how u feel about him because if he has wanted commitment in past he may feel u don;t want the same things is it possible for u to speak with him if not write him a heart felt letter, telling him exactly how u feel u will find out then how he feels if he gets in touch.
2007-02-09 16:51:05 · answer #5 · answered by jacques 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
he's gone through a lot in these past few months. give him some space, just be there for him as a friend, give him support. once all these challenges are out of the way, i'm sure ur relationship will pick up again. Good luck.
2007-02-09 16:47:14 · answer #6 · answered by rambo 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's up to you to convince him that you don't care if he loses his job, ends up broke and living on a sewer grate--you'll still love him no matter what.
That's what it's all about--standing by each other through good and bad times. If he can't deal with bad times with you then yes--you should move on to someone else who will stand with you at all times and you'll stand with him. What if you were in his position?
He hasn't even lost his job yet--maybe give him some space if he wants it--just ask him what he wants out of your relationship at this time. I know for me I'd want someone by my side through the rough times--call me clingy I guess.
2007-02-09 16:46:56 · answer #7 · answered by Mr_B 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hi give him some time love he is obviously confused at the moment.don,t push him but tell him that you are there if he needs you .if he is serious about your relationship it will be you he comes looking for but let him work it out in the meantime occupy yourself with things that interest you and may be have a night out with your friends ,you be a shoulder to cry on but not a lap dog ok?
2007-02-09 16:50:04 · answer #8 · answered by Ken M 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I've read your question but I'm not sure what transpired here, you say you left him but then you say maybe it's a case of too much for him. WHAT HAPPENED? Based on your details it is hard to tell you anything specific... All I can say is if you love the man, you stand by him despite what life throws at him.
2007-02-09 16:41:44 · answer #9 · answered by Jennifer M 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask him if there's anything you could do to help him. Offer to give him some space. Make sure you do this in a calm, concerned voice. And let him know that you love him a lot (if you don't, say you care about him a lot) and you want to help him through this.
2007-02-09 16:38:56 · answer #10 · answered by Dr. Dana 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋