My son is 16 months old and his father just moved out. We decided we needed some time apart. Him and our son were so close and now he only sees him on saturdays because he works 6 days a week at night so he sleeps all day. My son wanders around the house all day looking around corners, in closets and under the covers yelling "daddy where u?" It breaks my heart. And everywhere we go he grabs men's coats and their pant legs to see if they are his daddy. how do i explain to a 16 month old that daddy isn't here anymore. He's way too young to understand anything i tell him.
2007-02-09 07:44:39 · 10 answers · asked by ProudMommy05 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
This question just tugs at my heart. My 20mo old just adores his Dad. This must be so tough for all of you.
First of all, shame on those who are criticizing you for making "choices" that "hurt" your child. They have no idea what the circumstances are. And, if they were really concerned about your child's welfare, they would suck up their personal issues and try to help your child by actually answering your question.
Your 16 mo. old understands more than you give him credit for. Keep talking to him. Don't make excuses, just explain like you would to an adult, but on simpler terms. (ie. - Daddy loves you VERY much, but he doesn't live at our house anymore. Daddy and Mommy were sad and now we can all be happier b/c Daddy is living somewhere different. Your Daddy will always be your Daddy and will always be your friend.) Be sure to re-assure him constantly that neither of you will EVER leave him alone. He will always get to be with you (Godwilling). Kids this age can learn a lot thru repetition.
Try to really schedule some special time for your son and your husband. Stick to a schedule and a really solid routine. It will help create stability and some sort of comfort level. All kids love a routine. It makes the world seem stable for them.
Maybe you could schedule a daily phone call. My son started really liking to hear voices on the phone around that age even though he didn't get it that he could talk back. Can your son's dad call each night at bedtime to say goodnight and remind him that its 3 more days, 2 more days, 1 more day until they get to be together?
If its still hard, consider talking to a counselor who specializes in children's needs. They might be able to assist with the transition.
Be caring, be persistent, be understanding and be loving. These are things that we all need when we are dealing with change... especially those with little bodies and big hearts.
For all of your sakes, I hope that you and your son's dad are able to work things out. But, good for you for being able to keep things civil and personable and putting your son's best interests first. As long as you and your son's dad can continue to always do that, your little boy will get through this.
Best of luck and God bless.
2007-02-09 08:45:04 · answer #1 · answered by Amalthea 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Keep pictures in ziploc bags that he can look at and hold. Tell him daddy is not home today so he can start to learn that concept. My 18 month old can now tell me "daddy work" when he can't find him at home and he tells his day care teacher that "mommy works" during the day. They can grasp more than you realize-he just needs to know that there is no reason to search for daddy all day, it will make it easier for you both. Aks your husband for a shirt or something of his that your son can wear. Maybe even ask him to get a teddy bear or similair toy and sleep with it for a few days so it smells like him and your son can have that to love on. It will be tough but he will adjust. Give it some time.
2007-02-09 15:55:40 · answer #2 · answered by VAgirl 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe try telling him daddy went bye bye and that daddy will see him in so many days.. if its wednesday say 3 days and say saturday so he knows that saturdays the day he will see him. At 16 months i dont think hes pulling at coats and pants to see if its daddy that might just be mammas guilt shes putting herself throw. Since he's just a baby still maybe try to spend some more play time with him to distrack him. Because hes a baby doesnt make him stupid... he isnt going to forget about daddy but at that age hes easy to side track. All you can do is your best and nothing you say or do is going to be wrong if done out of love for your child. Dont you wish when he was born he come with directions!?
2007-02-09 15:54:48 · answer #3 · answered by letthepartybeginnow 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately a 16 month cannot understand reasoning, but they are extremely resillient and will adjust. Make sure that he feels secure and comfortable at home and he will make the adjustment more easily. It might also be worthwhile to try to get the father to make more time availble for his son than just one day a week if at all possible.
Just be sure to not say bad things about the father in front of your son. And make sure that you and the father talk about what is best for your son, including him not saying abd things about you. The two of you need to make a pact that the well being of your son comes first. Too many kids end up becoming the rope in a game of tug of war.
2007-02-09 15:59:11 · answer #4 · answered by 12341234 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How sad that you and the babys dad can't get along well enough to have him in your sons life. You can't explain to a 16 month old that his dad is not going to be around anymore. He won't understand. Too bad you and the father didn't wait to have a child before you decided to break up housekeeping. I feel so sorry for your son. Maybe the dad could make more of an effort to see his son. I understand that he works long hours, but see if he could come over during the week for a hour or so to see his son.
2007-02-09 15:57:30 · answer #5 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I don't think there really is a way to get him to understand. I'm going through the same thing with my 2 year old, except my kids don't see their dad at all right now because there's a restraining order.
I've explained to my kids that daddy doesn't live with us anymore, but it's not because he doesn't love them. That he loves them very much and he will see them as much as possible.
I would also recommend trying to occupy as much of your son's time as you can with the park, stores, games, stories, etc., to help get his mind off of it.
Good luck with this, I know how heartbreaking it is.
2007-02-09 15:51:01 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ah thats so sad my daughter is 16 months also and she loves her daddy so much.
You can't make him understand, just talk about daddy lots and look at pictures with him, eventally he will get used to only seeing daddy once a week
2007-02-09 15:49:24 · answer #7 · answered by cigaro19 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sadly I know that pain from the other side. I never really knew my father for almost 6 years of my life. He was in my life at that young age and left when I was 3. There is no real way to make him understand...share your love and care for him. Good Luck and Hope it all ends well.
2007-02-09 15:55:57 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Although it's sad, I'm sure you had a good reason for leaving and that is what will be beneficial in the long run. Don't stay in a bad relationship.
2007-02-09 15:53:29 · answer #9 · answered by Cristine D 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You and your husband chose to do this! you should have thought about who would get hurt the most!!!!!!
2007-02-09 15:51:53 · answer #10 · answered by Domino's Mom 5 · 2⤊ 5⤋