I recently found out (when he answered my question; I was not snooping on him or anything) that my boyfriend of 11 months still clicks the links in his match.com emails and looks at profiles.
He has removed his own profile, and no longer pays his account. He says that he is not "looking for anyone else" but that he just looks periodically because he is "curious". He said he would stop doing it if it bothers me.
On the one hand, I believe him, but on the other, I feel like I can't trust him now.
Can you guys explain this to me ? It seems to me that browsing personal ads is the definition of looking for someone else ....
2007-02-09 07:35:37 · 16 answers · asked by tmel123 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Yeah he is definitely shopping around. Why else would he do it. Sorry, Good Luck.
2007-02-09 07:39:33 · answer #1 · answered by stagger_lee1974 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
browsing and replying are 2 different things. Although "match.com" is a dating service.. maybe he really is just looking. Some people have some outrageous profiles you know! If he says its not a biggie and that he would stop if it bothers you, then thats a good thing! I'd have to say that you should trust him on this one =)
2007-02-09 07:40:45 · answer #2 · answered by insearchofsolace 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay you believe him but you not sure if you trust him. Excuse me but that makes no sense. You either believe him and trust him or you don't believe him and so you don't trust him.
Men are visual creatures by nature so we like to see whatever we can see. I say this because he likes to look at women. I suppose he takes this route because at least this way he is not on a porn site. I am in a relationship and I have pictures of all types of women saved on it. I don't have the pictures because I plan to cheat but because I think they are beautiful women and I like to look at them. That's all it is and all that it will be.
Look at it this way and I don't understand why women stress them out so much about this. If a man is gonna cheat on you it's not gonna matter if you all up in his face or not. He is gonna do it with you watching his every move or with you going about your life. Save yourselves the trouble of watching, snooping,and showing your man you really have no trust in him at all. I mean if a man was all into everything you did, where you went, who you went with, don't talk or look at this or that person I am sure you would think him to be insecure. Worrying about your man cheating is not gonna stop him.
More importantly he told you. You know he could have lied and said no but he didn't he was honest. Instead of focusing on that you chose to doubt him based on what? It all sounds lame to me. Don't punish your man for his honesty because if you keep focusing on the negative he is sure to lie next time to just avoid the drama.
2007-02-09 07:57:03 · answer #3 · answered by Wordsmith 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's likely become a habit. I do similar things even though I am married and deeply in love. I am not looking to "upgrade" or anything like that, it's just a curiosity thing to see what people type......it's sorta like voyeur.....taking a sneak peek into peoples lives, Think of it like watching "desperate housewives, or sex in the city" or what ever soap you watch........Or if you see a really hot guy walk by, you look don't you. It's just looking, not looking with the intent to act, just looking out of curiosity
There is nothing wrong with looking, it is human nature, as long as he is not acting on it, and not contacting the people, you are fine.
2007-02-09 07:49:08 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My boyfriend dose the same and it pisses me off and I told him i didn't want to tell him to stop it was his own choice and i only wanted him to stop if he was willing. Well now we live together and he knows it bugs me. He always said he would stop too and still hasn't. He also has the apperance of a single life on his myspace........I think guys just can't give up the single life even if they are keeping it in there pants for you and only you. They like the attention that they get from these women and they all like too look because they like varity unlike us who can settle for looking at one guy forever.
2007-02-09 07:48:53 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm married, and I do stuff like that....granted, I don't do it often, but I'll browse through like the craigslist stuff, just because some of them are pretty funny.
I would never try to pursue any of those ads though. I love my wife dearly, and would rather just get a divorce than go behind her back.
2007-02-09 07:39:59 · answer #6 · answered by allthree 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he says he would stop doing it if it bothers you, explain to him calmly that it bothers you. If he still doesn't stop, then ask him what it is about the site that interests him. Does he need that connection online to network? Maybe he could switch to MySpace or Friendster; sites that are not romantic-centric. If he doesn't agree, perhaps you should consider not dating him, or telling him that you want to see other people. If he is, why shouldn't you?
2007-02-09 07:42:19 · answer #7 · answered by Princess Leia 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that if he's decent in all regards, let this one go. The e-mails came and it doesn't seem really unnatural to look at them.
I'm assuming that you have a real, non-sleeping with relationship with your boyfriend though, and if not, then nothing really matters anyway.
2007-02-09 07:41:01 · answer #8 · answered by Joseph C 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dont see why this is a cheating issue or anything.
Trust is that he even said that if its bothering you then he would stop.. if you said "yes stop please" and he agreed THEN kept doing it would be miffed..
but have you seen the profiles on Match.com? hah there are so many phoney people on there that its kinda hilarious to read them :)
2007-02-09 07:39:16 · answer #9 · answered by Prof. Timpo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's what he is doing, looking for someone else.. Don't trust him, he should be curious if he has you.. He landed you and that should be enough..
2007-02-09 07:40:29 · answer #10 · answered by crazgrss 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋