Children in church
A little boy was in a relative's wedding.
As he was coming down the aisle, he would take two steps, stop,
and turn to the crowd.
While facing the crowd, he would put his hands up like claws and
roar. So it went, step, step, ROAR, step, step, ROAR, all the way down the aisle. As you can imagine, the crowd was near tears from laughing so hard by the time he reached the pulpit. When asked what he was doing, the child sniffed and said, "I was being the Ring Bear."
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One Sunday in a Midwest City, a young child was "acting up" during the morning worship hour. The parents did their best to maintain some sense of order in the pew but were losing the battle. Finally, the father picked the little fellow up and walked sternly up the aisle on his way out. Just before reaching the safety of the foyer, the little one called loudly to the congregation, "Pray for me! Pray for me!"
_____________________Have any funnies to share?
2007-02-09 07:29:24 · 28 answers · asked by lookn2cjc 6 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination,
>>>
>>>looking at the old pages as he turned them.
>>>
>>>Then something fell out of the Bible.
>>>
>>>He picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from
>>>a
>>>
>>>tree that has been pressed in between the pages.
>>>
>>>"Mama, look what I found," the boy called out.
>>>
>>>"What have you got there, dear?" his mother asked.
>>>
>>>With astonishment in the young boy's voice he answered, "It's
>>>Adam's suit".
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My grandson was visiting one day when he asked , "Grandma, do you
>>>know
>>>
>>>how you and God are alike?"
>>>
>>>I mentally polished my halo, while I asked, "No, how are we
>>>alike?"
>>>
>>>"You're both old," he replied.
2007-02-09 07:30:34 · update #1
Robert K
TOO CUTE! Thanks for sharing!!!
2007-02-09 07:42:16 · update #2
Doug
I would liked to have been a fly on the wall when your sister said that to her teacher! Goodness!!
2007-02-09 07:47:17 · update #3
cheapscate!
Thank you so much! YOU'VE made my day, Honey!!
2007-02-09 07:51:17 · update #4
Those are great. Thanks for the smile. =D
I thought these were good too...
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A Sunday School teacher asked her little children,
as they were on the way to church service,
"And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?"
One bright little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping."
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The preacher was wired for sound with a lapel mike,
and as he preached, he moved briskly about the platform,
jerking the mike cord as he went.
Then he moved to one side, getting wound up in
the cord and nearly tripping before jerking it again.
After several circles and jerks, a little girl
in the third pew leaned toward her mother and whispered,
"If he gets loose, will he hurt us?"
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Six-year old Angie and her four-year old brother,
Joel, were sitting together in church.
Joel giggled, sang, and talked out loud.
Finally, his big sister had had enough.
"You're not supposed to talk out loud in church."
"Why? Who's going to stop me?" Joel asked.
Angie pointed to the back of the church and said,
"See those two men standing by the door?
They're hushers."
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A ten-year old, under the tutelage of her grandmother,
was becoming quite knowledgeable about the Bible.
Then, one day, she floored her grandmother by asking,
"Which Virgin was the mother of Jesus?
The virgin Mary or the King James Virgin?"
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A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said that it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal, its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, “When I get to heaven, I will ask Jonah.”
The teacher asked, “What if Jonah went to hell?”
The little girl replied, “Then you ask him.”
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A kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child’s work. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The girl replied, “I’m drawing God.”
The teacher paused and said, “but no one knows what God looks like.”
Without looking up from her drawing, the little girl replied, “They will in a minute.”
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A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year-olds.
After explaining the commandment to “honor thy father and mother,” she asked, “Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?”
Without missing a beat, one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, “Thou shall not kill.”
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One day, a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of gray hair sticking out in contrast to her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and asked curiously, “Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?”
Her mother replied, “Well, every time you do something that makes me unhappy or upset, one of my hairs turns white.”
The little girl thought about this for a while and then said, “Momma, how come ALL of Grandma’s hairs are white?”
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All the children in the class had been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
“Just think,” she said, “how nice it will be when you are all grown up and say, ‘There’s Jennifer, she’s a lawyer,’ or ‘Look, that’s Michael, he’s a doctor.’”
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, “There’s the teacher, she’s dead.”
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A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, “Now class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.”
“Yes,” the class said.
“Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position, the blood doesn’t run into my feet?”
A little fellow shouted, “’Cause your feet ain’t empty.”
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The children were all lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples.
A nun made a note and posted it on the apple tray, saying, “Take only ONE, God is watching.”
Moving farther along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note that said, “Take all you want, God is watching the apples.”
2007-02-09 07:47:07 · answer #1 · answered by RidiculousTallness 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
lol at the ring bear thanks alot i needed a good laugh
okay i have a joke it goes like this now keep in mind catholic priests give the sign of the cross anyway in this joke the going down means if you jump the going across means you're screwed but this part is for the ending so here goes the joke now a priest is walking down the street so one guy goes over to the preacher and says i have a bad alcohol problem help me father so the preacher tells him to say 10 hail marys and then gives him the sign of the cross and tells the guy be on your way so now the priest is walking down the street and another person says father help me i have a gambling problemn so he tells the person say 5 amazing graces and then gives him the sign of the cross and says be on your way my child so now the priest is walking down the block and he sees this guy on top of a building and he's ready to jump so the guy sees the priest and says hey father do you have any last things you want me to know okay are you ready remember what i told you about the cross going down means if you jump going across means you're screwed so the priest gives the guy the sigh of the cross so the guy jumps off the building and man does he hit the pavement hard so the priest passes him by and the guy is groaning like oh father i'm dying why did you bless me when i was gomnna jump so the father tells the guy well i never blessed you i said if you jump you're screwed i hope you get the joke it's pretty funny
2007-02-09 07:57:48 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
A righteous man dies and goes to heaven. St. Peter meets him and begins to show him around. After walking down the street for a bit they come to an impressive home. The pair hear a pianist playing softly and see people inside sipping white wine and eating finger sandwiches.
"Who lives here?" asks the man.
St. Peter answers "They are Episcopalians, they are having a party."
The man and St. Peter walk another block and come to a frat house. The faucets run with tequila and there are enough naked women to make Hugh Hefner blush.
"Whoa!" says the man, "Who lives here?"
This is the local Amish chapter house. They never had any fun on earth, so they make up for it here."
After walking for only a little longer St. Peter hisses "Quiet! Hurry, Hide in the bushes."
The man asks "Why? What is going on?"
Then St. Peter says "See that house off in the distance? That is where the Catholics live and they think they are the only ones up here!"
2007-02-09 07:44:27 · answer #3 · answered by Adoptive Father 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well... I've been really ill all day, yet still had to go to skool. Plus my hamster died today :( So didn't really feel like smiling. :( Of course, I did have the chance to smile a bit. I was made to do 2 mock German orals and did well in them, despite being terribly ill. Yaaay
2016-05-24 02:15:51 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I liked the Midwest City one...hehe
An Atheist teacher and a Jesus lovin' kindergartener are having a discussion---
Teacher: Dogs evolved into whales, children.
Child: I believe that God created whales, Mister.
Teacher: Really? Why is that?
Child: Because Jonah got swallowed by one of them a long time ago.
Teacher: That doesn't prove it. How do you know Jonah? He is dead, right? Can you talk to the dead?
Child: No Mister..
Teacher: Well then how do you know? You never will. Jonah went to Hell because he was a sinner.
Child: Well Mister, You can ask him when you get there...
-----
Real story.
That child was my older sister.
*chuckles*
2007-02-09 07:36:21 · answer #5 · answered by Doug 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you just did :)
A little boy stared at a plaque in the foyer of his Church. Names of fallen soldiers were boldly displayed for all to see. The pastor saw the child staring intensly at it and saw the chance to maybe relay a message. Approaching the child he says "remarkable, isnt it?". The child asked in his innocent fashion " who are they?" The pastor leaned over and looked the child in the eyes and told him" they died in the service......" before he could finish the child began to run for the door and the pastor yelled " where are you going?" The child called back " if they died in service im not going in there!"
2007-02-09 07:32:41 · answer #6 · answered by Robert K 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
ahhaha you wanna hear somethin REALLY funny??
a few years ago, while in church, i decided to sit wit someone other than my lil 2 year old brother. he was a "sissy's boy" so he kept tryin to come sit wit me.
well he finally got away, and decided to run around the church, up and down the aisles, under and over pews, screaming at the top of his lungs "SISSY!! SISSY!!" bless the preacher, he kept preaching, but was laughing, too. i finally caught my brother, and he got a beating, but i think everyone will always remember -that- service!! LOL!!!
R.I.P. "Cody"..ma lil bro '95-'05
2007-02-09 07:43:36 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Brava, Brava! Thanks. You did a splenderific job!!! I'm sad cuz I am missing a school dance tonight, but, thanks to you, I'm just a little bit happier. I'm also going to the Globetrotters game tonight which also helps. But, no, I have no funnies in me. Keep 'em comin. :)
2007-02-09 07:36:05 · answer #8 · answered by Miss §hopaholic 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you can make me smile. Children are a blessing...thank you for a smile!
2007-02-09 07:33:40 · answer #9 · answered by Suzee 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I like the Adam's suit one. :p
2007-02-09 07:35:27 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋