what to do about a meddling mother?

Question

My mother always tries to tell how to raise my chilren (we have 5), and she overtly favors the oldest one (a boy). My husband says I should tell her she's not welcome in our home until she changes her ways, but it's my mother and I love her. What should I do?

My husband is in the Army and we live 2 states away from her and she is always putting me on a guilt trip about not seeing the grandkids and who's going to take care of her. She also tells our oldest son that my husband isn't his father but stepfather (technically he is, but has been the man to raise him since he was 3). She poisons my children's minds about my husband (she hates him b/c he "took" us away from her), and always takes away my authority with my children. Help!! I love her and think she would crack if I severed ties, but I can't take it anymore.

Answer 1

I'm sorry, honey, but you need to have a VERY stern conversation with your mother.
Your family, and their emotional well-being, is your primary responsibility. Your children do not need to witness ANYONE contradicting you as a parent. Especially since your husband is in the army and you are the primary diciplinarian.
And they CERTAINLY don't need to witness anyone speaking of their father with anything but respect. If he's a good man who loves you and his children and provides for you, then he deserves his family's respect. And it is YOUR job as his wife to make sure that your children, your friends AND your mother treat him with the respect he deserves.

Have the conversation alone with her. Don't threaten if you don't have to. But let her know in no uncertain terms that your husband is the head of your home, and that he earns that position and that you expect her to respect his position in front of you and in front of your children. And let her know that you appriciate being able to come to her for advise about the children when you need it, but that when she criticizes how you handle the children, she's criticizing you as a mother, and that you find it insulting, even if she doesn't mean it that way. Underline that the insult is painful because you respect her so much as a mother, and that you need her support, not her criticism.
And don't worry about her having a favourite. They all do. Just so long as she's loving to all of them.

Good luck. Be strong.

Answer 2

there is not anything I hate MORE than a MOM-MA'S BOY! i married 2 of the ones (up to i hate to confess it!) my first husband I ended up divorcing over it. my moment husband and I divorced for cause's OTHER than his meddling mom... however i truthfully believe his mom performed a side in breaking down our marriage to a "no turning again" factor. my THIRD husband ALWAYS aspects with me while an hindrance comes up together with his household or my possess... to this point the whole lot has labored out splendidly (five years now). a few say 3rd time is the appeal... i believe i simply determined i wasn't going to place up with any guy's CRAP and regarded for a person that understood how strongly i felt approximately this hindrance! I could advise that you simply take a look at couples remedy earlier than you quit... divorce is SO HARD, primarily if there are any youngsters concerned!

Answer 3

You are an adult and you have a family of your own, your mother has to learn to respect that. Yes, she's your mother and you love her but do you want there to be tension in your own home due to her actions? Is having a happy home life more important than pleasing your mother? You have to do what feels right to you. As for the favouritism issue, I have been there and dealt with that tell your mother it's all or none...she must treat all the children the same or she won't be able to have a relationship with any of them. It's hard but it must be done.

Good Luck.

Answer 4

just because she is your mother, and you love her does not mean she can manipulate you, and your family. you are the one allowing this, and it needs to stop. think about how you would feel if your mother in-law was doing the same thing your mother is doing, wouldn't you want your husband to say something to her? now, go call your mother and ask her if she would like to go have lunch. while at lunch talk to her about this behavior, and tell her that it's not acceptable, and if it continues that for the sake of your children, you are going to have to give her a time out until she can start acting like a grandma should. ya, i know this is your mother and you love her but, this is your children, and husband, love them more.

Answer 5

You have your own family to be concerned with. If you dont have the balls to put your mother in her place you will be under her thumb for the rest of your life. Tell her she is not to dicuss your hubby with your children and do not allow her to talk against or disrespect him. YOU can fix all of this. YOU set the standards and YOU must be consistant and stick to your guns. Let her know that your married with kids and she needs to repect that or there will be hell to pay. You are either her baby girl or your husbands wife and your children's mother....STEP UP TO THE PLATE WOMAN!

Answer 6

Just talk to her openly. Let her know that you think she's favoring one grandchild over the others and that you would appreciate it if she tried harder to interact with each equally. As far as crossing boundaries, just let her know that you are able to handle things yourself, you're an adult and don't need her constant supervision. You just have to be honest with her and hear her side out too. Hopefully she'll be understanding and get the message. Best of luck!

Answer 7

i think you need to get together with your father possibly and talk to him about her.... maybe he can help you in some way to talk to her and make her see that she can love and trust you as she should , after all she is your mom. if all else fails or your dad isn't around then i suggest some weekend you go to your mom and sit down and discuss this with her...it could be she just wants to try to help u and isn't seeing that what she sees as help is meddling... leave kids at home with hubby and go talk to her if dad isn't around to help you. REPOST then i do think u need to stop her from calling and sever ties. if she is that bad then you shouldn't feel guilty cause of what you have to do .. you are a mom and your job is to PROTECT those children and being around gram would not be healthy for them... if your mom can't accept the man you love then, you know your obligations is to your marriage ... not your mom.... tell her she needs to grow up and get some serious counseling and if she can finish with her counseling and really show that she has changed you might consider giving her another chance after you talk to hubby. i think you know what to do in this situation and i understand that it can hurt... i currently don't have anything to do with my mom(she is phycotic, at least i think so) and i can understand your pain.. if you ever want to talk more go ahead and add me . best of luck to you and yours.

Answer 8

You love her of course.But if you want a happy family life tell her,Mom Stop it.This is no good for me my husband and kids

Answer 9

U need to chose do u want her to continue to poison your children with her words or put your foot down so wat if she cracks i may wake her up u chose.