My own mother sided with my ex-husband when I got divorced. She told him that she was sorry even though she told me for years to divorce him because he cheated and lied and abused me and our children.
I have also stopped all contact with other so-called "loved ones" in my life because talking with them is stressful. I do not feel sad or lonely for having done that. In fact, it's kind of a relief. My friend thinks that I need to call and make up with them - at least my mother and dad, because she thinks that I will be sad and depressed otherwise and that I'm depriving them of seeing their granddaughters. I have had no contact with my mother for the last year and with some other people for longer than that.
I know that my mom will just but into my life again if I let her. I have not told her that I have moved and am getting remarried. She does not know my fiance. I know her and she will tell him all sorts of unflattering things about me in an effort to "be honest" with him.
2007-02-09 06:29:09 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous in Health ➔ Mental Health
Thank you all for your helpful words. I know in my heart that I can be happy with just my fiance and children and new friends. I just can't deal with others trying to undermine that happiness because of their own unhappiness. My finace feels the same way about his mother and says that she helped destroy his prior two marriages. We are our own little family and support each other.
On the other hand, I guess I won't be getting an inheritance LOL, but my life is full of love and respect and joy and I can l;ive without it.
I do feel a little guilty depriving my childen of their grandparents, but the girls are teenagers and do not yet understand the machinations of adult relationships. I guess someday they can contact their grandmother and she can explain HER point of view to them, but hopefully by then they will be mature enough to see her for who she is.
2007-02-09 07:09:50 · update #1
Relationship are meant to benefit every one in it. If socializing with someone compromises your sanity, happiness, or pride it's just not right. You should call you mom and tell her what has happened in your life. Tell her wedding is and where it is and tell her the next move is her's. Make it clear that your giving HER a second chance and if she blows it then you can't have a relationship with her.
2007-02-09 06:51:46 · answer #1 · answered by E'Shell 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree with everyone else.
You can be happy regardless of what is or is not going on in your life, or who is or who is not in your life. Why? Because circumstances don't determine how happy you will be (or what emotion you will experience), it is how you choose to relate to the circumstances that will determine it. Did you know....that during the holocaust, there were a small minority of Jews in the concentration camps that were actually happy? They realised that happiness is entirely a choice one can choose to make if one chooses to do so, and the same holds true with misery and depression.
Congrats on getting married! I wish you endless happiness, peace and joy! =]
Dom
2007-02-09 15:02:13 · answer #2 · answered by Om Mani Padme Hum 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have no obligation to those negative people.
Your mental health comes first. Why have these people poison your children and the new family you will be forming.
Seems the "loved ones" want to bring you down to their level. Think of yourself first. Be happy. Go with your gut feeling here. These people are poison.
Good luck and have a happy life.
2007-02-09 14:36:31 · answer #3 · answered by diannegoodwin@sbcglobal.net 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you are a very brave lady for what you have done. You are so spot on in that why bother with people who treat us in this way. If your own family cannot support you who can? However on the downside to this how would you feel if something happended to a loved one? Would you feel guilty for not trying to make contact? If you know that you wouldn't feel guilty then you have made the right decision.
2007-02-09 14:38:55 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think you've done the right thing, although I realize it must have been (and continue to be) very difficult for you emotionally. Life is stressful enough. There's no reason to surround yourself and your children with people insistent on making things even harder for no reason. I'd continue going on as you are; happy and complacent.
2007-02-09 14:47:53 · answer #5 · answered by Duckie314 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
if your parents and other ppl are that toxic and make you that unhappy then i would just continue on the way you have been! your mom sounds like she has issues and you shouldnt allow her back in your life if she is that childish! maybe somday, if she gets help, you 2 could try to talk and work things out but maybe for now you just need to do your own thing! btw congrats on getting married and good luck!
2007-02-09 14:41:45 · answer #6 · answered by massmama 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋