Am I over-reacting for being at my witz end with my sons teacher?

Question

Do you think it is appropriate for a teacher to discipline a child for the following reasons. It was a foggy day, the teacher was talking to the children in the class about the morning fog. The teacher asks the students, this morning who saw the fog on the way to school? She said when I was driving to school this morning I saw the fog, my child raised his hand and told her that you should have been looking at the road while she was driving instead of looking at the fog, he got in trouble. Then he got in trouble for telling a couple of kids santa clause was fake and that there parents were buying them presents. Then he got in trouble for wiggling his loose tooth with tissue. He was excited about a question she asked he blurrted the correct answer out and got in trouble. Basically really petty things like that. I wrote a prior question about this very same teacher calling my child immature for asking too many questions and not being confident enough.

My son was doing fine in school last year as a kindergardener but now he's having problems in the 1st grade. He has average grades but she doesn't want to promote him to the 2nd grade.

Just to let everyone know I did tell him to raise his hand because it's rude and that's the teachers rules. I most definently talked to him about telling the other children about santa clause and how the children and the parents would feel. As far a the comment to the teacher, I have 3 children riding in the car saying "Oh mommy look at that" my response is hold on a second I have to keep my eyes on the road so I don't cause an accident. That is what he told the teacher she could of gotten in an accident. By no means am I just hearing these words from my child I talk to the teacher everyday and ask how his day was in school and she repeats the same thing everyday or acts like she doensn't want to talk to me when I ask her questions. By the way the first 3 months of school is when she made the decison that she wanted to hold him and that was only 12 weeks of school if any because it was before thanksgiving due to immaturity that's the only thing she says is he's not mature enough.

Answer 1

Your son should be respecting his teacher and it sounds like there is a problem there. Seems like your child needs to learn self control and he should come along and learn that in school. Nevertheless it is minor behavior but can become worse if you are not discipling your child and addressing it. You should correct him, but not make a huge deal of it. My 13 yo's teachers are calling me quite frequently about her lack of respect and I address it everytime they have to take their time out to call. If they didn't care they would not bother. I do hope that you corrected your child and told him that his teacher could have seen the fog from her windsheild or sitting at a red light!!!!!!

Answer 2

the thing is you do not state how old your son is. Perhaps he is too young to be in 1st grade. Why would you go see the teacher everyday. It must be driving her nuts. Go in once a week and talk to her this is more than enough unless there are major issues.
It does sound like she has it in for your son wiggling a tooth i don't see a problem but it depends on WHEN he was doing it. The immature for asking to many questions has got me stumped. Kids need to ask questions but does his have anything to do with what is being discussed or other matters. It sounds from all the things that he may be young. But if you feel this is not the way then make an appointment with the principal and discuss your concerns and maybe have him assessed to see if he is ready for grade 1 then if they think he is okay look at getting him a different teacher but most important STOP going in everyday

Answer 3

Have you scheduled an actual sit-down conference with your teacher? That would be my first suggestion. She's GOT to give you the time of day if you've scheduled that time.

It sounds like all of these seemingly petty things are adding up to be one big mess. On each individual basis, they're no big deal. However, imagine having to deal with those little things all day. Now multiply that by 20 and you've got what a teacher goes through all day. If every child in the class were like yours, no work would get done. I'm definitely not saying your child is bad or that the teacher has a reason to be rude. I AM saying you've got to see things through her eyes as well. There are some students who CONSTANTLY feel the need to have my attention. It gets old after a while. It got so old today that I spent about 10 minutes giving a huge lecture about why I even have the rules I do (letting them know they're not arbitrary and that they're there to give everyone a fair chance to have my attention). I teach 3rd grade, so I can imagine the sort of attention 1st graders demand. With that said, your son's teacher needs to take the time to listen to your explanations for your son's behavior. She needs to know that you support her in her decisions of discipline for speaking out of turn, wiggling his tooth when he was most likely told to stop and was disrupting class doing it, and telling other children about Santa. However, you also feel that she may have overreacted in some circumstances, like the whole fog thing (I personally would have explained the process of driving so he would know that it's possible to both watch the road and notice the fog. It sounds like he was trying to make sure she was being safe. I get it). Make sure she knows you're trying your best on your end and hope that she can be more understanding on hers. Ask for her opinion on ways you can help your son at home. She may be onto something that you're having trouble seeing (he's your son- he's not perfect, but he's as close as they come). Come up with strategies together to help him. If he can turn it around by the end of the year, there'll be no reason to retain him. Good luck!

Answer 4

Thats a hard question to answer. Had I been the teacher, I would have had a remark to diffuse the childs statement about keeping my eyes on the road. That would have been the end of that. The problem with him telling other children that there is no such thing as Santa could possibly tick off some of the other parents,but I would have tried get him to keep his beliefs to himself and that he has no proof if santa doesn't existed. The wiggling of the tooth isn't that big of a deal. He's a first grader, I'm sure they've done worse than that. To sum up my answer, I think the teacher needs to be more diplomatic and mature, and realize that they're just being kids.

Answer 5

I don't think that your overreacting, sometimes a teacher and a kid just don't mix. While your son may be a little immature (my son has done some of the some things in first grade, he's now a second grader and besides his constant talking, he's doing great) his teacher should never insult him, maybe that's why his confidence is waning. Remember while his teacher may be being strict on him there are still rules in school that need to be followed, and excitement is no excuse. Remind him of some of the rules he needs to remember everyday before school, like raising your hand before you speak. And tell him that some kids aren't ready to know that Santa isn't real, he should keep that between you guys. Good luck with all of this, and push for him to move onto second grade.

Answer 6

Apparently she was turned off by having a child correct her and tell her in front of the class she should have been paying attention to the road. It is clear this woman is immature to let such an innocent comment get to her and maliciously pick at this kid! If i were you i would request a meeting with the principal or at least the head teacher regarding this issue, if the meeting does not go as planned and they all seem to side with the teacher (even though it is clear this teacher has made it her goal to keep him behind for personal reasons) you should look for another school to enroll him... I don't see how your child will be able to get a good education in an oppressed environment. Your child will not be able to grow or learn anything in that class. Only you know your child, and only you will know weather you have a real issue here, go by your instincts and if after the meeting you are not satisfied and you believe this teacher is not looking out for your child's best interest request for your child to have another teacher or get him out!

Answer 7

What are the reasons for not wanting to promote him if his grades are ok? Smetimes teachers and children have personality conflicts. As a teacher, she should be professional enough to recognize if her discipline is appropriate. It sounds like he might get the class wound up. Think about it, a whole class full of six year olds fascinated by your son's bloody tooth. That could be quite distracting. Also, telling her she should watch the road, s much as he may not mean disrespect, it could appear that he is challenging her. His explanation of the scenario may appear differently becasue he is only six. He probably isn't aware of how is actions affect his classmates or the classroom dynamic. It may be that he casues the class to get wound up, or it may be that the teacher already has a difficult class and your son is the scape goat. I don't think that immaturity, and I'm not even sure your son is immature, is a reason to keep him back. Maybe for kindergarteners, but by first grade there are emotional implications in being left back.

Answer 8

I did not read your previous question, but did you ever resolve the situation with the teacher in person? Although you want to trust your child that he is telling the truth, as a responsible parent it is your job to get both sides of the story and then make a reasonable decision. Schedule a meeting with the teacher to discuss her discipline strategy and how/why it is not working with your child. A professional teacher should be open to constructive criticism, so keep it at that level. None of this he said, she said. I would be upset as well if a teacher acted that way, but I wouldn't be on here asking for advice, my behind would be down at that school working it out with my child and the teacher, maybe even the principal or counselor. Good luck.

Answer 9

you are right for feeling the way that you do. your son was right for saying what he did and should not have gotten into trouble over it. i remember your last question about the teacher calling your son immature. it sounds to me like this teacher has some major issues. have to talked to the principal about this? if you haven't then you need to. there is no reason for your child to have to go through this. maybe have him put into a different class. you are allowed to do that. it may be best for him. constant problems with a teacher like this can give a child the wrong idea of teachers because not all of them are bad. it may lead to misbehavior towards them later on down the road due to how they treated him when he was younger. it is important that you stop this as soon as you can. it is what is best for both you and your son. hope this helps. good luck.

Answer 10

I have taught first grade for twenty years. I feel that your child has been disrespectful to the teacher and is exhibiting many attention-seeking behaviors that are disruptive in the classroom. I also think it is unwise for you to talk to the teacher everyday. You are taking time out of her overloaded schedule everyday to discuss your son's behavior. What if each of her twenty or more parents did this?Try to arrange a daily or weekly behavior report with appropriate consequences and rewards for your son. I do think it was unwise of the teacher to tell you so early in the year that your child should repeat the grade. Honestly, an experienced first grade teacher can tell with great accuracy after a very short time which children have the maturity needed to succeed but it was probably a poor decision to tell you at that time. She obviously alienated you by doing so and I suspect that is when your issues with her began. The other thing that I would want you to know is that kindergarten is like a play date compared to what is expected of a first grader these days. Teachers are pressured to push children academically when some children are just not developmentally ready. This may be the case with your son. It sounds to me like you are rather protective of your son. He does sound disruptive and immature to me and I can tell you that he would also have been in trouble in my classroom for these outbursts. Rather than help him see and correct his errors, you are making excuses for him and attacking the teacher. It is very hard to be objective about your own child but I do believe you have to try to see things from her viewpoint. You are not helping your son by making excuses for his behavior.

Answer 11

Ugh, I have been through the same mess, only its because my son doesn't read very well. They want to label him everything from ADD to bipolar, to santa's little helper, (could you ask your son to disprove this theory to those teachers, :-) , lol

All but that last one was true, but the problem isn't him, it's just the way he learns (my son.) His math scores have always been phenomenal and even aces them now, but the school district in San Diego has been like, "unless he is diagnosed for (some disease or mental retardation,) we cannot add your child to the special reading group we have." How lame is that, that the school system is unwilling to teach?

I agree with your sentiment that something is wrong with the school system for seeing our sons' as a problem instead of a challenge. I know that your son, (and it sounds so cute when I hear you describe him and his answers in class :-) doesn't have any learning disabilities, but they are trying to categorize him for later grade levels so that the behavior does not deteriorate the teacher's accredibility.

This last year my husband had one of those "man to man" talks with my son, and told him that he would do anything for him, but that he had to promise to at least try at reading. (Also this year we found out through the school nurse and testing that our son has colorblindness.maybe helpful when trying to READ!!!)

Anyways, try to encourage your son that his cute energy might be better served by listening to the teacher, or something that won't get him in trouble at school with his teachers. Your son sounds like such a great kiddo, and I agree with you that the teacher is out of line, but there is little you can do to change the teachers' minds.