potty training a 4 yr old!!!!! help me please...?

Question

i have beening working with my very bullheaded little girl for a very very long long time... i have done everything but just let her do it when she is ready... if i try that approch and if it was up to her she would stay in them probably for the rest of her life! (save me from buying a chasity belt) sorry showing my sence of humor with this... i would list everything i have tried.. but i have 600 characters left and that would be to much to read...i will take any suggestions that come to me. i have gone as far as awearing a life jacket so she won't fall in approch still won't work... she says she is a fraid of the potty... i have bought the inserts that make is just right for her to go ( SHE IS NOT GOING TO FALL IN). OH and she has the best kidney's of any man kind... i think she should go into the gueness book of world records. she holds it until the pull up is on... yesterday i held out for 11 hrs.she did not go #1 or #2. ALL DAY AND SHE HAD MCDONALDS!!! amazing child! i love her!

Answer 1

No bribing, No belittling, No more training.

You will find that once you fully let go she will decide on her own to learn and it will be much more liberating for the both of you.

We let ours go when they are good and ready. I had two boys that *trained*, learned by 2. And my 4 yr old *trained* learned at 4 1/2 years of age. She asked to go on the potty and I said o.k. The next night she wanted to wear underwear to bed and I agreed. Never any accidents from that day she decided to go. I have 3 younger than her that we are waiting on.

A child has very little control in their life, foods to eat, bedtimes, playdates, all these things are set up for them, even when you do give the "choice" they are still out of a handfull of the myraid of choices in the world. Just about the ONLY thing that they can control is thier body and how it is functioning, or not. This is where the power struggle can begin. They learn this is the only control they have. Don't let this knowledge control you. Agree to change the diapers, or pull ups, or underwear. If you make this into a power struggle and don't wait this one out, you set both of you up for failure.

Don't listen to "when" a child is ever "supposed" to be toilet trained. A child is "supposed" to do something when they finally do it, and not a moment before.

Answer 2

I agree on getting a potty chair...stop using pull ups...a reward for acheiving a goal...but you don't have to be a nag about it. set a goal of 1 week using the potty--notice I didn't say no accidents--but at least trying to use the potty everyday for a week. I also gave my dd an M&M after she used the potty for an instant reward. (we don't usually have candy around the house)
But I have 1 thing to add...holding it for 11 hours can lead to serious health problems...take her to the Dr. Also if this is a power struggle issue enlist the help of a friend.

another thing do you let her watch you go to the bathroom...allow her to flush the toilet after you go

Lots of children don't like the toilet to be flushed...mine is 5 and she still has me flush it for her most of the time

just a few suggestions..hope something helps

Answer 3

I'd go with a bribe. My son was the same way. He wasn't fully trained until after he turned 4. He would pee but not poop in the potty. I think he was scared. His dad bought him a toy monster truck that he had his eye on and told him that as soon as he pooped in the potty it was his. Then after that we told him that he would recieve a quarter each time he pooped in the potty (he saved them to buy another monster truck). That's all it took. Since then he's only had about 2 accidents. Also are there any other family members or friends that she really looks up too? My dad is my son's favorite person and my dad encouraged and told my son how proud he was of him when he went, etc. and that really helped. My son looked forward to hearing good words from his grandpa. I wish you the best of luck. I know how frustrating it can be.

Answer 4

I wholly agree with JAG. I was like that with bottles and diapers. I failed to strain them until they were able. I did this with my triplets all three were off their bottles by way of 2 half of on their own and they additionally potty knowledgeable on their own. Tabitha started displaying that she wanted to at around 2 and he or she was done by the point she obtained off her bottle, day and night time. At about three Piper was once in a position and took a bit of longer. She nonetheless wets at night in these days, but mattress wetting runs on her dad's aspect of the household. (We're divorced and now i am married to a beautiful girl) And my son Logan refused to even go near the potty till virtually four. He's utterly potty trained, day and night. You are son will tell you when he's competent to potty instruct, don't fear.

Answer 5

This may sound a little bad, but it works. Stop putting on the pull ups. If she knows that you are eventually going to give it to her, that's making her hold it, which is NOT GOOD!!! Let her hold it until she wets herself, which may be all of 4 or 5 times before she gets tired of it. Nobody likes to be wet. There is also a book called potty training for little girls at toys r us, about 8 dollars, which has a button to get the child used to the sounds of the toilet. That book worked for my son, he potty trained on the toilet, no potty. Good luck!!!

Answer 6

Don't make it something she is doing as a favor to you. Just don't put her in a diaper during the day. Put her in panties. There is no debate. Diapers are for sleeping. Be very calm and nonchalant about it. If she wants to hold it in, that's up to her. If she pees in her panties, she can help clean up the mess. (You will obviously be doing most of the work, but don't just let her go play while you clean the floor and panties; she can help.) Just treat it as an accident. Eventually, she will get tired of peeing her pants and start using the potty. You have made the potty as safe as you possibly can (the life jacket idea being especially imaginitive!), and you have no more work to do in that area. It's up to her now.

Answer 7

Does she still have a kids potty to use? If not, I would consider buying one. Start small and work up. Maybe try food coloring in the toilet so she can see that she changed the water color. It's usually used on boys, but still worth a shot. Also watch her, because if she always holds her pee, she is more likely to get a bladder/kidney infection. 11 hours is way too long. My sis did that and she was in and out of the ER/hospital because of infections associated with holding it. Even now as an adult, she still has probs because of holding it as a child. Good luck.

Answer 8

Stop making it such an issue. It has turned into a power struggle between you and her. Buy her a little potty seat and tell her that she can either use this one or the big potty it is her choice. Get a goody jar for rewards when she goes. Buy her underwear and make her wear them everyday. If she has accidents make her help you clean it up but try not to get mad. As hard as it is don't fight with her about it that is what she wants you to do. Good luck.

Answer 9

Tell her ok no more pull ups just underpanties. Put them on her and ignor the situation or at least appear to. Tell her she is a big girl and she can go anytime she wants to in her pants all over herself if she wants to or she can use the toilet like all the other big girls do. Let her use a sit on the floor potty chair if she needs it. It has become a "issue" between the two of you and if you refuse to play her game she will come around.

Answer 10

Is there one toy that she wants so bad and talks about all the time? Here is what I did: My daughter, like yours, was afraid of the potty. I went to toysrus and purchased this barbie horse and carriage thing for her that she really wanted. I showed it to her and told her that she could have it, BUT she had to use the potty for a whole week before I would give it to her. I put it up high in the closet where she could just see it, but not close enough to touch it. And it sat there. I think we had one accident in the first week and she earned it after the second. No diapers since then.

Good luck to you!