This guy Matt that i have known since the 6th grade through high school, has always had a crush on me but i never gave him the time of day and was kinda mean to him. Well life went on and i got married to someone else, and I am now separated, its been 6 years since high school and Matt found me on myspace about 6 months ago, we have been inseperable since.we talk and text everyday, we are always in contact, we are always intimate when we are together, its almost as if we are friends with benefits, but its not as plain and simple like that since we talk and have conversations, its not like we just call eachother up and have sex. We have a connection almost as if we are a couple, but thats the problem, we arent a couple,he has no feelings for me so he says, but how can you not have feelings for someone when you have slept with them and share so much more outside of the bedroom? is he just in denial? or am i? opinions please. Im starting to fall for him and am scared too.
2007-02-09 06:12:01 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Thank you all! You all had some great answers that made me ask myself a lot og questions. Thanks for taking the time.
2007-02-10 12:45:31 · update #1
Thank you all! You all had some great answers that made me ask myself a lot of questions. Thanks for taking the time.
2007-02-10 12:45:56 · update #2
Well, first of all, you stated you are "separated". So, legally, you're still married. Your mistake #1. Get that divorce, then you're free to date and have sex with whoever you want.
Next, he says he doesn't have feelings for you. You also say that you have sex with this guy. And you also say that he used to have a crush on you back when and you didn't give him the time of day.
Through time, I'm sure he moved on also. He fell out of this "crush" for you. However, once you appeared again, his "interest" started up again. At first, you might have been just a "booty call". Sort of grudge sex. You didn't give him the time of day in the past. Now, he feels he's won that battle. However, you spend a lot of time together. Eventually, he might "rekindle" the fire he once had for you. Sure, he might still have feelings for you. But probably not as strong as he used to. But it's still there. Give him some time and his fire will burn as strong as it used to.
2007-02-09 06:22:10 · answer #1 · answered by Scott D 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
there has to be some feeling there. even if it's closer to that of a friend (with benefits...i think that's kind of ridiculous though) or if it is leaning more towards significant other. there has to be some reason why he is denying it though. could be fear of commitment. could be fear of getting burnt again. check and make sure there is no one else playing the same role you are for him. i would suggest that you halt your romantic involvement now. it will hurt less if you do have to go seperate ways, and it won't hurt at all if you do end up together. perhaps you should suggest you stop seeing each other (and say it as though you really mean it). tell him why (that you may be investing more into this than he is/see it going somewhere else) and see how he reacts (is he disappointed, is he ambivalent). and then you'll know where to go next. remember, if he is adament that he doesn't have feelings for you, it is not a shortcoming on your part; it's just his fault.
2007-02-09 14:24:30 · answer #2 · answered by nobu_abe87 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
yea--ithink he's in denial. Maybe he's telling you that because he thinks that is what you want to hear. No one can encounter that much intimacy and not have a slight feeling for the person they are intimate with. Maybe you two should have a heart to heart and learn each others expectations. There is some underlyiing situation as to why he is denying any feelings he may have for you. Communication is key! talk to him before you fall in too deep---that's the worst to dig out of! Good luck :)
2007-02-09 14:16:38 · answer #3 · answered by bgsfnstldy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he says he has no feelings for you, until he says otherwise, I'd take him as his word. Then you need to ask yourself: do you want to be in a relationship with someone who has no feelings for you?
You left your marriage because it wasn't working for you for whatever reason(s). I don't understand why you would put yourself in another unsatisfying situation.
Consider this: It IS possible that Matt is taking a sort of revenge for all those years of being ignored or put down by you.
As long as you are this involved with Matt, how are you going to meet anyone else who could have sincere, deep, loving feelings for you and treat you accordingly. There are nice, loving guys out there.
If you're scared about falling for Matt, I'd take that fear as a warning to steer clear of the relationship. Love doesn't begin with fear!
Good luck! (Be careful!!!)
2007-02-09 14:24:38 · answer #4 · answered by pat z 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sure it's complicated. . .you have to consider all the possible situations.First of all he may be as you said in denial and doesn't want to get hurt from you again that's why he has built a wall between you and his heart although he terribly likes you.
Secondly,he may got over the phase when he was attracted to you and he sees you as a very good friend with whom he can share everything.You said that he cannot possibly not have feelings for you.As for that his feelings may just altered and he just wants you as a friend.
Hope I helped. . .
2007-02-09 14:20:40 · answer #5 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he says he has no feelings for you, then quit giving it up...
As a guy - I'd say even though you feel "it's not like we just call each other up and have sex" - to him, it probably means just the opposite!
My opinion... Find someone new
2007-02-09 14:20:20 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It depends on what type of feelings he may have for you....he may just care for you as a friend but not feel any romantic connection with you. If I were you I'd tell him that you're starting to have feelings for him and you just want to know where your relationship is going because you don't want to be hurt.
2007-02-09 14:17:57 · answer #7 · answered by a1980 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dont fall for him just yet. Take your time. It is natural to feel extremely comfortable with an onld friend. However- to be brutaly honest swetie- it seems as though he is just not that into you. Sorry
2007-02-09 14:18:54 · answer #8 · answered by BeautyMark 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Don't be one of those silly women... either keep him as a toy, or dump him and find someone to emotionally connect with.
2007-02-09 14:15:58 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you just drop him you will probably never see him or hear from him again so ask yourself if you can deal with that.
2007-02-09 14:20:19 · answer #10 · answered by Steveo 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋