Why is mother in law this way?

Question

Always trying to be in me and hubby'spersonal space.Tryin to come in our bedroom and sit on bed(has barged in before while I wasdressing!)...Goes through our kitchen cabinets,rummages through our fridge..Looks at my beauty products when she goes to "use the bathroom".Always goes into rooms in the house tht have closed doors...gives herself a tour through our home.....Then goes home and tells everyone whatever she saw(no matter how petty it is).................Why is she this way?Why doesn't she understand that son is grown and not only am I not her daughter..but I'm a grown woman too and she needs to repect our personal space?

Whenever we confront her she brings up hubby's brother and his wife(and what they do) to try to make hubby feel guilty.

Answer 1

She has nothing else in her life to do and a mother in law will never think you are good enough for her son

Answer 2

LOL...must be a mother in law thing! Just tell her straight out that you guys are grown and need your own space. If she brings up your hubby's brother and his wife, just say that are different from you guys and what is ok to one couple may not be ok to another. If you don't let her know now how much it bugs you, it is not going to get any better. Family situations can be difficult, so handle it with care. Make sure your husband is behing you, so if she goes to him with the concerns or complaints about, he will back you up. Better yet, just have him mention to her off the cuff that you're a very private couple and would like her to stop poking around so much. If that doesn't work, just invite her over a little less frequently or go to her house instead of having her over at yours. A little space will be good.

Answer 3

Welcome to the intrusive mother in law club. You are not going to change her. However, her behavior is unacceptable. If your hubby is in your corner then you won half the battle. The normal thing to do is have a conversation about your feelings, but people who are like this have emotional problems so a conversation is not going to work. Your mother in law is under the impression (like mine) that because she is the mother of her son what ever she says or doses is OK. You and your husband need to give her a taste of her own medicine. Go through her things right in front of her. Rummage through her closets then get on your cell phone and start to talk about her petty things. She will not like it, and react. Your hubby can ask her what is she upset about? Let her go on about how you invaded her space. You can then advise her that you are behaving like her. (FYI I did this to my mother in law after the explosion she never did it again)

Answer 4

first you and husband need to formulate a plan to stop this. It is intrusive and wrong. Then he should be the one to confront his mother. Usually works better when son/daughter does the confronting. Let her know that this behavior is unacceptable to you and your husband and if it does not stop there will be concequenses to her actions. It is you and your husbands house and she needs to respect that. You both need your privacy. I think if mother/father in law barged into my room while dressing I would have lost it. I give you credit for controlling yourself.
Sometimes parents cannot let go the control of their children and this maybe her way of still having some control over her son....But that does not make it ok.....wish you luck

Answer 5

A friend had the same problem. When her mother in law would open a closed door, she would say, " What do you need in there? I'll get it for you." When she would open cabinets, the fridge, she'd ask the same question. Her mother in law accused her and said, " Why don't you want me to feel welcome in your home?" She would answer by saying, " Oh, I do... now let me get it for you so you can just sit right there and relax". This may not work for you, but it may spring board an idea to get rid of that nosey old hag.

Answer 6

Make sure she knows that she's welcome to sit and visit but will not be welcomed if she continues to be snoopy. Cut the visit short when she starts to rummage and request her to leave (it's usually best from her son though). You should be tactful about the request for her to go home and not be overly rude.
My mother is the same way (it drives me nuts) but she is told to phone in advance when she will be visiting and most times I clean up to avoid her displeasure (just depends on my mood). It's really not a big deal, I have nothing to hide and if she wants to rummage, go for it. It's my home and I can keep it any way I like, most times the house actually gets a better cleaning.

Answer 7

Unfortunatly this is the way of many mother-in-laws. It seems as if when the "I do's" are said that they morph into a monster. However, there is an explanation. It does not make things right or easier, but sometimes it helps when you know the reasoning behind things. This may not be her deal but I am willing to bet it is. Mothers don't like to think that another woman can care for her "little boy" as best as they can so they pry to find evidence for their inscurities. The majority of mothers think that way of their sons. (My husband, who is very far from a "mamma's boy" still gets it from his mother occasionally and it drives us insaine.) She realizes that her son chose you out of every other woman in the world to spend the rest of his life with and she feels like she has been knocked off of her pedistal and replaced by you. They do not realize that NOBODY can replace a mother's love. She wants to be the #1 woman in his life and feels like you are in the way. I am willing to bet that it is nothing personal, it could be any woman, so keep that in mind. Now, granted I don't know your husband or how he interacts with his mother, but he needs to express to her, even in just general conversation, that he loves you, wants you, you are a great wife and he still loves her too. As far as you are concerned, tell her how much you lover her son. She may come around and she may not, but it is worth a try. In the mean time, when she comes over and starts going through everything, step in and ask her what she is doing, however, it will be best if your husband does. You can lock your doors when she comes over but you cannot lock up your cabinets and makeup... don't let yourself live in a prison because of her. She needs to know that you guys are happy, you obviously want her in your life but she needs to show you guys respect; because if she loves her son, she needs to respect the woman he loves and chose to spend the rest of his life with and right now she is failing to do so. I went through a simmilar thing with my mother-in-law and my husband talked with her. Things are much better now. It is worth a try. Good luck!

Answer 8

ok, she apparently hasn't let go of her son and wants to make you look bad.
Get even! in your bathroom medicine cabinet... put an open box of beads or marbles and lean them against the door so that if she opens it... they will scatter. Then she will have to explain why she was snooping in your cabinet. For the fridge, tie a rope around it when she is there and tell her the dog figured out how to open the fridge and you had to rope it off to keep him out. for the kitchen cabinets.. put a box of open corn flakes where they will fall out on the floor when she opens that cabinet.
Or put notes everywhere she looks, that says... why did you open this door? Are you nosey or something?
Next time you know she is dressing, walk in on her.. when or if she says something... tell her you thought it was ok, because she walks in on you all the time.

Answer 9

First off lock your doors so she doesn't come barging into your home. Second both you and your husband need to sit down with her and explain that this it's your house and she doesn't need to be snooping around. If she doesn't respect what you have to say, she needs to stop coming over until you and your husband have a serious talk about what she is doing or she changes. Good Luck

Answer 10

Change the locks on your house and start locking the rooms that you want her to stay out of.

Get your hubby to back you up on this too and make sure the both of you see completely eye to eye on this. She might listen if it is coming from her son but if she doesn't then you've already prepared yourself with your handy dandy new locks.

Answer 11

Try not having her over for awhile, maybe she will get the hint..or just flat out tell her that what goes on in your home is not her business nor the rest of the families either...