this question is directed to mothers?

Question

ok i'm 22 and live with my mother for OBVIOUSLY economic reasons. i dont understand her reaction that's why i'm asking this question. i'm going ot the movies with a friend but he's male but he is ONLY a friend. so we said that we would met up at the movie theater, when i told my mother this she said that he didnt have any respect for me and since i accepted that means i lack respect for myself...i have no clue where this logic is coming from since it's not a date and also i have gone out with male friends na dhave met them at the movie theater and she didnt say anything...so what is this about? when i asked her she was like do whatever you want. i dont get this

THERE IS NOTHING GOING ON BETWEEN ME AND HIM! this is not a date!

it's not a date! he is jsut a friend!

the not having respect for myself part pissed me off cause i did everything by the book ever since i was a kid to thhis woman and now she treats me like this! that is not right...it's making me hate her

I live in her house so YES i have to do as she says

Answer 1

where is Dad?
this is really a question you should sit down with Mom and ask her. not demanding but have a real heart to heart. I am sure she has a very good reason. Yes maybe old fashion, maybe an experience she had. the best answer can only come from communication between the 2 of you.

Answer 2

If you are 22, there's a good chance that your mother is between 40 and 55. Therefore, she may be menopausal.

Seriously, and no disrespect to your mother. I've watched my mother and my husband's mother go through it. It's a lot of hormonal craziness.

My mother was bitchy to everyone for years until she went on medicine for it. My husband's mother went crazy one day while we were dating. She threw dried flowers across the room, said they were voodoo, screamed that she wouldn't have satan's work in her house, and then started bitching about her ex-husband (gone 15 years already by then). She always ended by bitching about him.

It's a tough time for women. But YOU CAN'T talk to her about it. If she has an older friend, an older sister, or a mother she can talk to, go to them privately, bring up the subject, and ask if they'd talk with your mom about it. She will resent you bringing it up.

For now, avoid confrontation with her, buy her flowers for no reason, give her a hug and tell her what a great mom she is and how she's been a great influence in your life. And give her her space.

When you can afford to, move out.
Until then, stay out of her way, assume an adult role in the house (even if it's just the cooking and cleaning) and (sometime when the two of you are getting along) have a blunt conversation about the fact that you're becoming an adult now, and that she'll have to respect certain boundaries. In order for mothers and children to keep a close relationship, a transition must be made from "mother-child" to "adult friends".

Good luck.

Answer 3

Your Mother comes from a generation that was used to the males coming by and introducing them to the parents, it is a respect thing. Meeting someone at the movies may be more convenient for both you and the friend, say if you both work down town, and go after work.
Mothers worry about their children especially girls. At 22 I think you are probably doing just fine.

Answer 4

Although, you are old enough to make your own decisions, as well as live on your own, she will always be your mother (even when you're not living at home). Living at home, makes her much more privy to your business and not by her choice, because her love for you compels her to have your best interest @ heart and always above her own. There's usually a very good explanation/reason for a mother to worry and warn her children. She may be struggling with how to communicate to you her fears, without saying too much, for the fear of injurying your relationship with her (she's afraid you'll think she's treating you like a child, if she explain herself). She's waiting for you to open the communication with her. So, I would purpose to give her an opportunity to share with you what's on her mind and heart, in regard to this friend, without taking it personally. Moms, have a great deal of wisdom, from personal experience(s)---we did once walk in your shoes. Remember: Inspite of her imperfections, she'll always be the best friend you'll ever have and love you more than her own life. You have nothing to lose and an awful lot to gain, if you'll just hear her out, once. When all has been said, it's still your decision to make, and Mom will have to respect you, even if she disagrees, and allow you to learn from your mistake. (and I hope with her, that won't be the case, here).
Mom's have been there and done that! Sometimes, with a great deal of pain and loss! She wants to spare you from as much as possible!
You're worth it, Hon!
Be Smart, Be Safe, and Be Happy! (every Mom's wish)

Answer 5

She only wants what is best for you. She views this as a date and maybe when she was younger, men picked up ladies for a date. Even though you said he was your friend she must think there is more for some reason. Just keep reminding her you and he are only friends and nothing more and if and he were dating there would still be nothing wrong with you and he meeting for the movies.

Answer 6

Consider the generation gap here. Your mother grew up in an era where men came to the door to pick you up. That's the way it should be today but if you two are only friends, meeting at the theater is the way you should do it. YOu're fine, just try to remember how she was raised.

Answer 7

She is old fashioned. Boys are supposed to pick up daughters at their homes and meet the families whether they are friends or not. It is the old fashioned respectful thing. I know this because my husband has the same rules for our daughters. If they guy pulls up and honks.... no date. If he wants to go out.. even as friends.... and doesn't come in the house and say hello.... no date. You are old enough to not have to deal with this but she sounds old fashioned. She is probably ready to see you settle down with a nice gentleman.
good luck

Answer 8

Ok, seems your mom is old fashioned, she believes that the male should come to your house and pick you up, regardless of it being a date or not. What she meant by saying that you didn't have respect for yourself was that you were allowing this.

Answer 9

Your mom is just being difficult, that's all. She probably thinks that you are ashamed of her and that's why you chose to meet at the theatre as opposed to him coming over. You are an adult and she has to respect your decisions. If she can't do that then you should keep your personal life to yourself and not share that part of your life with her for now...that wouldn't mean that you're disrespecting her, that would just show her that you would appreciate that she not judge you.

Good Luck.

Answer 10

It is old fashioned chivalry, it has nothing to do with the romantic/non-romantic intentions of the guy. When I was little my brother was required to open the car door for me, and I had to wait for him. (Thank heaven those days are over)Things have changed a bit, but still make sure that you are going places with people who will not leave you stranded somewhere and care about you, this is what your mother wants to see.