This little girl is being told to call mom's new boyfriend daddy when my husband was already established as "daddy" (this baby was conceived out of adultry.)She is being programmed by mother to believe false info.- once again. We tell her the truth that her real father's whereabouts are unknown and that mom's boyfriend is not her daddy. The little girl has said hurtful things to my husband indicating the boyfriend as her new dad, ect... Would you let this situation as is and let it run it's course? She is somewhat a pain in the rear when she comes because she whines over everything and wears us out. We just hate to exclude her when his other child visits.
2007-02-09 05:51:44 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
You shouldn't abandon any child that has bonded with you. It may not always be obvious that she cares, but the more people that care about her the better. Particularly if that's they way her mother is, she needs good influences.
2007-02-09 05:56:14 · answer #1 · answered by tabby90 5 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Children are truly a product of their enviroment. Anything hurtful coming out of her mouth she has learned from another source. This is the case with most kids until they are 12-14 depending on their maturity level. Do not continue to play the "hurting" game with her when she says she has a new daddy... try something like "Lucky you! Now you have TWICE as much love." Big deal if she calls two people daddy. As for her behavior, just lay down the law. No whining. It's that simple.
And try a little compassion too. Change is difficult for everyone especially when it's out of your control. Imagine being a child, everyone making decisions for you - good or bad - couple that with little understanding of the emotions you are feeling. As adults we speak up and say "I don't like this" as children we protest via actions.
When I have difficulty with my boyfriend's kids. I count to ten and remember what it's like to be a 9 year old girl, then I imagine my dad having a girlfriend, me having no say over it and I'M overwhelmed... it's hard for everyone. You, her, the two daddies...
2007-02-09 14:09:45 · answer #2 · answered by brassinpocket 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Now, I know the role of being "Daddy's wife" (stepmom) is not a very easy place to be, but I would challenge you and your partner to really put yourselves in a compassionate place where this little child is concerned.... first, she IS a child, and has had no influence over the set of events that brought her into the world or that tore her daddy and mommy apart in the first place. Her child-role is to be loved and cared for and given security and increasing responsibility in the world so that she can eventually care for herself and others. If she grew up believing that your husband was her daddy, it was NOT your place to correct this. In fact, I believe that was a heartless thing to do. And it sounds like you are continuing to take out your resentment and anger on this little person. Talk to a pediatrician or a child psychologist or someone who has a good background in early childhood development. Begin to make the changes before it is too late!
2007-02-09 14:01:45 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd say yes to continue the visits and just treat this as a child misbehaving during a rough time and you guys really need to talk with her and make her realize that you guys love her but if she misbehaves too badly then take a break from her for a few weeks and she'll probably come around. Tell the mother to stay out of it if your hubby still wants to be "daddy" and quit telling her that the boyfriend is daddy. She should be grateful for you husband.
2007-02-09 13:59:13 · answer #4 · answered by AngieBaby 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No he doesn't need to deal with this child. It isn't his to begin with and therefore there shouldn't be any reason to have her come over.
Have her stay with her mother, who obviously wants her to have a new daddy. The regular kids should not have to deal with her during visitation either, give them a break from her whining. Celebration of birthdays or Christmas, you might make an exception but it should be only special occasions and if she does not want to go she should not be forced to go to your place.
2007-02-09 14:05:58 · answer #5 · answered by Tapestry6 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she is not his child, then why keep having her come around?
Her mother thinks it is OK to have her call a guy dad just as easy as she calls them boy friend.
She needs to think that when the word mother or father comes from a child's mouth it is a name of a god to them.
Remember it's a name that is earned not given!!!
2007-02-09 13:57:39 · answer #6 · answered by zen522 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no ! the truth is some day there we'll be a father in her life. her mother is wrong to program her child like that but that's not up to you two. just get away, let that mother do what she wants and tell your husband he is going to have to just let go. it's going to happen sooner than later.
2007-02-09 13:59:14 · answer #7 · answered by emely o 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She will know learn the truth as she gets older. Her mother is not doing right by her child. I suggest you two keep maintaining contact and giving her love as long as you are able to. She will come around. She's talking like that because mommy is feeding her. Try not to take it all too personally.
2007-02-09 13:56:30 · answer #8 · answered by Groovy 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If he's a good example and a positive role model than I'd say it's fine. I believe it takes a village to raise a child. As much positive influences as possible should be allowed into her life.
2007-02-09 13:57:04 · answer #9 · answered by dww32720 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Please clear something up for me. Is your husband the x-boyfriend to this woman who has the child? Your question is not clear. What does your husband have to do with the child?
2007-02-09 14:01:49 · answer #10 · answered by reddchilds 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋