I really want to talk with my ex of 5 years. He broke up with me 8 months ago, and I haven't communicated with him since. I just want to know why he ended things so suddenly. I am racking my brain on reasons why this happened (i know that there was no other girl, etc...) and I hate not having closure. I guess I never thought that after dating so long, and how much we "loved" eachother, that he could just pick up and walk away like he did. I really want to know how he feels, or felt...
PS- Since he doesn't have a new girlfriend so should I call him?
PSS- I can't stop thinking about this because it's like I meant nothing to him, I want to know that what we had wasn't a big joke.
2007-02-09
05:40:54
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11 answers
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asked by
texxxasgirl
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in
Family & Relationships
➔ Singles & Dating
The choice is yours do you stay confused by not contacting him, or do you take the chance and contact him and see what happens, get back together or he hurts you worse by telling things you did not know or wanted to hear. This is a question YOU have to answer yourself since it is you that has to deal with the feelings involved with this dilemma .Good Luck!
2007-02-09 06:02:36
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answer #1
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answered by sirmrmagic 6
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2016-05-07 20:19:35
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answer #2
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answered by Roberto 3
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Hi,
I am also in a very similar situation for the very first time.
My ex of 4 years left to go overseas (I'm from Aust so overseas is a really long way) 8 months ago. He didn't really break up with me. We were good friends and both had warning it was going to happen, but I couldn't live without closure. So I wrote him a letter/email stating that if he loved and wanted me (but needed his trip) then I would wait for him. His answer (over the phone) was that he was not IN love with me and was sorry that I was prepared to make sacrifices for him when he could not for me.
I took this as my closure and our break up. Not everything was answered. But after that I made a promise to myself not to contact him again.
Read "It's called a break up because it's broken" such a good book with a lot of tips.
I could also write a book on it. I have been through so much. I saw a councilor and every single thing I had done to get me through it was correct, but I still think about him now and wonder if I should take him back (if he did come back to Aust). I wonder if I should take the blocks of his email address. I am tempted, but I made a promise to myself.
He didn't want me when he could have. I cannot see how any person that truly loves someone could ever want to be away from them. He is not the one for me for the very reason that he chose not to be with me. This is what I repeat to myself daily.
It doesn't feel like enough, that answer, but it is enough if you believe it. If you have confidence and respect yourself, you will know that he is not for you. There is no point getting closure from him, as you will just want more contact and it will never fill the void.
Instead, think about what you can learn from the experience for when you meet the right person. This will fill the void with knowledge and confidence and therefore will put you in a much better and much needed state of mind for the right person.
2007-02-17 01:43:17
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answer #3
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answered by neat09 2
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I am in the same situation but we have only been broke-up for two months of being together six years.
I am trying to come to terms with everything and rack my brains for things I have said or done to make him want to treat me so badly. I too am left thinking that I didn't make an impact on him and everything was a sham and that he has moved on so quickly.
I have come to realise though that I will never get the answers I want from him and will never truly understand why and until you realise that yourself, you will never be able to move on.
I just tell myself everyday that I gave my all to him and if thats not enough I can't possibly do anything else. If he loves me he will find his way back to me and if he doesn't come back it was never meant to be.
By all means contact him if you need to but I wouldn't start asking him why it all ended, it will only stir resentment that you both probably wont want and remind him of the difficulties towards the end of the relationship.
Just say Hi. I wanted to see how you were? and if he wants to talk about the relationship then let him and follow his lead.
My ex says, he can't explain why he feels like he does but he just does, I personally think its the commitment of buying a house- but I will never know and am happy with that.
I know its like a big hole that you want them to fill and you want to know why it has happened, but it wont stop the fact that you aren't together. By bringing it all up again you are pushing him further away and if thats not what you want, don't bombard him with questions he can't answer.
Big Hugs.
2007-02-13 21:01:59
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answer #4
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answered by Anonymous
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Some people come into your life so you can learn more about yourself and they leave. That is it. Now what is the lesson you can learn here. No matter what he says to you a long term relationship is not a joke. What did you learn about you in that relationship about you, what you want in a relationship and what makes you happy. Answer these questions and you will have closure.
2007-02-17 03:24:39
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answer #5
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answered by newyorktilson 3
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If you really need closure then by all means contact him. Just be prepared to hear things that you may not want to hear.
2007-02-09 05:45:09
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answer #6
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answered by Jen_n_TX 3
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Sorry, it is truly over, and unfortunately you don't yet realize that.
It's not that you were a joke to him, either. It's just that he has clearly moved on.
You need to, too.
2007-02-17 05:38:59
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answer #7
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answered by Anonymous
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He is your ex.. Let it go.. If you contact him, you might end up getting your feeling hurt again.
2007-02-17 03:01:59
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answer #8
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answered by BigWashSr 7
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No bad idea! He is your ex for a reason!
2007-02-09 05:44:42
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answer #9
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answered by Liberal City 6
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call and ask him tell him u just want to know so you can move on or improve your self ask h im if it was him or you.
2007-02-17 05:27:06
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answer #10
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answered by curious 2
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