Does it make me a bad mother to make my grown son and his wife pay their own bills, I have been cut off from seeing my grandson because I turned off their cell phone for not paying the bill. And he had the money because he was working for my husband at the time! I gave them a place to live and helped them with things for the new baby, all at no cost untill they were on their own.I now expect them to provide for their child and be responsible for their bills. They haven't been paying any bills, their car insurance is cut off, electric to be turned off, late on the rent, and so on. I know they have the money to pay these things if they would budget and not waste it on drive thru dinners and the latest DVD out on the market! I hate not seeing my grandson, MY daughter-in-law is using him as a pawn! She has also used him against my son already and he's only 3-mos old. She even went so far as to burn all the things that I bought for him! And they sure can't afford to replace them.
2007-02-09 05:40:36 · 56 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I raised my son to be responsible with money, but for some reason he is letting his wife control everything he does. If he doesn't agree with her she threatens to take the baby and leave, she has torn all our lives apart.
2007-02-09 05:52:37 · update #1
Thanks for all the support, I hope that one day they realize their mistakes. I love my son dearly and wish only the best for them both, but I cannot afford to take on their bills as well as mine. He worked for my husband (not his fahter), untill a few days ago, being payed a more than a fair salary, so I know he could afford his way. And yes she has done her parents this way all along, I have already spoken to her mom, they have washed their hands of them both also! Thanks again for the support, it helps alot. God Bless All. Mom
2007-02-09 06:15:34 · update #2
No, you are not a bad mother. This is a prime example of "Tough Love" Read this...
A message from Mother Teresa
People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self centered;
Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, People may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have, at it may never be enough;
Give the world the best you've got anyway.
You see, if the final analysis it is between you and God;
It was never between you and them anyway.
2007-02-09 05:45:56 · answer #1 · answered by Mr.L 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No you're not a bad mother, you're a good mother. Remember that's the daughter that you're son brought home. He chose her. The fact that they would even feel right making you pay for everything when they have the money themselves shows that they want you to take care of them. Your son wants you to take care of the family that he made. No. You're doing the right thing when he feels the whole weight of having a family, and paying for them, then he'll understand how you feel. I know you miss your grandson, but what she's doing right now is to try and guilt you into supporting them. Let them burn the stuff. They don't want you to see him, don't see him. But don't give in to whatever they say or do. Don't let them guilt you back into that, you start supporting them now, you'll be supporting them for the rest of your life. He has to learn responsibility somehow. If they refuse to take care of him, by letting everything get cut off, you can call CPS on them. Tell them that they are not fit to take care of the baby,you'll end up with it anyway. It may sound ruthless but the baby shouldn't have to suffer on account of the parents, the fact that the mother would do that is ridiculous. You should definitely try to talk to them, and if they still aren't willing to take care of the baby the way it needs to be treated...call CPS. You can take care of that baby way better than they do, other wise just let them live their life. I feel sorry for the child because he'll be raised the same way unless something changes. I wish you all the luck you're in my prayers.
2007-02-09 05:49:45 · answer #2 · answered by April 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are NOT a bad mom. Your son should stand up for you, and he probably will, eventually. Your greedy daughter-in-law is trying to manipulate you into feeling guilty so that you will keep paying her bills and supplementing her lifestyle! If you give in, this will NEVER end. Don't let her use your grandson as a pawn. She will not keep him from you forever. But if you give in now, she will know how to control you for the rest of your life.
They must learn to control their own finances. It is your responsibility as a mother to force your son to grow up and be independent. It's the best thing a mother can do, and the most important.
2007-02-09 05:47:56 · answer #3 · answered by lizzgeorge 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think that you are a bad Mom for not financially supporting your son and his family but I wonder why he doesn't show any responsibility as an adult. Is it possible that you have made things too easy for him in the past? Was he taught fiscal planning as a child like putting part of his allowance in a savings account? Does he work? What about his wife? If they have cut you off from your grandson, they sound spoiled. Where could they have learned that from?
2007-02-09 05:44:51 · answer #4 · answered by girldog66 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you are a bad mom. Sounds like your daughter in law has some growing up to do.. It is good that you shown them that you mean business about them being adults.But they are letting all those things go because they want you to jump back in and be the caregiver for them and there son again..Just make sure that the baby has everything and that hes in no danger. But just let the parents know you stand your ground and they will no longer get bill money from you.. My mom went through that with my brother and his live in for years. They will say all the mean things, but they will learn to know that you did it for their own good..And it is because you love them and they need step up. They have there own little family now. They need to make a happy home.Good Luck with that, it will be a bumpy road..
2007-02-09 05:51:33 · answer #5 · answered by ksk_05 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're not a bad mom for setting financial boundaries. You also have certain rights as a grandparent. But, before things get legally ugly in the family, why not seek some mutual understanding through counseling, either a neutral family member or a local professional could help sort this out. Try to get everyone focused on what's best for the baby.
2007-02-09 05:44:20 · answer #6 · answered by Zebra4 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WOW. These kids (because that's what they are acting like) are being real jerks to you. I know people like this. You have done nothing wrong and if they want to act like that then that's their problem. I can't believe she burnt stuff that you bought for the baby. That's just cruel. It sounds like they need to get their act together and they just don't like it. They liked for someone else to pull them out of their mess that *they* made and now that you finally said no, they want to through a little temper tantrum. It's not fair to you and you should cut them off. They should be able to pay for their own bills. I know you miss your grandson but ultimately this is how they are trying to get back at you for not paying for more of their bills. They make me sick. Sometimes you just have to wash your hand of people like this until they grow up and become mature, even when it's your own children. You don't need to do anything else. They need to be the ones that come to you now with their apologies and if they don't bring your grandson around to see you then it's their own fault. I'd wash my hands of them for the moment. Don't worry about them and enjoy your own life.
2007-02-09 05:46:40 · answer #7 · answered by Jade D. 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
They are both being very immature, and it's time they grew up!
You're not being a bad mother, but maybe if you would have instilled some responsibility in your son while he was growing up and this wouldn't be happening.
That said, he does need to grow up and take care of his business. You were good enough to help them get on their feet, and this is how they repay you!?
It's ridiculous. The woman is clearly very controlling and burning your gifts?! That's just silly and childish.
Don't give in to their emotional blackmail. Be firm, but let them know you still care about them, and I'm sure you'll be able to see your grandchild eventually.
2007-02-09 05:47:03 · answer #8 · answered by catwomanmeeeeow 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
From the beginning, you most of not made it known that money needs to be made, and appreciated. You paying for everything and then stop! Well if you gave him a 30 day notice, it would of seemed fair. But still he is used to getting what he always got from you, free ride.
Tell him the truth, money is tight, prices are up for food, gas, and electric. Explain how you're not asking for a lot, just money here and there for what he owes.
Good luck. Maybe you're story has helped me a little because my son thinks everything is free, but he's only 7 years old.
2007-02-09 05:46:41 · answer #9 · answered by DrPepper 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
NO your not a bad mom ...Your children are taking advantage of you. You are doing the right thing to make them stand on their own 2 feet. After all your not going to be around to help forever. As for your grandson. Take that money that you are giving them and hire yourself a family attorney. You have rights to see your grandchild. Whatever you make sure that the baby is provided for but no more helping the grownup children.
2007-02-09 05:46:19 · answer #10 · answered by double_klicks 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋