How do you stop a 5 year old liar?

Question

I have a 5 year old daughter who is driving me crazy with her lies and sneakiness! For the past two weeks, everything that she has said to me has been a lie, and it is about the stupidest things. An example: She asked for money for school because it was "picture day." It wasn't picture day and when I called her out on it, she lied and lied and finally said it was for the book fair. If she had been honest, I would've given her money for books, but because she lied, she got nothing. She has also taken things from my room and denied it, lying over and over until I find them in her room. I even found a box of cereal she had taken hidden in her room!
I have taken her TV out of her room, tried spankings, offered rewards for good behavior, taken toys, sent her to bed without dinner, EVERYTHING and I'm at my wits end! I honestly feel like I'm losing my mind, and it has gotten to the point I don't even want to talk to her and hear her lies! Any suggestions?

Answer 1

If you have made the girl think that every her mistake will lead to punishments or spanking,of course she will lie to you.Most children(and most adults) lie from time to time.If we want our kids to be honest with us,we have to be willing to listen to them and refrain from punishing them or ashaming them.We have to look for solutions to the problems.
Parents should explain to their children why is it important to tell the truth and what is trust.A good way to avoid the punishment is to ask the child "What do you think happens when you lie about something?"(this way is successful only if you ask with the aim to understand the child's point of view,not to read lectures).Continue with the questions(asked kindly) - "How do you feel when someone lies to you?","What do you think is the reason children to be afraid to tell the truth?","What would help you to tell the truth without being scared?"
When the child lies to us and we spank her or ashame her,she will probably make some bad conclusions.The punishment helps for the moment but the long lasting effects aren't the one which the parents have tried to make.And of course one child won't learn to tell the truth if she sees you lying - "Yes,chief,I'm sick and I'll be home for 2-3 days" while you want to go skiing.
There are some effective ways to react one child's lying.
1.Accent to the probable conclusions to the problem.Instead of asking "Who has crushed the egg?",offer the child to help her in cleaning and ask her if she thinks the problem may be solved another way.
2.When you think the child is lying,say that "That sounds me as a lie.I wonder what the truth if?"
3.Imagine you are the child.Ask her if she is afraid to tell the truth.Make her sure that everyone is afraid sometimes.
4.Explain her that she has to take responsibility for her actions."Everyone can make a mistake but when you blame someone else you are not less responsible for your action"
5.Explain her what trust is.Help her make the connection between honesty and trust which people have for us.

And finally one personal advice.There is one really useful book for parents,for discipline and other things like that which may help you a lot not only with your husband's daughter but with your own child sometime later.The book is "Positive Discipline for Preschoolers" by Jane Nelsen.

Answer 2

I read this and about fell out of my chair when you said that you took her tv out of her room. She is 5 - she has no right having a tv in her room. Is that so that you can send her away and watch what you want to watch in the family/living area of your home? My kids are 12 and 13 - they will NEVER have a tv in their room - and they won't have a computer either - they can watch what they want with me in the room.

Her lying may be a way to get attention from you. It's easy to get busy and forget that our kids need special time with us - and frequently - not just once a week.

Evaluate how you treat her, how your time with her is spent and make sure that you don't lie to others and she knows it.

I told my son that trust is easy to have, until it is lost and then it is really hard to get back. When you know that your daughter it telling you the truth, ask her how you are to believe her when she lies so often to you. Tell her that she has to start telling the truth all the time or you will never be able to believe her.

Also - consider talking to the counselor at the school and getting her involved. They can sometimes get to the root much quicker than we can due to their training.

Answer 3

Maybe this will work for you it did for my son....sit her down and explain what you are going to do first....I'm going to lie to you so that you will know how it feels, then tell her you are going to take her to the circus or whatever she enjoys....when she gets excited remind her that it's a lie....give her another example of a lie...the idea is to get her to "feel" what a lie does to someone else. Remember she is just trying out things that she sees at school. This is an opportunity for you as a parent to teach lifes lessons....use the word "honesty" or one that works for you and name someone that has that trait that she likes...tell her what it means in life to have that special trait, the rewards and how others will treat her when they can trust her and how she will be treated when people can not trust her, Good luck and don't give up.
Additional Info...My son is 20 now, he was the top five in American high school students and the list goes on....this works getting the child in touch with their feelings...one of my favorite sayings was "how would you feel if it happened to you". Find out who is teaching your daughter to lie and ask your daughter why she thinks this person is lying...what do you think her home life is like...maybe her parents don't show her love like we show you love...this works on a 5 year old..my son was 5 and it worked on him...and then I went to school and asked the teacher to move my son from the negative influence.

Answer 4

Consistency and consequences. I'll cut out all the prior methods and jump right to the big one, since you sound like you've tried everything. At the point she is at, you need to spank for every lie that comes out of her mouth. You said you've already tried spanking, but if spanking is not done right, they won't work. You need to be 100% calm, and be doing this as a punishment, not just because your at wits end. Pull her pants and panties down, then lay her across your lap, and spank her little bottom red. Then explain that this will ALWAYS be the punishment for lying. Love her afterwords, and let her know your always there for her. There is lots more, if your willing to try, send me an email, I'll explain further. I know what it's like to have something like this be happening with out the ability to stop it.

Answer 5

It seems that your daughter is very intellegent for her age but her behavior is not good.

This could be a cry for attention. Have you tried explaining to her that there are consequences when she lies, I'm not talking about punishment. Tell her about the boy who cried wolf. She has obviously learned her behavior from somebody (friends, other family members), you might want to look into that.

Also, try therapy, it might help.

Answer 6

Sounds like she's picked up something from someone. I'd say from school. There must be someone she's watching to get these behaviors. I'd get a book for her age group about lying. I know they have them I've used them for my nieces. Then talk to her about how much it hurts when she lies. How it could cause problems for others. It's an uphill battle but I think you'll win.

Answer 7

Have you tried teaching her the difference between right and wrong? She needs to understand that it is totally unacceptable to lie. There ares some books out there you might try.
My Big Lie by Bill Cosby, and Arthur and the True Francine by Marc Brown. The best way to teach your kindergartner honesty is to be honest yourself.

Answer 8

Whatever you do, don't stop talking and listening to her. It sounds like you have tried about everything. Keep overwhelming her with love and affection. While still letting her know it hurts to be lied to.
It may take a while, and a lot of patients but, she will come around.

Answer 9

actual babies very many times will make up "memories" or emblish, they don't understand the belief of fact or lie, they actually do no longer understand the version between a "tale" and the fact, do no longer mom and pa examine bedtime memories to them? those are 'lies". Even "the boy who cried wolf" would be seen a lie simply by fact it by no ability happened, it isn't the fact. How I dealt with it became interior the evenings, while my daughter became preparing for mattress i'd have her tell me the tale approximately her day. some have been very exciting and that i prefer i'd have the two recorded them or written them down simply by fact they'd make one hell of a baby's e book...

Answer 10

well with the punishment you need to make sure you are consitant. i would try a child psyciatrist, b/c you definately don't want this behavior to continue into adult hood! and stick with your punishment. the rewards thing, you can make a calander of good days and when she reaches 7 days, she gets something special to do that she loves, i know you've said you've tried it all, but you have to keep trying and having talks, eventually it will work!! best of luck!