should i forgive him for all the horrible things he said to me?

Question

I had this great relationship with this guy.He's everything i would ever want in guy.He said this almost everyday " i love you, would never do anything to hurt you.Im nothing without you.." I really liked him .i thought we were just made for each other :(


untill last nite we had this huge fight .then he accused me of blaming him all the time.He said i thought i was smart cos im going to university and he isnt. I neva knew he was so intimidated by my achievement.I thought he was happy for me. i offered help for his academic work but he refused it!.

Then he called me a Sl*t! I quote " go suck d**ks like you do all the time" "f**k You Sandra! " He said the worst things you could think of and more and more .

And so we ended it .Now he is asking for forgiveness .I have neva been hurt like that before :( i thought he loved me .I feel so vulnerable :( and hurt

should i forget about all he said and pretend it neva happened?

Thank you x

Thank you all for responding.All your answers are very important to me and i would use it carefully to know my next step.My tears just dried up! xxxx

Answer 1

Wow. He's got some anger management problems. You do not deserve to put up with that kind of abuse. Run, don't walk, away from this idiot.

You will find LOTS of men who are more mature, more intelligent, and better abled to deal with their emotions at University.

He should NOT be saying those things if they're not true.

Answer 2

clearly he was trying to hurt you and thought of the worst insult he could. Doesn't necessarily mean that he meant it, just that he wanted to wound you.
If you think the relationship with this chap is worth it, I WOULD give him a second chance but I certainly would not sweep this incident under the carpet. Tell him that, first of all, you would like an explanation of his comments, why he chose those words and also get to the bottom of this envy he has on your academic success. If the two of you have a real future together, then communication between you is the key - you must be able to talk this through, come to an understanding of what happened, and agree it will never happen again. Of course, you may have rows in the future - who doesn't - but make it clear that those words will NEVER be used again, or you are off!
And stick to it.
You're not being a doormat - you are handling this in a responsible way by addressing the issue and getting him to understand you are not being spoken to like that.
Good luck.

Answer 3

I understand that you feel sad and hurt by his words and vulnerable since you opened up completely to someone that has verbally assalted you.

His words were attacks from his resentments and insecurity. These resentments and insecurities don't just go away. The relationship has serious complications that you cannot fix.

Denial of an event, behavior or feelings is unhealthy.Forgiveness is not denial. Forgiveness is always helpful for the person doing the forgiving. Forgiveness is letting go of the pain and accepting that the past isn't going to get any better.

Love is a behavior. Be loving to yourself and refuse to accept anything but loving behavior and respect from others.

You get to decide what you will accept. Forgiving a person only means you are letting go of the pain and not letting it control or anger you, it doesn't mean that you have to take the offender back.

Kind regards.

Answer 4

Honey, he may be sweet, but he if slips once, he'll slip again. A relationship between two people usually start out sweet and filled with affection and in the begining, one would do anything for the other. But as time progresses, and both people start to feel more comfortable with the other, their other side will start to show. Simple things like a small fight can bring out the "HIDDEN" side of a person's personality. There are plenty of guys out there who will accept you for who you are and will help you strengthen your academic abilities. You don't need to put your life on hold for someone else who doesn't know how to respect you. The things he said were probably things he's always been meaning to say. Maybe its because he doesn't trust you or the things you do, but one thing is for sure, if he doesn't love you enough to trust you, he shouldn't be with you. Trust your guts, and don't just think about how your relationship would like now if you were to take him back. Think farther ahead and into your future. Try picturing him with you years from now, maybe that would help.

Answer 5

Aw girl, I'm so sorry that this happened. You sound like a nice girl and you don't deserve to be spoken to in that way. But, since you do love him and care for him, and I am positive he feels the same for you, y'all should talk about this thoroughly before making any quick decisions.

You need to let him know how badly he hurt you, how you don't deserve that treatment, and how he can't just say sorry and it is over with. You need to make sure he will NEVER and I mean NEVER say anything so disrespectful to you like that again. He may have said that in the heat of the moment, but he still should have never said that.

So, I suggest y'all talk and I hope that y'all work things out. He needs to understand it will take time to earn his trust back.

Good luck girl and God bless!

Answer 6

talk to him let him know that he hurt you, let him know that if he wants this relationship to work you will not tolerate being treated as such, he might be going through a ruff time though, i don't quite know the circumstances but if you really do love him and 95% out of the time he is a wonderful man then yes you should give him a second chance, remember we as people are not perfect you have to allow room for mistakes, i can tell those words were spoken in the heat of aggression, if he was himself he probably never would have said such things, the decision is up to you take care

Answer 7

he was really mean to you but if you love him you'll give him another chance. It seems like he just kinda said it out of no where. It sounds like he may be having some problems and he just took them out on you. So try talking to him but I would tell him just how much he hurt you and how you feel about what he said so he'll know just how bad he treated you. If he really loves you this should make him feel bad enough so that he'll try and deal with his problems another way. You shouldn't forget it because then he will think he can do it again whenever he wants to. You should make sure he feels guilty and I don't mean to torture him or anything, but he needs to realize that he really did hurt you and that you don't need to be with someone who's going to treat you like that. So I'd talk to him and tell him how you feel and then decide whether or not you want to try and work things out or not.

Answer 8

What I would do if I were you... would be trying to talk with him to understand why he reacted that violently. Did you do something wrong that made him freak out? Maybe you did and just didn't realize it.
If you really think that your relationship is serious and everything, you should definitely NOT accept to forgive WITHOUT justification. What does he say to defend himself? Why did he get that aggressive? There must be a reason that he can explain. Then, after that discussion I guess you will be able to take your decision...

Answer 9

I dated a guy like that. I gave him several chances. It didn't work out.

On the other hand I'm college educated, and the alpha income earner in my home and my husband has his GED.

I suggest you forgive him. Calm down a bit. Then sit down and have a major heart to heart. If there is any reservations in him about you being more educated and eventually out earning him then you can break it off gracefully. If he can accept the situation as it is then you can work it out.

Answer 10

Well You shouldnt forget what happened, and shouldnt take it. But, we are all human, and sometimes we say things we dont mean out of stress and anger. Its your choice wheather to take him back, but at least he has said he was sorry, you need to forgive him. But make sure you tell him that you didnt like the way he treated you and dont ever want to be treated like that again. It might happen again, and you need to make a choice wheather or not you and deal with it.