I'm in big trouble and i need some serious advice?

Question

hi everyone, im in serious trouble. im 19, my g/f's 22, and we found out both to our shock and dismay that she's pregnant. we've been dating for about a year now. my problem is i have no idea how to break the news to my mom. she is very religious and i know she thinks im a virgin so she is gonna be shocked, angry disappointed, etc etc. im ready to stand up and be a good father and all that and i realize we werent as responsible as we could have been in that we only used 1 form of b/c and i should've worn a condom, but none of that's gonna matter to my mother. i really dont want to hurt her but obviously she's gonna find out eventually. i realize there's probably no easy way to do it but if anyone here has any advice based on personal experience or whatnot id appreciate it. thanx.

Answer 1

Dude, you're 19 years old... an adult. Approach it like an adult. If you act like a child to her, she is going to treat you like a child. If you and your g/f are planning on having the baby, you need to start acting like a man. No better time than now when you break it to your mother. Of course you'll probably get all the talk about how you are gonna afford it and whatnot... and they are probably questions that you don't have the answers to right now. Poor judgement on your part but you can also tell you mother if she gives you a lot of grief that you could have withheld it from her until the baby was born.

Answer 2

You did make a big mistake. But you cared enough about each other to date for almost a year. You screwed up big time with birth control. Now, realize that you should have driven straight to a clergyman the minute you realized the pregnancy was a fact - after the doctor's appointment that confirmed it. You should have gotten married like yesterday, like the day before yesterday - get yourself married, assume your responsibilities and then the task of telling your very disappointed mother that she's about to become a grandmother will be a tad easier for you and a tad easier for your mother.
Honestly, are you two still waiting for the 'right person' to come along to marry? Get over it - that wasn't an issue when you were intimate, was it?
Your mom will be hurt. OK. You say you're ready to stand up and be a good father. You're going to have to be that and be a good husband as well. You need to stop retreating from the realities of family life. This is an incredibly permissive society - that in my opinion makes grown people into babies themselves before it encourages marriage when babies are involved. It may be politically correct to be non-judgemental about children out of wedlock. But make a visit over to Yahoo! Answers Parenting category, subcategory adolescents. You'll realize that you are dragging your feet about marrying a woman you've dated for about a year. The teen mothers (single, of course, unmarried, of course) there start around age 14 (and even younger!) You are 19 and your girlfriend is 22. You've had quite a head start on the others with unplanned pregnancies.

Answer 3

Did you tell her parents yet?
Your mother will find out eventually, so the best thing is to just come to her and confess it. Tell her how truly sorry you are that you disappointed her. Tell her also that you have every intention of taking responsibility. God can forgive this, so she should be able to. She might be shocked, upset, disappointed, angry or deeply embarrassed, but if she has a strong faith in God, it should help her deal with this.
Since your girlfriend is already pregnant, the only thing left to do is deal with the consequences. Tell your mother and tell her parents. You two will need all the support you can get, since you are both young. 19 is very young for a man to be a father.
don't dwell on what you should have done, just deal with what you have now. Good luck!

Answer 4

You're absolutely right there's no easy way to tell your mother, but I will tell you the sooner you tell her the better off everybody will be. Her because she'll have time to get used to the idea that she's going to be a grandmother and accept it and plus you can let her experience the pregnancy with you both and it'll be better for you and your gf because it'll be one less thing you have to worry about and you don't wany your gf stressed out worrying about it while she's pregnant. Also it may go over a little smoother with your mom if when you tell her you also have a plan about what you need to do so she'll see you've thought this out.

Answer 5

I'm not speaking from experience but...
I think you just need to be prepared for her to be very angry to begin with...but you need to explain to her that you know you've made a mistake but you are willing to be a good father...quite a lot of people would abort a child that wasn't planned but you aren't (not sure if that's because of religious reasons or just personal choice or both!) But least your having a child with the woman you love, I think you need to allow your mum to be angry but once she's 'cooled' down hopefully she will be able to forgive and see that although it is out of marriage your bringing another one of Gods children into the world...and that can't be that bad! She's going to be a grandmother as well. You just need to explain you know that you were careless, but you're willing to do everything you can to make it right, by being the best parents you can. And you hope that she will be there with you through it. I'm not sure if this helps, but you need to tell her and accept if she gets angry, and try not to get angry back. But being a religious woman I'm sure she will be able to forgive! Good luck :)

Answer 6

well first of all you are grown. Your mother needs to accept that. There really is no safe sex unless there is no sex so dont feel bad that you didnt wear a condomn even though you probably should have because you could still get pregnant with condomns its just not likely. You need to go up to her and tell her this is what is going on my girlfriends pregnant you dont have to go into details to why she got pregnant because thats none of her business. tell her i am going to step up and do the right thing im am going to be a father. and she will probably freak out any parent would when they first found out. but if she cant accept the fact that this is going on then you just have to tell her that well sorry but this is what i am going to do wether you like it not i have made a child and i am going to do what right and take care of my family. maybe she wont come around at first but i dont think she couldnt stay away forever i mean that will be her grandchild. we live in a world wear not many people believe in pre-marital sex anymore and if your inlove with your girlfriend theres nothing wrong with haveing sex with her. in other words you have to step up and do whats right regardless if your mother likes it or not so go talk to her by yourself because your moms is going to be mad and she might say somethings about your girlfriend that would really hurt her feelings that she probably shouldnt hear right now because she pregnant and she doesnt need any extra stress. just come out and tell her you have something important to tell her and stand by what you plan to do and make sure you tell her im going to do what i have to do. hopefully after a while the sting will go away and she accept it. I wish you and your girl good luck and you are a good man because not many guys at the age of 19 would step up and be a father if they got a girl pregnant. you know it will be good to tell her as soon as you can because there is no getting around it and a few months into the pregnancy your girl is going to need you and need you to be strong for her and you dont need that on your mind so get it out and time will tell whats going to happen.

Answer 7

If she is religious she should be more forgiving. Sit down and talk to her and tell her you were trying to be responsible, but it obviously wasn't enough. There will be a child involved and you are prepared to accept the consequences of your mistake. Tell her she is right to be upset. You never wanted to disappoint her and for that you are sorry. You hope that she will help you get through this because you need her support more than ever now.
She will be hurt and upset because she loves you. It will be alright, there are worst things that can happen to our children than pregnancy and we are very thankful when they don't.

Answer 8

You and your girlfriend are both adults and you two need to take a united stance. Be direct, honest, and empathetic to your mother's feelings but do not let her lay any kind of guilt trip on you. There are much bigger things happening right now than your mother's offended morals. Times are different now and she needs to adjust and understand that things happen outside of how she feels they should. Be a man. Worry less about how your mom feels and more about taking care of the mother-to-be of your unborn child. I wish the best for you and hope your girlfriend and baby are healthy and happy.

Answer 9

I had an uncle who did the samething, but he actualy talked to his mom and they were actualy living together. What is done cannot be undone. My advice is, tell your mom the truth. Its better for her to know it right now, than knowing it later. Dont build more pain for your mom. If you tell her right now, she might forgive you now right away or in the future. So dont wait until the future. She will be mad at first remember dont get angry of whatever she will say to you, put your head down, show her how sorry you are, consider that as your punishment for what you did. get ready and good luck.

Answer 10

break it to her slowly... sit her down and tell her "I don't know how to tell you this..." I made a huge mistake, but I need your help now and I know your going to be disappointed but it's too late and all I can think of is how bad I"m going to feel cause I've done wrong. Your going to find out eventually but I wanted to tell you from my heart that I'm sorry and I now need your help..
just be open and honest that's what Mother's like when their kid confides in her and doesn't hide things.