Why don't i seem to care that my sister is dying?

Question

i'm 15 years old. i have a sister who's 18 (nearly) and has a 20/80 chance of living, something along those lines anyway....so everyone's still hoping.

i don't know why but it's not hitting me...we were always so close and she's awesome. i'm not upset in any way.....so then i try to think of what it would be like without her, it doesn't upset me...i feel like i'd just live on.

i rather not talk about it but i know i do have friends to talk to about it and teachers and stuff....this is really when i thought "what is wrong with me," cause a teacher asked me to come talk to her and she was cool about it and she was like "so how r u about the situation" and i didn't know what to say, i don't feel anything!!

what's wrong with me?...

, Jenny

p.s. wrong category*

Answer 1

Nothing is wrong w/ you. If something does happen, it will hit you, sooner or later. Now, she is still here so all is still "normal"-if that makes any sense. Also, everyone reacts differently to situations. So, don't beat yourself up if another relative is taking this harder than you. Hope all turns out well-God Bless.

Answer 2

There are a number of possible answers. I'm no psychologist, but it could be that the gravity of the situation simply hasn't struck you yet. You know that your sister might die, but it doesn't seem real to you. Another possibilty is that you may be a disconnected person. Some people have trouble feeling the same emotions that most people feel. That situation has its own reasons and conditions. You might not be mean, but your heart is just a little colder than most. From my experience, that 's not something you can change. I experience the exact same feelings, although I've never been in the exact same situation. It has to do with my past, and maybe your feelings deal with your past. You're not a horrible person, it's just that the ties that bind you to others are weak. The challenge is figuring out why, then dealing with it.

Answer 3

I know that when you are with someone who is dying, it is not just like the movies - there aren't necessarily plot lines to follow like in a play or a movie or television show. You just react to the person the way she is today. Exactly the way she is today. That is a natural thing to do.
I speak from experience because when I was with my mother and she was dying, every day was pretty comfortable for her because of drugs. When that wasn't the case, I just wanted her to be comfortable and I worried. Somehow I knew that it wasn't in my power to direct how her illness progressed. You know that, too.
Other people are concerned for you because they don't want you to feel alone with sad feelings - when you have them - so that is why they ask. They don't really know exactly what to expect, either. Psychologists say that people deal with grief in stages - anger, denial.... finally acceptance. I don't even know all the stages they identify. But those are just guidelines for when you feel like grief is overwhelming and not everyone follows a pattern.
I decided there was always hope when my mother was dying. I hope she believed this, too. You can have great feelings of grief later over something else, when your sister is healthy again (let's pray for that) and then you can go to those same concerned people and say, 'Guess what? I'm having a hard time dealing now.....'
Stay strong, honey.

Answer 4

YOu might be in a state of shock over the situation. Your emotions are so jumbled up. Hopefully she will live so you don't have to know what it'll feel like.
I've had a couple of dreams where my sister died, they seemed so real that I woke up crying. I don't want to know what it would be like for real.
At may dad's funeral I thought I would be ok, I hadn't seen him for 6 years and knew that I'd be fine as long as the casket stayed closed. That was the point I heard someone say "you think we should open the casket for the viewing now?" and I went past the casket for the viewing and lost it. I still get upset to this day when I think about how bad it hurt to see him like that after not seeing him for 6 years. My emotions caught me completely off gaurd.

Answer 5

There's nothing wrong with you Jenny. I'll explain it to you technically. This hurts you so much that your mind has protected you from feeling sad, or angry, depressed- you're in a state of denial. This is part of the grieving process and that's necessary for everyone. I'm kind of like that. I can't accept bad news right away, I think of other things instead, and that's not my choice, my mind does it for me to keep myself together. You will feel bad, but at a later time. If you DO feel like talking to qualified people about your situation, you can call Hospice Volunteers. They will help you in many ways. I am affected by your situation. And if friends try to get you to talk about, just tell them they could be a better friend by just BEING with you. You take care of yourself, Jenny!

Answer 6

Nothing is wrong with you. I lost my sister when I was 13 years old. And I didn't cry at the funeral or anything for a good week or two. The mind is a very very powerful thing. My mind was just preparing me for this. My emotions shut down about my sister. And then one day I burst into tears and cried for a few weeks. It's completely normal. Let people know you'll talk when you get to talk about it. You're tears and sadness may or may not come.

Answer 7

If you've never lost anyone it's really hard to comprehend how it will feel until it happens and even then it may not hit you until days later. It may hit you like a ton of bricks "she's really not coming back!" and it will be devastating. Some people gradually build up to this and I'd say that having it hit you would be far worse. It's always good to have family & friends close to talk to when it finally hits you.

Answer 8

You are probably in denial. In your head you think your sister will live forever. In realty she will not. Even though you are seemingly okay you are hiding from your feelings. My mother died several years ago and I felt that she would live forever. Talk to your sister. Tell her you love her and how wonderful you think she is now. If you don't it will bother you later. Maybe you should talk to your friends and family about it. By you saying that you would rather not talk about it may be that deep down inside it really bothers you and are afraid you might lose control of your feelings. Losing control of your feelings is okay by the way. You are perfectly normal. If you are worried about your feelings then you do have feelings they are just hidden. Don't beat yourself up about it. Everyone deals with things in different ways. I hope your sister lives a long life. Good Luck to you.

Answer 9

What's wrong with you? Nothing. The loss you fear is so enormous that your emotions have just shut down until you're ready to deal with it. It's a blessed deadening of feeling, and often people experience this after someone dies and then wonder why they're not feeling anything. They're feeling plenty, only it's going to hit them later.

As to what you say when people ask you, you can just say, "It's really a shock. I'm feeling kind of numb right now. I love her very much, and I appreciate your concern, but I'd rather not talk about it at the moment." You can even shorten it up, and say "I appreciate your concern, but I'd rather not talk about it right now." You need to be firm about not being forced to talk about it to anyone who asks -- you will find a time and people with whom you can talk, but it has to be your choice.

Answer 10

Denial and distancing are both ways of handling grief. Anger and lashing out are also going to be part of the cycle, where one day you might find yourself absolutely hating your sister for ruining your life, stealing all of the attention...

You have to realize right away that feelings like this are normal, and there's nothing wrong with you at all. As long as this traumatic issue is going on in your life, your reactions will vary. Your teacher offered herself to talk, but you don't have to take that if you don't want to. You can just say "Thanks, I'm still working things out and I'm not looking to talk right now."

But it can be helpful to even just sit with someone and say out that you're in the numb and detached place, where it hasn't hit you yet. That way, when you're angry or sad later, you have that same person who already understands the situation.