I recently learned that my (38 year old) boyfriend of 11 months (I'm 31), while he has made his online account inactive, he still occasionally clicks on the automatic emails that he receives and views the profiles of his "matches". He says he is not "looking", but he just looks at matches because he is curious. Am I insane, or is that not the definition of looking ? He said he will stop. I think this is completely inappropriate behavior, and I don't know what to do.
2007-02-09 03:48:40 · 12 answers · asked by tmel123 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Re. active / inactive account - it's a match account. His profile is turned off, so it's not sent to others, and it is not searchable. He has not renewed the account. Therefore, it is inactive. However, with such an account, they still send you your weekly matches to your email account, unless you go on there and specifically set it not to - it's really tricky to figure out how to set it that way. I know, because I did it with my own. Match.com makes it difficult on purpose, hoping to get your business back.
2007-02-09 04:11:05 · update #1
And, no, I was not spying on him or reading his emails. I asked him and he said he does still check the profiles of his matches that are sent to him.
2007-02-09 04:14:18 · update #2
Tell him to call you next After he has deleted the account.
He is looking for greener pastures or he just likes the ego boost..either way it's till cheating..IMHO
2007-02-09 03:52:51 · answer #1 · answered by judy g 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Woops...Uhm, hate to break it to you, but one can't receive e-mail if they are inactive. His profile is active and he seems to be looking. After 11 months and he's still active and responding to e-mail, he's still searching for something better. He's got the "grass is always greener" mentality. If I found that out, I would have given him one chance to get rid of the profile. If not, then I would leave. Don't tell him you're leaving, just tell him once and if he doesn't do it, then end things.
After reading your additions, I retract what I previously said. He is doing what all guys do...look. There isn't much difference looking at what this site is sending him and looking at women in the real world, which most guys do anyway.
2007-02-09 11:57:08 · answer #2 · answered by Groovy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I met my fiancee online, and I've occasionally clicked on the "matches" emails (before my account got cancelled from non-use) just to "look." More often than not, we'd look at them together and shudder at what was considered a "good match" for me. I don't think your b/f is looking for someone new; he really is just curious. After a while, he'll get bored with it when he realizes there's no one else for him but you. If he's willing to stop, then he cares about your feelings. I wouldn't worry if I were you. :-)
2007-02-09 11:54:06 · answer #3 · answered by Patty 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, how did you find out that he has been clicking on the emails he receives? Have you been reading his emails? to me, THAT is very inapproptiate behavior and a total invasion of his privacy.
It sounds to me like you have issues with your own security. Cut him some slack... he's just looking at emails. He's not out cheating on you. You need to trust him otherwise your relationship is going to fall apart.
2007-02-09 11:56:13 · answer #4 · answered by violetmal 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hard one ..... I had the same problem - even made up a different id and tried to lure the promise of a date out of him. After a little while i asked myself how much I trusted him and put the bogus id to rest. Don't know if it was the right thing or wrong thing to do - but we are still together :o)
2007-02-09 15:08:10 · answer #5 · answered by kass 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Aye, is your name "Miranda"? For my friend received several e-mail messages from a man who claimed to be living all alone in a large apartment, and how lonely he was, and how he had only a fish in a bowl as a company, and he worked only little hours, and a long sad story about his father leaving his family long ago.
She then checked him on-line, and he bought that flat with a girl called Miranda, who was the main payee while he worked little hours and played on-line.
When she said it to him, he called her bad names, and said that Miranda would not believe her, because she loved him.
And, indeed, I see that you do not believe...
2007-02-09 11:51:59 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some people become habitual of looking into their matches... but give him some time to settle.
2007-02-09 11:52:37 · answer #7 · answered by JENNY 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree its like he's checking if there is anything he's missing out on. It would bother me. Are you in love? If not value yourself, especially if he doesn't.
2007-02-09 11:53:38 · answer #8 · answered by texas mom 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
may be he is just interesting to see who is there. but if its a problem to you he should understand and stop. He he does not stop them it means that he does not respect you.
2007-02-09 11:55:42 · answer #9 · answered by Lisa H 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him it is important to you that he stop. Then check to see that he has.
2007-02-09 11:52:23 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋