She told me on the phone last night and it kind of sent me for a spin. I didnt expect this because she knew my background showing that I dont share the same view. I dont have a problem with her view, except for the fact that its not only "it" but everything else in between that she wants to wait for. It's very different for me because ive never been with anyone like this before, and every other girl ive seriously dated has almost pressured ME into these things, and its just what ive gotten used to doing them. I also beleive that sex is an important part to a relationship, that it creates a strong bond between the couple that is important.its definately not THE most important thing, but i think that as time passes a relationship should progress mentaly, emotionally, AND physically. I definately value the mental and emotional parts far more than the physical, but i still think the physical parts are important. 2 questions. Shouldn't she have told me this earlier? and WHAT DO I DO?!?!?!?!
2007-02-09 02:53:11 · 23 answers · asked by mike 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Respect her belief.
She didn't tell you that at first cause she was afraid of losing you.
Talk about it and see if the good outweighs the bad.
Peace!
2007-02-09 02:58:34 · answer #1 · answered by venom! 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you are a real man you will respect her for her honesty and her beliefs. Sex can be a positive and a negative in a relationship and sex is a reward for two people who actually love and care about eachother. She feels that if she has sex with you now and the two of you break up then she has just wasted what she views as precious to her. Viriginity for some women has more of a deeper meaning then men can grasp and it takes a strong man not to pressure her into having sex. Especially when you have the urge and appetite. You as a man need to talk to her and express that your view and opinion and you need to decide how far you are willing to take your relationship. Obviously she has a far sighted view of her future and if you are not ready for that then she needs to know before any further feelings are involved. It won't make you look like a bad guy for breaking up with her becuase she won't give you sex but it will make you look like a good guy if you break it off becuase you are not ready to settle down and give her the attention and affection she needs without the intimacy. The choice ultimately is yours. If she is a good girl to you consider the postive she brings and the negative she brings. Then make a wise choice!. Just remember true happiness isnt from the amount of sex you have. But the amount of value you have for your partner.
2007-02-09 03:05:35 · answer #2 · answered by dlabomme 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes she should have told you in the beginning so you can know what your dealing with, but here's the thing, you have been with her for all this time, right? So with the information on her personality, her character, her mantality, her flaws, her perfections, all of her ups and downs, and her love, do you feel that she's worth the wait, is she someone you may possibly want to marry? You must ask yourself these questions to find the answer, are you IN love with her or do you just love her? Can you deal with the "bad" part of her including the fact that she kept that a secret from you if yes, and your old enough then I say maybe you should wait, it's only the best thing to do, sex can't always be perfect just the way you like it automatically, you must MAKE it that way, perfection is taught and learned it doesn't just come automatically, when the time comes you can teach her how to please you and she can do the same and you will have great sex, it's not such a big deal as you think, sex is more than what we think, it's a learning period each and every single time you do it, you become more and more as one your horomones are in her the more you have sex with her, you share more than just private parts during sex, that's why it's best to be married, marriage makes you become as one both spiritually, mentally, and physically, so if she's worth it go for it, but if not then you know what you need to do for YOU, don't just think about her it's about you and what's best for you as well, so go for what you know and God Bless
2007-02-09 03:09:17 · answer #3 · answered by Lovely 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Did you ever stop to consider that maybe this is a religious thing. Her religion may have taught her that the sacrament of marriage IS actually sacred (no matter how many unmarried couples are living together) and she wants to respect that. I think that if she is telling you this and is actually respecting HERSELF by sticking to her morals and values, then you should respect her too. Yeah, the physical part is very important in a marriage because face it if you dont like IT you're going to cheat or she's going to cheat (although if she's this strict about the sex thing, she doesnt seem likely to cheat on you). If you're serious about this girl and really do LOVE her, then you would respect her decision. If you just LIKE her and are going to get obsessed about her decision, then maybe you should break up with her and let her find someone that is going to truely love her and respect her decisions.
2007-02-09 03:10:00 · answer #4 · answered by MariChelita 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you are right, and I would hate to be in your situation. I think it is SO wrong to both attach a hell of a lot of importance to sex (which is natural and not "wrong" just cause two people arent married) and then at the same time to be so repressed about it. I think what you have here are incompatible belief systems, which are really hard to get past. What if you guys are sexually incompatible? In my experience, girls who wait for sex when their husbands havent regret it later and have affairs. She should realise this isnt the 19th century. Poor girl. If you love her, stay with her and see what happens. If you dont then get out before you become too attached to her and find somebody else who shares your belief system.
2007-02-09 03:03:52 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She most certainly should have told you earlier before both of you got too attached to each other. She should have given you the benefit of the doubt and respected you enough to make your own decision about it. Sounds like she wanted to wait to tell you so it would be harder for you to back out. As to what you should do, that is up to you. Can you live like this with no sex? Do you think it might lead to cheating? It is your belief that people should have sex to bring two people closer together...that it is healthy to the relationship. You have two choices...stay with her and deal with not having sex, or end it before it gets even more serious. You shouldn't try to talk her into sex.
2007-02-09 02:59:42 · answer #6 · answered by Groovy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with the gist of the answers- tell her your expectations, and your shock at her announcement- and make some decisions based on your feelings and what you can deal with [i.e. no sex].
Just one other point of contention, she should have said something earlier, as others pointed out, but not having had sex, she may not actually know how important this was to a man to find out sooner. Before my first time, I heard the rumors of how sex minded men were, but it 'couldnt really be true' that it was so single mindedly important.
2007-02-09 03:07:54 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, she should have told you earlier but, maybe she wanted you to get to know her first...give her a chance to show you who she really is before making a decision based on sexual preference. The both of you should talk about it...You should both respect eachothers wishes...Try finding an even medium and if not then make you decision...At least you know she hasn't been around the block...5 months isn't long at all if you compare it to a lifetime. Be patient with her, but let her know you also have needs...
2007-02-09 03:00:33 · answer #8 · answered by Kamaria 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ouch, you are right, she should had tell you earlier. I think its the best for you tell her the truth that you are not in same level as her. I agree with you, i would rather to have sex before married time, let see what it is like before the real life with someone. You have to inform her that you don't want that way and hope she can change her mind for that (if you really love her). Also 5 months is too early to make decisions. Right now you have to inform him before she find out that you disagree with her.
2007-02-09 02:59:48 · answer #9 · answered by MissGal 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
some girls think that it will mean even more if they're still a virgin until they're married- other girls don't
unless it came up in an earlier conversation, then why would she have told you earlier? at least she's being honest
and you shouldn't pressure her, even though you want to and think it will help your relationship, if she doesn't want to then by you accepting that when she knows how much it means to you will also strengthen your relationship. She'll know that you care about what she wants.
2007-02-09 02:59:25 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She should have told you from the begining, but on the other hand there are very few women like that today and if you love her and might marry her wait for "It".You will be the first for her and can teach her evey thing you know about making love, and she will learn it your way.
2007-02-09 03:50:39 · answer #11 · answered by Ernesto T 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋