I'm 15, how can I live with what I got to know 2 weks ago?

Question

I've always lived with my motherly grandparents. I was told my parents died some months after I was born. My grands are legally my parents and I even call them dad and mom, they've always been very good to me, great parents. But I got to know my mom was 14 when I was born and she committed suicide 1 month later, after taking drugs. My father was then 16 and disappeared. This was a shock to me. Though I'm an honor student, I even thought about leaving school and forgetting about my goal of becoming an engineer. My grandparents cried a lot when they finally told me the truth, said they'll always love my mom, she was a wonderful girl and unfortunately got lost. But, she was their child, how come they couldn't prevent a 14 yo from getting on drugs and taking her own life? If I ever have a kid, I won't let her take her life. They said she's alive in me and I ended up feeling kinda sorry for them, they were afraid I'd something stupid too. And of course, now I hate my biological father.

This is a hurtful situation, I love my grandparents, but why did my mom commit suicide? They were responsible for her

Answer 1

SHE committed suicide, it is NOT your grandparents fault. She made the choice, she did it, it is all HER fault. You need to forgive them both and move on with your life. It is not even worth it to think or dwell upon it. Just try to forget it and think of better things.

Answer 2

I'm sorry, but you may never know why your mom committed suicide. Your grandparents probably have no clue either. It sounds as if they are very loving and supportive, and I think it is honorable that they have told you the truth. It must have been extremely difficult for them. Some kids do what they want to do, whether they have loving parents or not. Your mom may have just gotten in with the wrong crowd, or with the wrong guy, and she couldn't face her parents with the hurt she caused or was feeling. You just never really know what goes on in some peoples minds that make them think that suicide is the only answer. Most of the time the people left behind had no idea anything was even wrong. Please don't leave school or let your goals be hindered because of the news you have learned. Go forward and keep your chin up. You have two very loving parents, who will help you through this difficult time. You sound extremely intelligent and mature for your age, and you will go far in your life. Don't let the past rule your future...learn from it and go forward. Let it make you stronger and more determined to achieve your dreams. Hugs to you and your grandparents!

Answer 3

Wow, what a very heavy burden to bear, for both you and your grandparents. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. The rate of suicide especially among teens is high and has been quite high for sometime. Dont blame your grandparents for not stopping her, I am sure if they could have, they would have. Your mother and father were both very young and I am sure at the time they both thought they were doing the right thing. Your father, and mother were probably quite overwhelmed with the idea of being parents at such a young age. I have had a couple of very close friends who committed suicide they were much older. Many times in life things happen and some of us do not have the strenght or maturity to deal with the complications of stress or life in general. At the age of 14 your mom was dealing with a great deal, and she probably seen this a way out, not realizing at the time how permanent and hurtful her actions would be. Your father was probably devastated by the death of your mom and still under the rules of his parents probably felt helpless. Talk to your grandparents, this has probably one of the most difficult things they ever had to deal with in their lives. You should not give up on any of your goals, ideas and dreams. Go forward and be the best you can be, your mother is probably watching over you and very proud. Succeed and be the best you can be. So you can be proud of the individual you have become, and make your grandparents proud of you as well. I am so sorry for your loss. And I will keep you and your family in my prayers. Keep doing what your doing, continue on in a positive direction. Adversity comes and go's, as long as we have been blessed with another day, we can make it better. Unfortunately, the reasons you are seeking died with your mom. I am sure your grandparents have asked themselves the same question over and over again. There is no answer as to why, it happened and the only one who would be able to give you an explanation is gone. I am so sorry for your pain. Please do not give up on your dreams.
Good luck to you and God bless****

Answer 4

No one knows exactly why some people take their own lives. It can be a combination of factors, with clinical depression playing a large role. Your grandparents may not have been able to stop her. It sounds like they have been wonderful to you, so don't blame them! Consider yourself lucky to have such caring people looking after you.

14 is way to young to have a child. It was probably very depressing and scary for your mother. Your biological dad probably panicked, being only 16.

Stay in school and become an engineer. You will make good money, have the opportunity to work anywhere in the world, and will have the opportunity to be an excellent parent some day. Don't deprive yourself, and the world, of being a bright, kind, and influential person. Best of luck to you!

Answer 5

Sometimes you can't look at the situation now. I mean that was a long time ago and your grandparents probably didn't know the severity of her problems.
Noone really ever knows when that certain person is going to commit suicide.
You do have to look at it like...you were your mothers son and it was very selfish of her to take her own life. I mean what would've happened if your grandparents weren't able to take you in?
Look at it that way. I don't think that you should look at it being your grandparents fault for her death. She is responsible for it.
Now for the dad...men sometimes can't take the heat when they know that they have to grow up and become a responsible adult no matter how young they are.
I really am sorry that you had to find out this way.
I wish you the best.

Answer 6

Wow that is a very sad story, and my heart goes out to you and your family.

But the truth is you are old enough to know that your grandparents are only human, they don't have special powers, they can't be everywhere at once and even if they could their is nothing that proves they could have stopped your mother. She may have only been 14 but you are only 15 and I'm sure you know if you really wanted to do something, they really couldn't stop you. Your mother was still very young and clearly didn't know the proper way to handle stress, and I'm sure your grandparent's blame them selves but it is really not their fault. Sometimes people who commit suicide leave warnings but a lot of times they don't.

Learn from your mother's mistakes, talk to people when you have a problem. And if you really want to get back at your father, live a good and happy life, make a lot of money, he'll be kicking himself for not throwing away winning lotto ticket.

Good Luck.

Answer 7

Honestly, I don't really think that it is your situation to be involved in. This happened to a woman you never even knew. Your grandparents probably told you because they thought you deserved to know. They could have hid it from you but obviously they thought you were mature enough to know the truth. Do you ever long for your mother? Probably not. Unfortunately your mother chose her path in life so don't blame your grandparents nor your biological father. What you should do is learn from what happened to your mother and thank god for your grandparents. Now go out there and prove to your grandparents what a wonderful person you are (i am pretty sure they already know).

Answer 8

That is a lot of difficult information to process and accept. Your grandparents must have thought that you were mature enough to understand it. The initial shock is bad, but please try to understand that they wanted you to know the truth. They must be getting up in age and they wanted to be able to tell you about it themselves.
Your grandparents have been through a lot and they must be wonderful people. They chose to raise you as their own child instead of putting you up for adoption or into the foster care system. They have been loving parents to you and you mean the world to them. They loved your mom deeply and they see her in you.
Please don't blame them for your mother's drug use and suicide. Surely, you must know some kids who have good parents but who get into drugs and other life styles despite being warned and growing up in good homes. It happens. She wanted to have you and she carried you for 9 months and went through labor and your birth. She may have gone through postpartum depression after you were born. They didn't know much about it then. Also, the fact that your father left must have been a severe shock to her. She would be so proud of how you are living your life.
Don't hate your father. He was just a kid, too, and probably was scared to death of the responsibility of having a child. He probably was into drugs, too, which clouded his judgment.
Make the most of this wonderful gift of life and loving (grand) parents that you have. The have worked hard and deserve to be able to see you grow up into a fine man with a wonderful future. They have done the very best they could. I hope you come to realize this soon. Bless all of you.

Answer 9

They are not to blame for your mom commiting suicide or being on drugs. kids rebel. Maybe they didn't have a relationship with her, but if someone wants to commit suicide they will. It's very hard to foresee & stop.

Your mom died about a month after you were born? She probably has postpardum depression and didn't understand that what she was going through was normal, I'm sorry to hear about it, but don't be angry at your grandparents-they didn't do it. And your father may have some answering to do, but remeber he was a child and probably regrets leaving you.

Answer 10

They were not responsible for her death. At 15 you should no what teenagers are going through. That age is difficult enough in the perfect environment. Perhaps your mother thought your father would be there for her and you after you were born. Maybe she couldn't handle the thought of trying to raise a child on her own. Neither you nor your grandparents are to blame. My grandparents pretty much raised me as well. My mother had custody, but mostly left me with my grandparents. I do not blame them for the fact my mother was abusive. They were good parents to her and me. My mother's problems are her own, not anyone else's. No one will ever know exactly why your mother did what she did, she was the only person who could answer that. As for your grand parents, you should be thankful that they love you and took care of you. Your mother was only thinking of herself when she committed suicide, but your grandparents were thinking of you when they gave you love and took care of you. As for your biological father, you are justified in your feelings. He abandoned you, he too was only thinking of himself.

Answer 11

first of all let me begin by saying your grandparent's are a godsend because everyday mothers do what yours did and the children are left alone, with no family, in abusive situations and in shelters. your grandparents didnt have anything to do with your mothers suicide. if anything they suffered more than she did, they had to deal with the fact not only do they have a grandchild but the lost a child, and holding this from you for so many years. your going to be shocked thats a normal reaction but you have to realize your mother is missing out on seeing the wonderful person that you are and dont hate your biological fathere, he's probably hating himself enough for you. suicide is one of the most selfish things a person can do, they think by taking themselves out it will help more but in fact it hurts more. please stay blessed and keep your head up