My daughter is 16 and deeply depressed?

Question

My daughter is very beautiful and very smart, but every since her sister was born she has changed and seems to be angry all the time, she says it's because their birthday's are on the same day 12 years apart, she is in the eleventh grade, but lately her grades has dropped to all D's, she's been seeing a doctor for 3 weeks now, I just wander if there should be any change yet.

Answer 1

no, it will take some time. I was 12 when my brother came along, and went into 1st grade when I went to college. It was hard because I felt like I had a child instead of a sibling before I graduated from high school. I wasnt extremely depressed, but my life did change and I didnt get to do all of the things I should have been able to do, etc.

She is probably just feeling like something has intruded, and since you have to spend more time with the baby, I can see where she may feel left out.

Just be supportive and let her work it out in her therapy classes.

Answer 2

Have you spoken quitely to your daughter about her sister.
Most kids are only a few years apart. Sounds like you daughter resents the new baby.
PERHAPS...you could include her in caring for the baby.
I think I would resent a younger brother or sister taking my moms attention away from me.
Why not take her to a councellor and you go too.
Why does she resent the fact that her sister was born on her bithday.
Does it mean that attention is taken away from her.
Perhpas if you could get a baby sitter a couple of times a week and spend some quality time with number one..showing her that number two is not getting all the attention.
Is there a grandmother in the picture.
I think NUMBER ONE has been doted on all her life and she resents the fact that she now has to share you.
SOMETIMES it would be better if we were like cats and dogs.
Shoo the first litter away to make way the the next

Answer 3

So I take it she was an only child?That sure is a long time to be the only one, then a new baby comes in the picture.And now all the attention is going on the baby.Everbodys coming over,just to see the baby.Its like shes on the outside looking in.Did the doctor put her on anti - depressants? That will take about 6 weeks to kick in.Until then try to give her a little bit more attention.Let her know there might be a baby in the house but she is still your little girl no matter how big she gets.Take her to McDonalds,or maybe have her pick a day that will be just you and hers.Maybe get a babysitter for little sister and you two go shopping,see a movie. Hopfully her grades will start to raise.And she will seem to be a little happier.Make sure you take care of you to.You both are in my prayers, take care now...

Answer 4

I don't think that her answer will come from a doctor. Don't get me wrong, I my-self study psychiatry. However, this is something that should be taken care of between you and her.

I went through this with my own daughter's best friend. Her birthday and her Dad's are on the same day. This makes both feel like it's just "another day"... (My own daughter has her birthday every 4 years on the same as Easter and it lessons the importance to her for the day that she was born.) when what the teenager really needs is recognition for "her" day. It's obvious and natural that she doesn't like sharing that day, especially with a sibling.
What I would suggest... (We did this with my daughter and it works out well. Once my teens reached 16, this is how we deal with it and it's great!) Take the night before her birthday, (Or... the weekend before her birthday if her birthday doesn't come on a weekend that year) and let her have a "friends party"... Only friends at your house, you and the baby being occupied somewhere else in the house or in the yard, you occassionally checking on them. This will validate her need to have her day celebrated as one person instead of a person that is sharing it with someone else in the household.
... then, on the day that they share the actual birth date, have a "family" party where you only invite relatives to help both her and the sibling celebrate their special day. She will already feel as though she has had her time and won't mind as much sharing the day with the sibling. When the sibling reaches 16, begin that sibling with the same process.
My daughter graduates this year from high school... I'm going to give her a party the night or weekend before with her friends and then on graduation, she will spend a few hours with relatives, thus getting the satisfaction of having her own time with her peers, as well as having time with family. It doesn't cost much more to have two parties, when you buy a cake mix and make it your-self and for the peers party, provide refreshments and for the family parties... provide a home baked cake and ask the family members to bring something to add to the potluck style party. We do this all the time in my family and extended family and it works out great! :)
Try it and let me know how it works out for you. Take care and remember, this is something you need to change with her. A teenage girl needs her mother when she can't identify her emotions that seem to bring on depression. Talking with her about this proposal will show you that she would be interested and there is much hope!

Sincerely, Shelia.

Answer 5

You should try to sit down and talk to her, listen to what she has to say, don't get in an argument, If she yells at you just calmly tell her that you just want to talk and figure out how she feels what issues are bothering her. Do this before you lose her completely. My mother never tried to figure out what was wrong with me, she was too scared to try. And now we can't even open up to each other about anything personal because we both don't know how to react to each others problems. Try to have a relationship with her early, because if you don't, there is a possibility that you both will become distant from each other, or at least her from you. I hope that everything works for the best for the both of you! Good Luck!!!!

Answer 6

Hun have you ever heard the expression "Rome wasn't build in a day"? It takes time, trust me when it comes to this. Its problem not just because there birthdays are on the same day. There maybe some other reasons. It takes time just give her space. One thing I have noticed with parents that are dealing with children that are depressed they seem to let them get away with murder! Don't be like this then your child will know that if she just blames it on her depression then she will get what ever she wants. Let her know that you are there for her. Keep the same rules don't make any exceptions. Trying to be a parent and a friend it's hard to defaecate the two. Be strong!

Answer 7

It's gonna take more than 3 weeks!
You really, really need to spend quality time with her alone. She probably needs meds, along with counseling and maybe even family counseling.
Understand that she didn't have to compete before her sister was born. Give her your attention, time and daily conversations without interruption. Make a weekly date with her. This will be a time consuming healing process and better to work on it now than later in life.
Three weeks just isn't enough time to show improvement.

Answer 8

I would just say be patient. I suffer from depression and know how this thing goes. Seeing a doctor is a good start. But maybe she just doesn't mesh well with the doctor. I recently found out that the reason I am depressed is due to PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder). Maybe it goes deeper than just her sister being born. Maybe you should find a PTSD specialist to evaluate her and maybe they could help her.

Answer 9

Maybe she is being bullied at school, or is taking drugs (how would you know?). Medication can take some time to be effective, I would say several weeks as a maximum, before reviewing the situation, and possibly seeking a second opinion or different or increased medication.

Answer 10

I'm so sorry to hear that. 16 is a tough time, especially when a new baby is taking the glory. sounds to me she just needs a little more attention and love, i'm sure you giver her plenty but she doen't feel like it. Also, getting older for some teens is awful. I know, I cried when I turned 18. Just be very sensitive and nurturing to her even when she pushes you away.... good luck and I sincerely hope she gets better....