Our friends are getting married soon my husband is standing as one of the groomsmen and he recently went for a tux fitting, to rent his tux it cost $175. The bridemaids (one of my friends is a bridesmaid) dresses were $150 then the bride changed her mind to a different dress and now it cost like $260..besides this during all the fittings the bride and groom hold parties for the wedding party no one else (for ex. the spouses of the wedding party aren't invited)now their throwing a party so their wedding party can help plan their Jack 'n' Jill..(all tickets are going to be $10 even for the wedding party) and they want the wedding party to help with the costs of the Jack 'n' Jill..My husband agreed to being a groomsmen for his friends wedding not knowing we're going to be spending so much money...a week after the wedding is our son's 1st birthday, and we just moved into a new house and planning a vacation for next year(we need to save for)..Is this to much to ask from the wedding party?
2007-02-09 01:01:23 · 11 answers · asked by nlmomma23 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
The wedding is also out of town so we're going to need a babysitter for all night because of the distance...plus the gift....and drinks at the reception etc. its costing so much, but its one of my hubands bestfriends
2007-02-09 01:03:50 · update #1
Jack "N" Jill is party like a bachelor and bacelorette instead all together and instead of gifts you give money, buy tickets for prizes and drinks a pay money to get in to help the bride and groom cover the costs of the wedding
2007-02-09 01:11:16 · update #2
Well, you have a point on some things, and not on others. When you are asked to be in a wedding, it is first and foremost an honor. When your husband was asked, did he not know that his attire and some pre-wedding costs would be involved? I also assume he knew when his son's birthday would be and that the wedding would also be out of town, and that you have a new house, or that you wanted a vacation next year? If it really was going to be too much of a financial hardship, he should have graciously declined. I won't even get into the whole "Jack and Jill" thing, it sounds really tasteless to me. Selling tickets? Ughh. The tuxedo rental sounds like an average price to me, so he really shouldn't complain too much. The fact the bride changed the bridesmaids dresses to a more expensive version, really doesn't directly effect you, bit it is kind of messed up. Honestly, other than this Jack and Jill deal, I don't think they are asking too much. All of it sounds like common costs that are expected when one is invited to participate in the wedding.
2007-02-09 06:27:29 · answer #1 · answered by MelB 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well...how long has this planning been going on and when is the actual wedding taking place? What are your actual costs going to be? 10 years ago, when I was making a lot less money than I do now, I was in two weddings just 3 weeks apart...at a cost of more than $300 for both dresses (like actually closer to $400). You guys are only paying for one tux, hotel room and gift. You're just staying overnight? I'm gathering you both knew in the beginning you'd have to be going out of town for that, so that is one thing you should have been prepared for at the outset. Also, he should have been prepared for the cost of the tux which from what I understand are a minimum of $100. One thing I don't know about is this whole Jack 'n' Jill thing. Something I've never heard of (although I was once at a wedding where a Jack and Jill actually married). And I really don't agree with them holding parties exclusively for the wedding party, not even inviting spouses. But in the end, the cost of the tux and lodging should have been realized in the beginning and planned for.
Oh yeah...a cash bar is rather tacky...of course, that could also limit your intake.
2007-02-09 01:14:01 · answer #2 · answered by Sunidaze 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You might not be able to do much about the cost of the wedding attire, but your husband can do something about the expense of the parties he is being asked to support. He should have a say because he is part of the wedding party. The party usually discusses what they are planning to do. If they bride and groom want a Jack and Jill etiquette says that these parties are held instead of a stag party and bridle shower, so they should not expect these of you also. If all else fails you and your husband set a budget and let the bridal party know how much you are willing to spend and once you reach your limit, it doesn't matter on what, then you will pay for nothing further. I did this at my mother-in-laws 25th anniversary party. My in-laws would have run me into the poor house. I told them right away what I was planning on spending, anything over they could cover. We had no problems after that, I basically wrote my sister-in-law a check and money was never discussed with us again. Money is the route of all evil. Be sure not to let it end friendships or send you into the poor house. If you are not going to watch your pocketbook no one will. Set an amount and stick to it, the sky is not the limit.
2007-02-09 03:04:54 · answer #3 · answered by w2kaad 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ok there are so many things wrong with this situation.
1. over 200 bucks for bridesmaid dressed are way too much!! Mine are 125 dollars and they are gorgeous. THe bride should atleast offer to pay the difference or any amount over a certain amount.
2. How can she not invite the pspouses of the wedding party. The bride is being very cheap for someone who is asking her girls to pay almost 300 dollars for a dress that they will wear once.
3. I dont even know what a Jack n Jill is, and the nerve to ask their party to cover any costs of their wedding.
That is just terrible. Your husband should back out.
2007-02-09 07:20:28 · answer #4 · answered by TamnJosh 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry your family got stuck with all of this and yes, it does sound like too much to me.
Bear in mind that it's likely that your husband's friend is not the one asking for all of these expenses, but his fiancee who's planning it all--the bride, in other words. It is also her choice not to invite the spouses to the planning party for the Jack and Jill.
Would it be possible for your husband to take his friend the groom aside and have a word? Just explain the situation to him, if they are good friends as you say, hopefully the groom will understand and maybe there's a way to gracefully bow out of some of these expensive events.
Unfortunately, it's also possible that the groom is stuck with these arrangements also, sometimes that happens. I have also heard of weddings where the bride herself is stuck because of her mother or mother-in-law wanting all these things. Some families look at a wedding as an opportunity just to make money. Sad but true.
If you absolutely must go through with all of it, then I think your first financial priority has to be your son's 1st birthday, but you can have a really nice birthday for him at home with just a cake and invite your family and friends. This is what we did for both our sons' 1st birthdays, and it was really nice. The baby won't notice, he's only little. Then as far as your house goes, only do what you must do until your budget recovers. The family vacation may have to wait till next year, and you'll have to live on a tight budget for a while.
Sometimes you just have to chalk it up to experience, and next time you're asked to participate in a wedding, see if you can find out in advance what your financial commitments will be.
Best wishes to you and your family.
2007-02-09 01:27:26 · answer #5 · answered by mom of 2 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Dress and tux are normally cost... but what the hell is a Jack and Jill??? Is that like a fund for the wedding?? That's freaken tacky!! And everyone should get a guest!!!??? That is soo freaken rude....
I would say your husband could get really really sick and not be able to attend all this crap.
OK- NOW I really think their tacky, you should pay for your own darn wedding... and not mooch money off of people but calling it a Jack and Jill. Don't buy them a wedding present- just give them a card, you have paid way to much already. Beside if you already helping them pay for the wedding with this jack and jill thing- you don't owe them anymore then that!!
2007-02-09 01:07:13 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
If this is one of your husbands "best friend's"...why is he "standing in" for one of the groomsmen. Why wasn't he first choice? Anyway, It does seem like a lot to ask especially since the wedding is out of town. this jack and Jill (is that the bridal shower or bachelor party). If it is the bridal shower then they really aren't supposed to be planning it. the bridesmaid's plan the shower. when is the wedding...if there is plenty of time you husband should really think this through and if you really can't afford all this he needs to talk to his friend and tell him he can't afford it. He might have to back out of the wedding. Does he know the other people in the wedding. Can he talk to them to see if they feel the same way?
2007-02-09 01:15:36 · answer #7 · answered by Steph E 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
No, I'm sorry, but these are all normal and expected costs of being in a wedding party. The couple is not asking too much. But if your husband cannot afford all of this, he needs to tell the couple immediately so that they can make other arrangements.
However, it's odd that the spouses of the wedding party aren't invited. It isn't wrong and it isn't too much to ask...just odd.
Be sure to save a bit of money for the wedding gift. One is still expected from your husband, even though he's in the wedding party.
2007-02-09 02:04:05 · answer #8 · answered by Pink Denial 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I don't think my tuxes were that much. I'm thinking they were like $90. I also provided the junior attendants with their attire. I think a couple who wants their attendants to spend that kind of money on their day is being very selfish!
2007-02-09 01:24:42 · answer #9 · answered by Gabby_Gabby_Purrsalot 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Stop complaining, what you spent is going to come close to what the Bride and Groom are shelling out.
2007-02-09 02:30:36 · answer #10 · answered by kristy w 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋