really out of ideas here...?

Question

i have major depressive disorder and after years of hospitalizations, shock treatments, a suicide attempt, i finally found a medicine that works fairly well. but i haven't been doing well lately. i'm married to a really wonderful man, but i cannot feel that i love him. i don't think separating is a good idea for me. i'm completely dependent upon him, financial, emotionally, etc. but i feel totally alone. i feel i have nothing to enjoy in life. boredom, loneliness and sexual frustration led me to talking to guys on the internet, and i've developed feelings for and attachment to someone with whom i have no future. it is nothing but misery; i agonize over him all day. i haven't spoken to him in a couple of days in effort to get over it and refocus my priorities, but i just feel so much worse. i'm Christian and i've been praying about this, but it's not working. i'm feeling suicidal and considering going back in the hospital, but i've been that route and it doesn't do any good.

Answer 1

Since it seems that you have already tried the conventional routes, I think it is safe to say that you might benefit by supplementing your regular drugs and therapy with some unconventional approaches. I will suggest a few options. These ideas may seem whacky, but very often the best solution to seemingly unsolvable problems must seem whacky, cuz otherwise it would have already been solved. I will also add a few idea about your specific romantic/sexual concerns at the end.

Meditation: Some Christians avoid meditation because of its links to eastern religions like Buddhism, Daoism, and Hinduism, but in reality meditative practices can be just as helpful and spiritually rewarding for Christians as they can for followers of these other religions. You can be a Christian and meditate at the same time. In fact, you will probably discover that meditative practices actually deepen your Christian faith because ultimately your faith in Christ can be no deeper than your knowledge of (and faith in) yourself.

EMDR: This stands for " Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing ". It has been proven effective for post-traumatic stress disorders, but some therapists have recently been exploring the use of this technique for other emotional problems, and the results have been very promising. Unless you can identify some major traumatic event in your life, many therapists will say you don't need EMDR, but if you keep looking you can probably find a therapist with more up-to-date EMDR training who is willing to give it a try.

Jungian analysis and/or Gestalt therapy: I think you might especially try Jungian or Gestalt dreamwork. At the very least I think you will find it fascinating, but it may also help you make conscious connections to some of your deeper problems.

Holistic healer: It can be difficult to find a good healer because it is so easy to be a quack in this field, but I have met some, so I know they do exist. I've discussed how to do this in some of my other answers here on Yahoo Answers.

Keep in mind I am not suggesting that you give up whatever anti-depression drugs your psychologist is prescribing. Clinical depression is associated with chemical imbalances in the brain, so the right drugs can be helpful. But too many psychologists are blind to any alternatives to prescription drugs, and this is unfortunate because the issues are often more complex than just a biochemical imbalance. If your psychologist makes you feel stupid for asking about alternatives like the ones I've mentioned, then I strongly suggest getting a different therapist. What you need may be deeper healing than a narrow-minded psychologist can provide. You need a psychologist who is willing to think holistically and creatively.

As for your relationship with your husband, my perspectives are vastly different than normal, so it may seem impossible to even consider some of what I am about to say. I don't know how long you have been married, but it is very common for the sexual/romantic blaze that you feel early in a relationship to quite down after a few years. Some people think they are falling out of love, when in reality they are just maturing into a different phase of love. This doesn't mean that erotic passion has to completely disappear, but for many people the "steady glow" of erotic passion that remains after the blaze settles down is not enough to keep them feeling fulfilled. Some would say this dissatisfaction is a sign of sexual addiction, but I think it is just normal human emotion rooted in biological evolution. In any case, my own suggestion is to think deeply about the possibility of opening your marriage to some form of non-monogamy. Once you understand your own feelings about it, then talk to your husband. These are complex issues and I can't get into all of the details here, but there are ways to think about this that do not have to interfere with your religious faith (assuming you are willing to even consider these ideas in the first place). There are lots of alternatives that you might never have even thought of before. Even if you can't consider non-monogamy, there are still ways that you can engage in safe erotic adventures while remaining monogamous. I've discussed some of these alternatives in previous answers. The main point I want to make is that the erotic feelings you develop for other people do not necessarily have to destroy your marriage, and they do not mean that you don't love your husband. Depending on your own beliefs and personality, you might even discover whole new realms of deepening love for your husband by exploring non-monogamy. This may seem paradoxical, but I've seen it happen.

You are also welcome to email me directly, if you want. You might also enjoy skimming through some of my other answer here in Yahoo Answers because a lot of what I talk about deals with psychology, spirituality, sexuality, and various philosophical ideas related to these realms of life.

Answer 2

Wow. Your story is a classic description of clinical depression.

Depression can be as deadly as cancer.

If you had a treatable cancer, would you treat it? Of course you would.

Some people are born and develope diabetes or asthma, some people are predisposed to depression.

Depression is difficult to treat because there is no quick fix and many people don't understand it (eg. what do you have to be depressed about???)

It also is a never ending battle, The goal is to keep it at bay. This is best done with the help of a good Psychiatrist, medications and support
(i.e family church).

You recognize this as a problem and not normal - this is good and increases the likelyhood that you will succeed.

Most people that have true depression fail several treatments before succeeding.

Keep trying!

Good luck.

Answer 3

There is nothing wrong with talking to people on the internet but it is just fun,not your life.Maybe you just need some one on one with a professional,a third party who can listen and give you a different perspective on things.
You may also want to discuss this with your husband,if is a wonderful person,he might just understand and support you.Keeping things inside is not healthy for you or your marriage.Not to be a devil's advocate but maybe this relationship is not for you.But in any case,be aware that people are not always who or what they claim to be in person,let alone on the internet...talk to someone...trust someone...it can only help at this point.

Answer 4

well that really wonderful man married you for a reason, therefore somewhere under this is a really wonderful woman. talk to your husband, tell him that you feel lonely, and that there is nothing fun anymore. also talk to him about your sexual frustrations, if he is truly a wonderful man he will do everything he can to make things better for you. no man on the internet can make you feel as loved as your husband can who can physically be there and support you. i would leave out the talking to other guys on the internet, at least for now. but i cant imagine that your husband would be unwilling to listen to you and help you out. I hope you feel better!