Advice - Just want some advice really, have been going out with my GF for nearly 6 and a half years (I'm 21)

Question

I feel as though I can never talk to her, I bottle things up as it is but whenever I have a problem & I tell her she has a go & basicly says stop moaning her problems are bigger, now I have completly stopped telling her my problems. just latley we've been under a lot of stress and she takes it out on me and make me feel its my fault. I love her and pretty i'm pretty certain she loves me but I just feel that I can't go on, I have tried to tell her in the past but all i get told is "if you don't like it you know where the door is" I'm seriously thinking about leaving her but it could cause problems at work (she works with me) and in the family (My sister & her brother are married) plus the fact I love her. I have thought of leaving before but every time I go to go some thing stops me - be it love or the complications it would cause I don't know. I now feel I'm growning away from her but still really luv her....... To be continued

normally I'm really layed back but this is really getting to me maybe I'm being too nice (not trying to blow my own trumpit here) what do you think i should do

normally I'm really layed back but this is really getting to me maybe I'm being too nice (not trying to blow my own trumpit here) what do you think i should do

Answer 1

Dont let any complications get in your way, it's not love it's habit and the fear of being alone. You deserve to be happy so stop wasteing your life and break free. It will be hard at first but i think you will BOTH be better off.

Answer 2

What you're describing is not love. It sounds more like a whole lot of stress and much unhappiness. If you really loved each other you would both be able to sit down and take turns discussing your problems. You listen to her, she listen to you. For someone, who supposedly loves you, to tell you, "Stop moaning my problems are bigger" that's not love dear. What she's selfish telling you is, "I don't want to hear about you. It's all about me".

Do you want to continue to stay in a relationship with someone like that? If it has come to the point that you don't tell her how you feel anymore than you don't have a relationship. What if the two of you decided to get married? Do you think this situation is going to get better? Can you imagine if you had kids and she treated them the same way? Or let them see how she disregards you?

She's already told you if you don't like it you know where the door is. What you should do is show her that you don't like it, find the door, walk through it and don't look back.

One poster said it's not love it's fear of being alone. I agree. This relationship is familiar and although she is horrible to you at least you have someone. But stop and think. You really don't. If she can't be there for you when you need her then you don't have her. You're getting more support from the people on Yahoo Answers than your girlfriend of 6 1/2 years. Now what does that tell you.

Pack your bags, get in the wind and on the road. The family will get over it. And even if they don't they're not the ones who dealing with this person. Nevermind what other people say. You do
what's best for you. Right now, peace of mind is the best thing for you and you won't find it staying with this woman.

Stress will make you ill and it can kill you. Get out before that happens. Best of luck to you.

Answer 3

IMO, when women start acting like they don't need you, or acting like the woman you are describing, you are prolly being too nice. What I mean Is, deep down she doesn't want someone who she thinks whines to much and doesn't act like a man. You have to amplify the attraction In the relationship by being more confident, showing that you can handle things on your own sometimes. When girls are attracted to you like really strongly, and they feel that gut level feeling about you, they will be the ones coming to you whining about how you don't talk to them enough. That should be your goal. Amplify how she feels for you by being more confident and also UNPREDICTABLE. She Is probably tired of the same old routine, and Is being grouchy because In all actuallity, you aren't being the type of guy that she wants. However, my guess Is that you probably were more of these things In the beginning of the relationship, and after six years, things can get boring really quickly. I say you are lucky that she Is still around, but that Is good because now you can fix It before she tells you that she wants to leave you. And trust me, with what she has said, that Is where this whole thing Is headed. Well that Is my advice...I can be more detailed If you want.
I say that If It does get worse before you get a chance to change your ways, you should leave her before she leaves you. This way there will still be a chance at reconcilliation. If she leaves YOU, then there Is way less hope. I know a lot of people, especially women, won't agree with what I'm saying, but trust me dude. With women, a lot of complications boil down to a lack of ATTRACTION. I cannot emphasize that enough. And If she does break up with you, and you want to work it out, the best way Is to try and get over her...Don't call her two or three times a day to try and convince her, because It won't work. Anyway, just my two cents.

Answer 4

Hi there, I feel so sorry for you as I sense the pain you are feeling right now. Six years is a long time, but you were both very young when you started dating. As you get older you change, your personality, your goals and ambitions and unless you grow together then you will be pulling in different directions (I have experience of this as I married the man I met at 15 and we eventually divorced for this reason). Your girlfriend sounds very selfish if she doesn't listen to your problems but just harps on about her own - this means she is not there for you emotionally which is essential for a good relationship. The fact that you have tried to leave many times indicates that you really want to get out of this relationship and reading between the lines I would say your girlfriend no longer loves you (sorry I don't mean to hurt you). This relationship is obviously making you very unhappy and you have to break it once and for all. Work and family are no reason to stay it and the family will get over it, I am sure they would rather see you happy than stay with her. I wish you all the luck in the world, but hope, for your sake, you have the courage to end it. x

Answer 5

I would say that it's probably a good idea to take some time away from the relationship. Since the two of you have been dating since you were 15, you've had tons of time to change, and forcing yourself to stay in a relationship that isn't good won't make you happy. Maybe the two of you really are in love, but if that's the case it will be obvious, and will draw you back together, if you break up for a bit. As far as the family and work complications...as difficult as they may make things, I don't think it's worth staying in a relationship for those reasons. Let's put it this way...if the two of you stay together, eventually get married and have kids, will the family and work situation make it worth it, if you have a wife who you can't confide in and be yourself with? Is an unhappy home life worth not ruffling the feathers of others? Good luck with the relationship--I hope you find the truth of your relationship, and ultimately find happiness!

Answer 6

Can,t anyone else talk to your girlfriend? Why don,t you talk to your sister about this situation you are in? If you are worried
about the family why don,t you make a move? You could tell
your girl you are going to look for another job. Only you can
make a life change. Perhaps you should move away and
make a break away from your girl and the family.
Once you are away you will be a free spirit and should be
able to see things clearer. It might make your girlfriend
wake up too. She does not sound like a very supportive
person. If you are stressed your partner is the one that
you can normally turn to. Good Luck.

Answer 7

that is a long time to have been invested in the realtionship.

i think you must be an awesome guy to have stayed with the same girl for so long. (lots of guys don't /won't , is why i say that)

any realtionship is,or should be a give and take. meaning i tell you my problems and you tell me yours. and give/take in all other aspects also.

if now you feel like you have to be the one giving support and taking the brunt of her stress. then you are, giving to the taker, and not getting back what you want/need.
you are statrting to resent her for this, as your question clearly states. and that is not good, justified, but not good.

i am not going to be one of those people on here that tell you you are too good for her, leave her and find someone new. because it may be so, but that's not what you need or want to hear.

maybe you could sit your sister down, and say something like i love your sister in law (girlfriend) but i just don't know how much more of this i can take.
see what her take is on the situation. and hope that blood is thicker than water. meaning she will keep it between the two of you and not discuss it with her husband or his sister.

maybe it's just because you have been together for so long that she figures you would/could never leave her.
and she might need a wake up.

i would hate to give 'advice' and have it turn ugly on you, but she needs to be told how you are feeling, or you WILL end up in a loveless relationship, and it will end badly, if things do not change.

GOOD LUCK, i hope that you can get through to her. and i thank you for not just giving up on your relationship with her, because so many men do, and it's just the easy way out.
however you do need to decide when enough is enough, becasue you really shouldn't put yourself through that, she does seem selfish,

and it's such a shame to have a young, sweet, caring man goto waste on someone who obviously doesn't care as much for him, as he does for her.
(I sorry, just had to throw that in there)

to that MattK whatever ,a few answers up. in a way, he is right. if it's too easy then, there isn't alot of excitement in it. everyone likes to be chased, the thrill usualy ends after you have been caught. (sad, but true)

Answer 8

6 yrs is a long time and it will get worse

i would say forget what ppl say you happiness is more important and leave

it is not healthy to hold things in and in a relationship that is worse you need to be able to talk not only about the good things but the bad things

i would get out asap the longer you think about it the harder it will be to leave
you will find someone who truly cares about your ideas concerns and thoughts

you are 21 and still have a life time it sounds like she was your first love and that is fine but spread your wings and realize this is just not healthy
i am 37 and stayed in a bad marraige for 12 yrs and was alone for 8 before i found my mr right

Answer 9

well, if u cant stand her anymore, u have to say goodbye... besides, the way she talks back to u when u try to resolve this matter shows that she doesnt really appreciates u... another thing is, u should make ur own decision, considering that this gonna change ur whole life... if u r marrying her because of ur family or for work life, then it means that u dont really want her... this is ur life... so make ur own decision... im sure ur family will understand ur decision if u tell them everything that had happened to u... and another thing, it doesnt matter how much u love her, but if being around with her doesnt really make u happy, then its not true love...

Answer 10

If you still love her then you can't leave her. When things get awkward and conversation always turns into arguments it's best to try a new approach. Basic things like going to the cinema or bowling. Go for a holiday together and just get away from the daily grind. Treat her to a Spa break or take her to the Dirty Dancing musical. ....... Doing new things might just give you something else to focus on and give you new things to talk about and look forward to.
Good luck chief!!