I love God, I love my husband, I love my kids, I love my life and I love trying to help people. I know I am not perfect but sometimes I get so irritated with my husband because I want him to be the leader in this family and he is always looking to me to make the decisions and take care of everything, and because I want him to be the leader, I also want him to make most of the decision. I know its wrong to get so mad at him yet I still do it over and over. I feel like such a horrible person for even acting like that. I know Im just a baby christian and its going to take a lot of work to get to where I want to be, but I feel so bad when I get so upset with him. He is the only one I seem to get angry with. do you think that its the devil just trying to pick some way to ruin something in my life? Cause I have no real reason for getting so angry with him sometimes.Let me know what you think and what you would do to change your attitude besides prayer because I already do that so much!
2007-02-08 22:50:58 · 19 answers · asked by justicenow232 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
I understand exactly where you're coming from. I've been there. God didn't deal with him about it, He dealt with me.When I kept losing my temper, and acting ugly, God showed me that things would not change, until I started reacting differently toward my husband. I mean, I would get angry,lose my peace, and feel so bad because I was acting so 'unchristian'.I had to fast and pray, alot! I soon realized that we will always get the test to react differently toward those who bug us. We may have to take that same test over and over again until we get it right.(without murmuring or complaining) The good thing is that we never get kicked out of God's school(kinda), we just get to take the test over and over.When my response to my husband was different,it gave me the peace to know that God was dealing with him and I HAD to leave him in God's hands.As I was changing, God took care of the rest!
2007-02-09 01:06:10 · answer #1 · answered by jomi 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Justice ... Hmmm ... I'm sure there are several ways to approach this and this may be the reason why you seem "stumped" about what to do, at the moment.
You said you're Christian ... and maybe your husband is too? If you go to church or know a favorite preacher, how about you and your husband making an appointment with him to have a chat about this. If you don't dare to ask your husband or if he won't go for some reason, go alone and ask for some help about this.
I suggest this approach because you've already told us your relationship's foundation is solid; no, you didn't use those words, but a solid love and sense of devotion came through loudly and clearly. Have I misunderstood?
Like with myself, I got the impression that if you sat down with your husband to talk about this, any such discussion of this type might easily escalate to a disagreement or possibly an argument. I hope not.
In fact, as I scanned your question again, although it's your husband who doesn't lead as much as you'd like, you also seem to blame yourself quite a bit for not having enough patience regarding this. Am I correct?
If this is the case, then be sure to not feel too disappointed if your husband won't discuss this with you or he won't visit a preacher of your mutual choosing. Although I feel that both of you going would be better, maybe you shouldn't hesitate to go alone.
If I may say so, I'm praying it all works out for you and your family. Thanks for the question and all the best to you, Justice. Take care.
2007-02-09 07:06:59 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Difficult question to answer for someone outside the situation...
You didn't mention what your husband's attitude was. Does he not make decisions because he's lazy? Because he's indifferent and doesn't care? Or, is it just an area of his life that he's not very good at? His attitude about the situation has a big impact on your situation.
That being said, getting angry with him probably isn't the answer (as you seem to recognize). If being indecisive is part of his nature, that isn't something that will easily change...it takes great effort to change habits/traits that come naturally to us. With all due respect, it certainly won't change because someone is getting angry with him over it. We all place expectations on others. Sometimes that is warranted, other times it's not. I would suggest that you lower your expectations of him (to react the way you'd like him to), and then look for ways to cultivate his decision-making. Look for him to make decisions on some of the things you would like him to take hold of, and try to gently encourage the process (if your "encouragement" comes across too strong, it ends up sounding more like "nagging"). I know that's easier said then done. It calls for a lot of patience on your part...and that's what you should pray for!
As someone who has been accused of being indecisive at times, I will also offer my own perspective/experience. I am not afraid to make decisions...big decisions. When confronted with a big decision I like to weigh all the pros and cons of the situation first. My lack of a snap decision isn't fear or indecisiveness...rather, its my process of sorting through all the possible outcomes. Now when it comes to some small decisions (like `where should we go out for dinner') I may not offer an opinion because I really don't care! (that is, I don't have a preference).
God bless...
2007-02-09 07:22:15 · answer #3 · answered by Seven 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Not all men have Type A personalities. In quite of few marriages it is the wife who is the Type A, and this is okay. Paul says that we are to get along with all people, if possible, and to live with them peacefully. Peace in the home is the primary concern because without peace nothing will get done. It is important that the children not be exposed to their mother and father fighting---it can set a wrong presidence. Come into agreemnent with your husband on decision making. If he prefers that you make the decisions, then do so---the two of you are in agreement. The Bible says: how can two people walk together unless they are in agreement? In any relationship it is vital that all parties be in complete agreement as they walk together. If you have your husband's permission to make the major decisions in the family, then the two of you walk in agreement and there will be no reason for the two of you to fight over them. Just be sure that he understands that he will have no complaints about whatever you decide because he has already agreed in advance to let you be the authorityin the family. Do not take this issue outside the family, such as complaining to friends about your husband's lack of leadership---this is disrespectful to him. Understand that not all men are born to lead and some men will advoid confrontation at all cost---it has to do with their upbringing. If you have male children see to it that they are brought up to assume decision-making roles.
2007-02-09 07:06:20 · answer #4 · answered by Preacher 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Sorry your giving prayer such a short shrift and making a huge mistake.
So the first order of business is to get a better understanding of the power of prayer. That is unless your prayer is right all the action in the world is going to flop.
Second order of business: Read the book, "The Power of a Praying Wife" (Hint it is not her)
Third order of business: Realize you are not the first wife to have this difficulty ( my husband and I still struggle with it sometimes and believe or not my primary and most rewarding resource is prayer)
so what you need to do is learn what to do with yourself until he is ready to take the helm. It may mean that you do the leading. It may mean that horror of horrors you take care of your stuff and let God teach your man to lead.
Fourth order of business: Find an older lady in your church to mentor you, find a Stephen minister (again a female), talk to your church counselor.
Fifth order of business: This is not going to change, that is you are not going to pray him into changing, but you will need to change.
Fifth order of business: (or is it really the first?) Give God all the praise for the work He is doing through this.
2007-02-09 07:03:26 · answer #5 · answered by thankyou "iana" 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There seems to be more than meets the eye here. Are the decisions you are getting upset about things of the Spirit or things of the world, like finances, relationships, etc.? Your husband needs to grow and mature Spiritually as you do, before he can truly lead your household in a Godly manner and become the Spiritual leader that God has called him to be, this takes time so be patient about the matter. Rather than get angery, introduce Bible study, family devotion and prayer, and the likes into your home. Ask him to lead it. Share the responsibility. You find a book of family devotion, set a time and evening you want to do this, ask him gently would he be willing to teach it to your family. Also, he may benefit from a strong Godly brother as a mentor in his life, participating in men's activities through your church or a Christian organization. You should, as a wife, encourage him in these matters not force them on him or lose your temper if he refuses, be consistent as well as uplifting...remember, we hate doing what we are told we "have to do", like children. If you so want this, then you will also need to grow. Try and understand, that as Christians, your lives are different and it isn't all about "YOU" anymore. It is primarily about God and what we do according to His will and for the good of His Kingdom. You can benefit from a mentor as well, an older Godly woman or women in your church who have been Christians for awhile. You both should hold each other accountable to the Word as well as have personally accountability partners in your lives you can trust and count on to help you stay in line with God's will. Work on your anger, I think you will later learn that you need to be more humble and serving as not just a wife but as a Christian...to your husband and to others. It can lead to stress if we are doing things to be noticed or because we "have to" rather than simply because we love God and want to emulate His character through everyday living. Don't take your aggression out on those you love and want to help, try to enjoy the Joy of the Holy Spirit. God's peace to you.
2007-02-09 07:39:31 · answer #6 · answered by Huskydad 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First, if you want him to be leader, you cease to be the leader. It is your thinking making it so. Don't think you are being a leader by doing all the stuffs, just accept the truth that you are taking more responsibilities and giving more service for the benefit of family. Male of every spices always work less than female and therefore, it is natural, but at the time of need he is always there to prove that he is there. Again don't be misleaded. Don't think he is the boss, actually we must regard ourselves equal in status irrespective of initiatives and works.
2007-02-09 08:20:03 · answer #7 · answered by Tashi 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Try to talk to him about your feelings. Not nagging way but the way he knows what you mean. Prayer is a wonderful thing, however, everything happens in His time line.
Communication is so important. You do not want to give your husband a message that he does not measure up. Work on your anger because it will kill you if you let it grow without nipping it in the butt when it starts. Ask God take the lead. : )
2007-02-09 07:16:24 · answer #8 · answered by SeeTheLight 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
So here's the big question you didn't answer, is your husband saved?
If so, he needs some lessons on how to be a Biblical man. If not, he needs to get saved. Nothing else is going to help him.
So many men nowadays have been so trampled upon by the feminist movement that they are afraid to step up the plate and take charge like they are supposed to.
For you I would recommend the Power of a Praying Wife,
for him I would recommend Wild at Heart
and for BOTH of you I would recommend Love & Respect.
The every *man/woman/etc.* Battle series is good too.
The book Love & Respect truly changed my marriage for the better. I highly recommend it.
Yelling and getting mad at your husband is NOT going to solve the problem, in fact it makes it worse. Please, please, read the book Love & Respect. Send me an email if you want to discuss this more.
Are you in a good Bible-centered church? Does he have positive godly men as role models, is he involved in a Men's only study group? These would all be good things for him to get involved in.
AcK! It is NATURAL for a woman to want the husband to be the head of the household. Every household should have a head and heart. Both are important, both are needed, both serve different functions. You can't have two heads and no heart, and you can't have two hearts and no head.
God bless you.
2007-02-09 06:54:56 · answer #9 · answered by Last Ent Wife (RCIA) 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Stay grounded in prayer. It sounds like you and your husband need to talk about a few things. If the two of you can't work it out, get help from your pastor or a counselor. The important thing is to get it worked out so that things can progress and the two of you can grow closer.
God bless.
Holy Mother, pray for us.
2007-02-09 09:59:53 · answer #10 · answered by Danny H 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋