What do i do?

Question

my boyfriend is wonderfully great :) but i think he doesn't trust me around his mates, whenever he says goodbye to them, he always says i'm going with him...but his mates are my mates and i want to be around them. what to do?

Answer 1

talk to him about it, he may just want you to leave with him so the two of you can be alone.

if he is jealous then you need to talk this through and find out why

Answer 2

Is trust, or the lack of it, affecting your relationship? Because your partner has been "burned" in a previous relationship, is he or she now finding it difficult to trust you? Has infidelity in your relationship made it hard for you and your partner to trust each other? If so, you are not alone..

When couples are asked to describe a situation that causes distress in their relationship, the topic of trust frequently arises. They lament, "I can't trust him with the checkbook," "She never gets home when she says she will," or "He's always saying, 'trust me, I'll get it done,' but he never does." Another typical comment is, "I don't trust her around other men. She's always flirting." These comments indicate the presence of a low level of trust within the relationship.

Although trust between partners clearly leads to feelings of safety and connectedness, many couples don't know how to develop or maintain a trusting relationship. They expect trust to be automatically granted as a part of the commitment. They feel they deserve to be trusted without putting forth effort to foster that trust. They have come to believe that once trust is lost, it can never be regained.

What these couples don't realize is that with the right ingredients, trust can be built, strengthened, and maintained regardless of the past. Mutual love and respect can be intentionally and purposefully increased.

Consider the following five ingredients as you look to develop or rebuild trust in your relationship:

Ingredient #1 -- Say what you are going to do. Communicating your intentions to your partner eliminates the guesswork that often leads to false assumptions and misunderstandings. Tell your partner what you are planning to accomplish and how you would like to include him or her in your plan.

Ingredient #2 -- Do what you say. The more your actions match your words, the more trust others have in you. Trust develops when a person's words are congruent with his or her actions. When you say clearly what you are going to do and then do it, trust grows and strengthens.

Ingredient #3 -- Live in the present. When you keep track of how often a behavior has occurred and make a point of reminding your partner of it, you drag the past into the present. This is called mental scorekeeping. The weight of numerous incidents creates strain that prevents you from addressing the current situation effectively. Scorekeeping builds stress, magnifies the situation, and interferes with the process of communicating clearly and directly about the present incident.

Ingredient #4 -- Look at yourself first. Before pointing a finger at your partner, consider your own behavior. Is there something you might be doing that demonstrates you are not trustworthy? Explore the possibility that you are choosing a behavior that gives your partner the impression that you cannot be fully trusted. Bring that behavior into the open, and talk about it with your partner.

Ingredient #5 -- Time, time, and more time. Time plays a major role in the development and strengthening of trust. Don't expect an overnight change of attitude from either yourself or your partner. The more opportunities you have to demonstrate how your words and actions flow together, the stronger trust will become. That takes time. Look for as many opportunities as possible to match your words with your behavior, and be mindful of your partner's attempts to do the same.

If you feel your relationship is lacking trust, make an investment. Invest in building, strengthening, and maintaining your relationship by mixing the five ingredients together, putting them into practice, and supporting each other in your efforts. The result will be a relationship of mutual respect and connectedness built on a foundation of trust.

Answer 3

You should let him know that you love him so he would feel better because i'm sure that he is sad about the situation because hi knows his friends better than you and he knows the way they are.I'm sure that he loves you because getting jealous is a way to let you know that he really loves you and both of you have to fix this problem.The only relation that you need with his mates is Hello and bye.Talk to him is the better think for both of you.

Answer 4

come on chocychip don't be naive.OK so his mates are your mates but if he leaves you alone with them don't you think that the tempo might just shift a little? Why do you want to be alone with them anyway. Just what are you hoping for? I think maybe you want a slice of cake on the side but you also want to eat it.

Answer 5

there is a trust issue there and thats not good

i have friends and my love has friends i have gone with his friends to run errands or something

i even have guy friends from yrs ago from school

we trust each other to be around ppl of the opposite sex and that is healthy
i would talk to him and tell him
you may also think about leaving him it may get worse the longer you stay with him

Answer 6

My years of being a jealous person ended when I realized why I was jealous... because he believes that YOU might do what HE would do if he were in the situation. ie: if one of your friends threw herself at him, and you weren't around, he'd go for it.

Once he starts trusting himself he'll stop being jealous... but it takes a long time for a lot of people to get there.

Answer 7

This poor guy must have been really hurt in the past.
Keep his friends at a bit of a distance until you have and him have built up some foundations and trust.
Hope it all works out okay for you both.

Answer 8

Sounds like he is jealous try sitting down and talking this over with him

Answer 9

just dont mate with his mates

Answer 10

If you want to keep your boyfriend, just go along with him. He is just being territorial. Find you some girlfriends to hang with. Not guys.