do adult children of dysfuncational parents normally have disappointing life?

Question

i know a very dysfunctional family, the parents are abusive towards all the four kids, now all of them are in 30's, 2 of the girls are single moms without jobs, they both divorced abusive husbands, out of the 2 boys, one is alcoholic and another one is suffering from cancer and miserable marriage, do you think its just coincident or its the result of their dysfunctional upbring?

Answer 1

It's not a coincidence when an abused child becomes an abusive parent...and the parent of abused grandchildren. Thank goodness that's not me or my family, but I've seen it more than enough.

However, with all due respect to others' answers it isn't absolutely necessary to have professional (psychotherapists) or amateur (12-step) assistance to overcome a dysfunctional family. A dysfunctional family, by the way, is simply the antithesis of a functional family, which is one that does what it is supposed to. A family is supposed to provide satisfaction and comfort for a couple, the same for a children as well as a place and environment for said children to mature into adults who are properly socialized and emotionally and intellectually prepared to leave. A dysfunctional family causes harm, leaves children unprepared and in general harms the people it was created to care for.

Some people overcome their families through simple determination and will. Some gain outside assistance. Regardless, I think it's important for us to use education to reduce the number of dysfunctional families created every day.

Answer 2

In my opinion,Yes, unless helped by working on the issues, possiably with-in a 12 step program( Children of alcoholics and dysfunctional families), professional help is needed. A person can decide to continue to carry on the way they are or make a choice to seek out help, in doing this they do not have to carry on from generation to generation the patterns of their dysfunctions, it is not an easy task, however it can be rewarding by working out the issues . You can not have a healthy relationship if you never learned how from the people who are suppose to take care of you as a child. The parents of the grown kids, had parents also and may have also had dysfunctional patterns. When life becomes to hard to cope with, or live in a situation of abuse, usually if not helped the person/s will continue the same pattern, making the same choices even in choosing a partner, after they have left the abusive partner. Somehow patterns continue, not thinking your a good enough person, continue to make same choices , pick a partner that ends up being the abuser, over and over. The children while growing up will only know what they hear and how they are treated,you cannot expect a child to know how to change their lives, but I can tell you, as time passes the child does not feel like they fit in anywhere, are depressed, question their decisions, are not with good self imagine or esteem often have emotional problems, and much more! We can not change the person, in helping to change them ,you can become hurt and angry because they are not doing what you suggest, giving your own time and losing yourself in the process. Being supportive without being sucked into a pattern of your own. Have you heard people say" Look what I have done for them and become upset because all you can do now is say, I have no more enery, nothing left for myself, you then need to seek help''. It is a sad display living in fear or abuse. Many have worked on changing their life patterns, accomplishing that goal,in doing this they have the oppourtunity to treat their children differently. Well enough said. Hope this can help. I am tired so do hope this make sense. Good Luck

Answer 3

I think that is the case most of the time, but there are the rare exceptions. My parents divorced when I was 7 and my mother was an alcoholic. I suffered from severe depression as a teenager (and still do). I also made some very stupid mistakes as well.

However, I was able to graduate from college twice (the second time with a MBA) and get married.

To get to this point, it has required lots of counseling and medication. So it is possible to overcome it, though it is a long road.

Answer 4

It is my thoughts that the dysfunctional family life has contributed to some of these issues. And set them up for failure. However, it is not impossible to grow up in such a family and overcome the issues of the family. With some counseling and first this would take the acknowledgment that their were/are some issues. God bless****

Answer 5

There is NO SUCH thing as a dysfuncational family. All it boils down to is parents who do not care about their children, and could care less if they grow up responsible and mature. Look at who the children had for role models if you want to know why they turned out the way they did. Parents like that should not be allowed to have children.

Answer 6

no its not

i was a product of a mom who was born in the 20's and a dad in the 20's
it was very strict and i was beat for the most stupidest things

i grew up not knowing my dad and i never spoke to my mom after i moved out

i have children now and i broke the chain
i remember when my son was younger i promised myself i would not make him feel like i felt being beat for stupid things

there have been a few times i have crossed the line but never went so far as to beat him
you can break the chain if you know how to and you realize its there

Answer 7

The Rapture was made up by a bloke during the Salem witch trials and isn't in the Bible. It's just a doomsday cult of Christianity

Answer 8

Fortunately, I think this is not a rule. Of course, being a child of disfunctional parents is a bad emotional baggage, but you can get over it.

Answer 9

Some do but, not all. A lot depends on their willingness to realize and change their own problems and situations.

Answer 10

My doctor's all say that there is absolutely nothing to that!