Dating a guy with Kids...?

Question

A friend of mine is asking me for some advice but I'm putting this one to the group...

She's dating a guy who has kids, she manages to see him most evenings and before work if he stays over. From what she says they have different days off and he goes to see his children on a Sunday so doesn't see him then apart from the morning before he leaves and late evening. From what I understand unless arranged way in advance it seems to be a relationship that takes place just in the evenings.

I think the guy is taking the mick myself as she's quite down as they hardly spend time together in the day and she's asking me if she should spread her wings and move on. I can undstand the situation as you'd not want to say "me or the kids" but I'm not sure what to say either.

I'd prefer not to be the one to say do it as I don't want to cause upset.

So, what do you think? I'll print off the replies and show her...

Answer 1

At least she knows he's a good father. What does that say about his character.

Answer 2

I think she should end it he deserves better then her. Then she would be free to get into a relationship with a drunk or a druggie.
Then she would be really be living in the fast lain. Maybe you friend is a dumb or just blind. People that have jobs and kids can't be wet nursing a woman 24 hours a day. A job will take a min of 9 hours a day and we sleep 8 hours a day and when you have children that also tke time. Her problem is a common one, me, me, me. Maybe she should grow up then give him a call. He is not a 12 year old this is a man with children. He is responsible from working and providing from his kids and he has no time but in the evenings. So he is giving all he can give and she wants more. That sure makes a statement about her does it not.

Answer 3

It's hard (if not impossible) to find a guy who has no 'baggage' when you reach a certain age. This fella, although he is not with the kids mum is taking his responsibility as a parent as he should 'very seriously!' No woman can contest this -

I am a single mum and my little girl sees her dad at the weekend too - he works during the week and obviously she is in school. If he has a partner, he does not let her know and he works his private life around our girl -

If you as the partner can cope for some time being with this guy when 'he can' you will pose more of 'stayer' and therefor he will let you into his life more - meet kids etc. He is not going to let his kids meet every girl he is with -- only those he thinks may be around for a while

If you start chatting crap like me or the kids he will kick you to the kerb immediately.

Keep your own social life going hunni and savour your time with him when you see him - don't put pressure on him.

But if this is not what you want - leave!

Good luck love whatever you choose!

Answer 4

I have 3 kids, I split from their dad 7 years ago, they spend every weekend with their dad (fri-sun), he has got into a serious relationship with a women. When he first met her he used to see her during the week and Sunday eves when the kids came home, but he introduced her to the kids and now they all get on brill together, they spend time as a family doing stuff that families do on weekends, the kids like her loads and know that she isn't their mum, she never tries to be. If he ever wants a weekend off so they can spend time together, (which is very rare) then I have the kids for that weekend. I have met her and I also get on with her, she is good with my kids and that is OK with me. It works really well.

Answer 5

This is a dead end. She is spending evenings with a guy who is barely available otherwise. That's prime opportunity for spending time with another man who is much more available.
Unless evenings with a father is all she ever expects to get, she should move on. Becoming a stepmother is not a cakewalk either.

This is a somewhat desperate relationship (before work if he stays over). I think that her sacrifice is excessive for the little possibility that it will ever work out as she would hope it would.

He's a devoted father, which is fine, and if she wants to give him her time, that's OK with him on his terms. Evidently no suggestions that it might change any time soon have come from him.

Answer 6

I say life's to short and she is already showing signs with not feeling content, the only way to fix it is change shifts or move in together but how long has she been seeing him?
If they both have to go to work well theres no way around that as she cant go to work with him (that would be a bit much).

I say if not happy move on don't devote years for something that's not making you happy.

Answer 7

now i can answer this with the wisdom of experience!! like you say obviously she cant or shouldnt say me or the kids, cos if he is a decent chap he would pick his kids, but what i would say to her is... .. . it does not get any better! my situation is very similar and i feel like its a nighttime only relationship, but we have a 2 year old together but things havent really changed and it causes arguements between us. what she should do is ask if he would be prepared to take her and kids out together for the day once a week and if he isnt prepared to do that then the advice i would give her is to leave him and get either someone without kids or someone that will share time with her and them together. it really doesnt get better, sorry.

Answer 8

Im sure when she met him she knew he had kids and if she cant deal with him spending time with his kids she is very selfish and should carry on Im more than sure he loves his kids more than her and rightfully so if she does stay than she needs to have a conversation about meeting them and they could all do something togeather during the day. Give him time kids can be funny about daddy with another women or maybe he doesnt want his kids involved in his relationship. She needs to understand his kids should come first. Good luck

Answer 9

I'd say she should move on.

#1 - She deserves a guy with no past attachments. I mean, if she were to marry this guy down the road, the children he had previously would most likely affect all of their decisions (like having her own kids, etc). It's better for both people to be 100% unattached.

#2 - He shouldn't be dating anyways. He's already left his children's lives enough by not being there each day with them. He should be devoting all his free time to his kids, not dividing it between them and a new woman. What guy only sees his kids on Sunday? I wouldn't want anything to do with a man like that, as he obviously doesn't take his responsibilities seriously enough.

Answer 10

When you're committed to someone, you must also get to know those who are close and important in his life such as his family and friends. Your friend should ask her guy to let her also spend a day with him and his kids every so often in order for her to get to know them (the kids) and vise versa. Also, as a way for her to spend more time with him.

As a guy, I can tell you I'll never choose a woman over my kids. My kids are permanent parts of my life and if a woman truly loves me, she'll learn to love and accept my kids as well. I, in return, will also love and accept her kids.

Answer 11

Has she met the kids?

Sounds to me like a stand-up divorced Dad. If she can't hack that, well, "me or the kids" will be decided in the favor of the kids, every single time. Don't even bother asking.