My friend is trying to set me up with one of her guy friends. I said I'd be willing to get to know him, but only as friends for now and that I don't want to rush into anything. So we made plans to all go out as a group this weekend. Well the other night, I talked to him on the phone for the first time. I could just tell our personalities do not click and I've lost all interest in meeting him and now he's calling me and emailing me constantly. I've already come up with an excuse to cancel our plans for the weekend, but what am I supposed to do now? I'm annoyed that even after explaining that I'm just wanting to be friends, he still calls me almost every night. Isn't that a little pushy? Anyways, is it best to tell my matchmaker friend that I'm no longer interested or should I make up an excuse like I've met someone else? Or should I explain it to him directly eventhough we've only spoken once?
2007-02-08 21:20:54 · 12 answers · asked by Ms. M 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Tell your friend you don't click, and hes being pushy which is making you uncomfortable so you are not interested in an any type of relationship. Then tell him directly also, but just be nice about it - You don't really know him so you can e-mail him, and say your sorry, but you really aren't interested in pursuing any type of contact with him, and that you wish him well or something. If you keep making up excuses its gonna backfire, and you are gonna end up looking bad for lying.
2007-02-08 21:25:59 · answer #1 · answered by VL 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you started out on the right track, then veered. You have already stated that you only want to be friends and not rush into anything. He has taken advantage of the situation and tried to pressure you and you are trying to be polite. You have nothing to explain, as you have not committed yourself to anything. Yes, he is more than a little pushy. When he calls, tell him you are busy. If he persists, Yes, enlist the help of your friend to explain that you are not interested in a relationship - then avoid matchmaking like the plague.
2007-02-09 05:28:23 · answer #2 · answered by diastat_nation 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you have only spoken once, I think you are rushing your decision.
He was probably really nervous on the phone, and is looking back on some of the things he said cringing.
Don't be so quick to make up your mind, give him a chance, go meet him you never know you might not have a lover out of it but what about a new good mate !!!!!
2007-02-09 05:25:53 · answer #3 · answered by bambam 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best thing for you do is be honest with your friend and this guy, tell them both how you feel and more importantly why you feel that way. If the guy continues to call and email you, you may have consider changing both your email address and phone number if he does not get the message.
2007-02-09 05:25:35 · answer #4 · answered by Glenn M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell your matchmaker friend n te guy at te same time tat u only interested to get to know more friends at tis moment n not ready for any reletionship as yet. At te same time, try to keep a 'long' distance from tis guy. Good Luck!
2007-02-09 05:27:08 · answer #5 · answered by Joy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh don't you just hate that type of person who never gets the message. Don't reply his emails , don't answer when he calls
Tell your matchmaker friend that you are not interested and let her/him pass on the message.
2007-02-09 05:26:42 · answer #6 · answered by s 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell your friend that you dont have an interest in this meeting anymore and if they a true pal they respect it. Dont go ahead with it, the gut feeling is important. Besides, this guy sounds like he will be possessive.
2007-02-09 05:24:39 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Stop sending mixed signals.
Be a real woman.
Be gentle.
And use your MOUTH to explain how you got into this predicament and draw your boundaries better next time.
You consistently avoid the obvious action because you are fearful of making people feel uncomfortable.
Life is not about comfort -- it is about challenge and change.
2007-02-09 05:43:31 · answer #8 · answered by DaMan 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This all sounds terribly familiar. One of my friends has twice tried setting me up with guys she thinks are attractive, completely ignoring the fact that we have different standards of attractiveness and that I place quite a lot of importance on intelligence, and I've had to get myself out of it both times. The trouble with turning down someone your friends want to set you up with, is that you always feel you're somehow letting your friend down; just be glad that she asked your permission before having the guy contact you, I wasn't so lucky.
The first time, I'm afraid I handled it badly. I was going through an emotionally difficult time, and felt constantly like I was choking under the pressure of what everyone else expected of me, and one day I just wrote the guy a letter wherein I basically ripped him a new one. I was a total ***** to him, mostly because he got on my nerves by constantly calling me his girlfriend, and he had been rude to one of my other friends. I called him on that, and he emailed her and accused her of "f*cking up a good relationship." Needless to say that when I asked him to leave her alone it turned even uglier.
I call this way: "How many people will get their feelings hurt before this is over". I don't recommend you try it.
The second time was a bit easier; I took the blunt approach and ran the guy through my "checklist" the first time he emailed me. I asked if he smoked, drank, or did any sort of recreational drugs (all dealbreakers for me), and told him that I really liked it when people took the time to spell out their words, even in email (he'd used a lot of netspeak...ugh). I knew we weren't going to click when he wrote back and told me -with a lot of "lols"- that I needed to chill and not ask him such heavy questions up front, and that he didn't see any need to spell things out or "use any of them big words". He didn't contact me for awhile after that, and just as I felt confident that it was over, he finally got around to writing back. He kept pushing for a meeting, and I kept putting him off (using up every trick in my "weird chick" bag in the process). It took awhile, but he finally got the hint after I got fed up with repeating myself and stopped replying.
I call this way: "Dear Lord, how hard do I have to bludgeon you with the fact that I'm NOT INTERESTED?!" I think this one's acceptable if you have a guy who just refuses to take the hint, or listen to the blunt truth.
In the future, you might suggest to your friend not to try setting you up anymore. I finally did that, as gently as possible since her heart was in the right place (getting married and didn't want me to be lonely), and she's backed off.
2007-02-09 05:51:01 · answer #9 · answered by JL 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him directly than tell your friend you were not interested in him If he still calls block his calls and ignore his e-mails GOODLUCK
2007-02-09 05:27:48 · answer #10 · answered by sweetpea 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋