Do you have children who actually obey?

Question

If so, how did you manage that? I would really like to know your secret. Serious answers only, please.

My kids are 10, 13, and 15. They are just plain disrespectful, disobedient and snotty. They used to be such good kids. Did I do something wrong? How can I reconsruct their behavior? Taking things away doesn't work, they just say that I hate them, then are soon just as bad. I can't ground them because they simply won't just stay and I can't beat them by law, so what can I do?

Answer 1

Do you think you can really make someone obey you?It may sound scary for you butr the only person whose behavior you can change is yourself.When you change your behavior - children change their respectively.Just to mention - it would be sad if they really obeyed you because that would mean they don't have enough self confidence to follow their way to live - to really live their life.
I recommend you that book,it will teach you a lot of parenting skills which really work(personal experience) - "Positive Discipline for Teenagers" by Jane Nelsen.Try it - it will change the relationship with your children.

Answer 2

I had six children... 3 were rebellious and 3 were more submissive in personality... 1 child of the six.. and the oldest boy was the best with being obedient and has been a really good son!
He is now 25 and married with a child of his own, a 1 year old little redheaded. hot headed boy! He is a handful and adorable! They are now teaching him sign language to help him communicate his needs so he doesn't scream anymore! I have two girls *(teenagers) left at home and they are the most unruly disobedient of all.. but the first four children were raised with a good father... then he died when the two little girls were small and now even though I have since re-married, it is like I am still a single parent... and they do not show any respect or obedience!
They even show some resentment towards my husband now... I guess I don't have any good advice for you... sorry!

Answer 3

For the most part yes, or at least I did - they're grown with their own children now.
Think about yourself and the people you know who you would be most likely to do what they say. What is it about them that would make you want to obey them? It's probably because you like them, you trust them, and you know where you stand with them. It's the same thing with kids.
You have to start by creating a good relationship with them. Build them up but communicate on their level. In other words, don't flagellate them for what they don't know, but get down in the dirt with them and work their issues out together on their intellectual level. Be consistent. Explain why certain behavior is unacceptable and that there will be consequences for that behavior, then follow through. Say what you mean and mean what you say, to use the wise words of a friend of mine.
Mostly, I think, if they know you love them (and you have to show it - not just say it) they will be a lot more obedient than not. But remember, no one is obedient all the time. When it happens, don't personalize their behavior to them - they're not bad, their behavior is bad, correct it and let it go. Don't keep throwing back at them. It's a tough business, good luck.

Answer 4

Hey. I'm a kid, not a parent, but who better to ask, right? I don't know how old your kids are, but I would advise building a strong relationship with them right now. Let them know they can trust you, that you're not going to judge them or lecture them if they say they have a crush on someone. Discussions are good, lectures not so much. Let you child get a word in edgewise, make sure you hear their side of the story. A lot of parents, mine included, have made certain topics almost forbidden. I don't tell them about guys that I like or serious things going on in my life because they would only lecture me. Let your kids know that you really do want to be friends with them and have a relationship outside of the parent-child relationship. Be interested in their lives, encourage them even when they've done badly, gentle criticism is all that's needed.

One more thing, teach your kids to be respectful of their elders, people in authority over them, and their peers. Let your sons know that being disrespectful to women isn't right. Make sure your daughters understand that treating boys like objects is wrong.

And I think that's about all I've got for you. Good luck!

Answer 5

They might be picking up some of this attitude from music or videos or friends at school. There is a lot of trash out there now that preys on kids and pollutes their minds.

Go on strike. Tell them if they can't be respectful they can cook their own food, wash their own clothes. Don't give in. You didn't mention a father to the kids. If there isn't one, consider calling big brothers and big sisters for help.

They don't seem to fear that you will do anything so I suspect you weren't tough on them when they were younger. Now they feel like they outnumber you and you don't have any power over them. My grandma took a broom to my uncle when he was 15 because he mouthed off to her. It didn't leave any bruises but he got the point. You might try a rolled up newspaper. I know that today there would be some "do good" lawyer or social services worker looking to take your kids away for that, but kids need to know you are in control.

If you are not comfortable leaving them go without supper, fix them peanut butter sandwiches and go out to supper by yourself. Tell them you have earned it and they haven't!

Turn off the electricity and let them sit in the dark.
Be imaginative.
Best of luck with this or you could have kids heading for prison

Answer 6

Yes, I have children that actually obey. I was a divorced mother of 3, 1 girl and 2 boys.
I managed their behavior by starting at a very early, by establishing a daily routine, as they grew a little older, I let them know exactly what my expectations and rules would, and was very consistant about this on a daily basis.
They told me I sounded like a broken record,LOL, but they grew up to been hard working citizens, and thanked me for my structured environment.

Answer 7

Yes. My husband and I were of one mind and goal when it came to parenting, so that's what was best. It's important to be totally consistent - and I think that's where some parents mess up. It's hard work, raising children right - and making sure that every time you correct their behaviour. We believe in consequences for behaviours, both good and bad. Not punishment, but discipline, and usually positive reinforcement works the best. Children do best with structure, so make sure this is present in the home, so they know clear expectations of them.
Good luck. Work hard, and it's never to late to get them back on track. Tough times on your side now will mean your family will run smoother soon.

Answer 8

My kids go through stages where they try and test their boundaries. They are really good kids most of the time, but once in awhile it's challenging. I notice they tend to test me more when they feel they need more attention(whether they know it or not). I notice when I spend more time talking to them and doing things with them there is less disobedient behavior. Take them aside individually and talk to them calmly, yet firmly. Tell them how much you love them and also how bothered you are by their behavior and make it clear that you expect it to change. Most importantly, you must follow through with consequences. Tell them the expectation and if they don't follow it, you have to enforce the consequences. Let them know you're serious. If you respect them, they will most likely respect you. Good luck!

Answer 9

It's never too late to lay down the law - explain to them what behaviors will not be tolerated - don't just say no talking back, be more detailed, for example when you are told to do something you say o.k. mom and do it. Also, try to say yes as much as you can. As parents some times we get in a rut of saying no to everything - try to give them yes's as much as possible. As punishment - do whatever it takes to show that you mean business - take T.V.'s out of bedrooms, no car/transportation, etc. You are the parent, you run your house - not the kids.

Answer 10

Oh man...I wish! My daughter is almost 2 and is constantly into some sort of mischief. My son is going to be four soon and is a lot better behaved. We set down expectations and there are consequenses for not meeting them, or for being "naughty". It is important to be consistent. My mom got after me for making threats and not carrying them out and after that I found that my son's behavior was a lot better. Also, we are a religious family and have taught our son that Jesus is happy when you..... and Jesus is sad when..... It has really helped too. And has produced some funny situations. Like when he informed his daddy that he pees standing up because it makes the devil sad. Hang in there!