My boyfriend and I have been together for over 10 months. We are both very serious about this relationship and willing to try anything to make it work. But things did not go as hoped at all. We have been constantly fighting over the past 10 months. Recently, we finally agreed on a separation until we see a therapist. We are both very strong headed, talkative people, but we never communicate. He thinks I have emotional problem, careless of his feelings, and selfish. I think he is full of resentment and always assume the worst of me. I am afraid we are different in core values and family expectation. I am a very dependent, time and attention demanding person. When my demands are not met, l feel abandoned and mad. He thinks I am unreasonable, and never get enough . We have tried to talk so many times, but never worked. All we did was yelling on the phone to each other like crazy. None of us can let each other go, nor fixing the problems. Life is painful.
2007-02-08 17:43:17 · 12 answers · asked by The confused one 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
The purpose of dating is to find someone who adds to your life, supports you and potentially marries and starts a family with you. If you two are needing therapy at 10 months I would say that you should end it this minute. From what I have read about you, it sounds like you need to sort some things out within yourself before you get involved in a serious relationship. If you don't, you will have the same problems with every relationship here on out. Life can be painful when you try to hold on to things that you shouldn't. Everything in life is a lesson and there is no way that you will be able to be a loving supportive partner to anyone when you have so many unresolved issues of your own. Take some time to figure yourself out, see a therapist...a good one. When you are healthy maybe you can try this relationship again? Good luck and I am sorry you are having such a tough time, no doubt your own parents didn't pay enough attention to you?
2007-02-08 17:47:18 · answer #1 · answered by katiebug 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have to say - it doesn't matter how much you love someone or how much they love you - sometimes love just isn't enough. This relationship doesn't sound healthy at all and my advice would be to try the therapy thing and if that doesn't work - call it quits. It will be painfull yes, but you'd both be better off.
Regardless of what I said above, I have to say this: if two people cannot respect each other, all is lost. I am a strong-willed, pig-headed person myself... but the very first time that I matter to myself more than my husband does - it will be over. We have been together for 8 years and not one fight. We do argue, but NEVER shout, NEVER scream, NEVER swear, NEVER walk out on each other and NEVER EVER go to bed angry. Doesn't matter how much I think I am right, he matters more to me than my need to be right. So the moment you loose enough respect for the one you love to be able to swear, shout etc... I don't think there's much hope left.
2007-02-08 17:55:59 · answer #2 · answered by Aneska G 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are 2 possibilities here. The right one you're going to have to feel with your heart. One, you guys are going through the "getting to know each other and finding out what pisses the other off stage, but with some adjusting and understanding can make it and flourish" -or- you really don't belong together but you're too scared to walk away, even when things are bad, because you've grown attached and used to having him around. If it's the second possibility, I'm warning you things will get a lot worse in the next year.I recommend taking a whole day to yourself and just contemplating the relationship, the problems, the feelings involved, and then just be true to yourself. Good luck!
2007-02-08 17:53:14 · answer #3 · answered by Freaked out 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes the best thing for you guys is to let the one you love go.
I know it hurts but if you 2 are just not on the same level at all you 2 will butt heads all the time. I applaud you 2 for being strong and trying to get help, and maybe the counceling will work. If you 2 love eachother and really want the relationship 2 work then you will make it work out no matter what. Sometimes when you love someone you have to let go of the things you believe in or love to BE with the one you love. I've learned you can't have it all in life. You can either have one or the other, and you have to give up so many things to be with the one you love. I have def. risked so much and given up so much to be with my BF, and it will all be worth it in the end.
But like I said. If you love him you'll let him go. BC if it's just to painful to live your life day-to-day then you're going to eventually have to say goodbye to truly live your life to the fullest.
I wish you luck in any decision that you make.
2007-02-08 17:54:39 · answer #4 · answered by sepulfact01 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You two are not good for each other. You both want to be in a relationship, but it sounds like you do not necessarily want to be with each other. You could work on the personality issues, but why bother when you are so different? I think the main thing here is what is not going to change: you said you had different core values. Counseling is not going to help this. You need to both move on and find people you have more in common with.
2007-02-08 17:48:07 · answer #5 · answered by Cris O 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
putting too many 'labels' on everything. agree to be more willowy with one another...bend. how did you get together? why dont you two go back to the beginning of your relationship. if you concentrate on that 'sweetheart' kind to each other stage while talking over the core values, fundamentals you both need and feel comfortable with on a daily basis...you might be able to clear things up and find a peaceful place to root your budding relationship. try role reversal, repeating a question or statement the other said until its comprehensible. try not to be over emotional. have an emotional IQ about things. life and love can be simple if you make it so. I hope you work it out. peace
2007-02-08 17:57:54 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If the two of you were married, then seeking and finding a compromise that is acceptable to both of you would have been the best solution to your problem.
But when there is no marriage or family obligations, then it's better to find a better relationship instead of trying to fix the one that doesn't work well.
When you start out with something that is broken, then you end up fixing it again and again without end.
2007-02-08 17:56:54 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds such as you may advance up and date a guy no longer somewhat boy who nevertheless loves his toys you cant exchange the guy you're relationship all you're able to do is choose a individual who's right for you and build on that if youre already having considerable subject concerns with a guy so early interior the relationship it could advise it rather isn't the wonderful guy for you and btw punctuation helps people who examine what you wrote it replaced into invented for a reason merely sayin
2016-11-02 23:15:47 · answer #8 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Connect with each other more often and then maybe your problems will be fixed.
or
Maybe you should dump him because he always lets you down.
Yes, life is painful because that is the way people made me to be.
2007-02-08 17:55:45 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
your therapist will tell you to come to a compromise. you chill out with the high maintenance routine, and he tries a little harder.
2007-02-08 17:47:10 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋