We are a family of 6. I have 3 children from my first marriage and we have child together. My question is does anybody else have a relationship like this and how is it going for you? I find that my husband picks a bit more on my 3 and spoils the heck out the 1 we had together, this is his only child. But she is my fourth and I am mom to all of them, I feel like I am having to defend the others all the time and I don't feel that is right. we have been married for 15 years and the kids ages are now 23,20,18 and 12 and now 1 grand daughter and another any day now. Just wondering if anyone else goes thru this?
2007-02-08 17:05:10 · 4 answers · asked by C C 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I can understand your frustration, I went through a similar situation. I was with my husband ever since my eldest was 2 yrs old. When he was 8 I had my second born which was my husbands first biological son. He was always really strict with my eldest, while his child could do no wrong. They are now grown men, but the eldest still is resentful for the differences in treatment. He mellowed with his strictness of the older child when the second one came along, but there was still differences in treatment. I continually brought it up to my husbands attention, and he would say, "I was a little hard...maybe I'm just mellowing down now". In any case, the second child was a little more difficult for me to handle, because of his Dad. He thought he could say or do anything he wanted, and it was okay. Gradually, he learned maybe he could with his Dad, but not with me. They have both grown to be responsible adults, but it took a lot of talking and talking and talking....
Don't give up, and continue to defend your other children..tell your husband he is actually doing at disservice not only to your first three, but to his own too. They are all brothers and sisters, and they should be treated with love and respect. The youngest may even feel bad for the other children.
2007-02-09 01:59:53 · answer #1 · answered by sassy_395 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that maybe you could try some counseling...
He may have a lack of a bond with the older children...
But, I think that he may have a lack of understanding of the depth of need for the children to feel approved in their lives...
And at times, counseling is the only way to express that need
There is no telling why he responds that way...it could be something that someone said to him before you all got together...or it could be that he has a problem bonding with people out side of his immediate circle....
So, I think that you could address the issue in a sensible manner considering those elements...and see if that helps out some...
I grew up in a home where I was the only child that was born to my mom and dad together...(like your 12 year old)...and I never saw my dad treat my moms kids different...but I did notice that my mom would financially provide for my dads kids....but she never really bonded emotionally....and I think that was because she didn't know how to...(her parents never really bonded with her...so she never really was a kid lover...but I got the best because of my position...as the baby...)
But..I think that you are right...the other kids do need to feel accepted...but just make sure that you keep your head level...so you can express how you feel sensibly....
2007-02-09 01:21:42 · answer #2 · answered by LIFECOACH 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband has been dad to the first 3 since they were quite young, so maybe he is just spoiling 'the baby' the way we all spoil our babies.
2007-02-09 01:23:00 · answer #3 · answered by Cris O 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What you described is very common in blended families, you are not alone! Please consider joining these yahoo groups for blended families. The members can give you advice and support as they are in your same shoes:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Step-Support/
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/stepmoms/
Good Luck!
2007-02-09 02:30:02 · answer #4 · answered by Ruby V 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋