My best friend is getting married in September this year and has asked me and one of our other friends to be bridesmaids at her wedding. Problem is, over the past few months, the other bridesmaid has totally distanced herself from our entire group of friends (this seemed to start when she moved out with her bf - who doesn't get along with us despite our efforts to include him).I know the bride is upset and hurt by the fact that despite saying she still wants to be part of the bridal party, the bridesmaid hasn't showed any care or interest in the bride, never bothering to visit or even call to see how she is, nor offer to help with the wedding plans. She even ditched the bride's 21st birthday party to stay with her bf at home! Personally, I'm appalled by the other bridesmaid's actions and really want to advise the bride (and my best friend) to ditch her and find a new, more deserving bridesmaid. Do you think it's the right thing for me to do or should I butt out and say nothing??
2007-02-08 14:28:23 · 15 answers · asked by Nat 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
A bride's maid is supposed to help advise the bride in her relationship with her new husband. To be someone that the bride can trust and confide in. If this girl is not caring about the bride before she gets married how is she supposed to help her in her marriage? I would as a bride's maid talk to the bride about this other bride's maid and encourage her to either talk to this girl and straighten things out or to find another girl who she knows will fulfill being a bride's maid before and after the wedding. Also remind the bride that a friendship is at stake so be careful with her wording and do it out of love not out of hurt feelings. Good luck!
2007-02-08 15:03:11 · answer #1 · answered by Always Hopeful 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand that she is a friend, apparently was a pretty good one since the bride asked her to be an attendant.
She is not being a very good friend to completely ignore the ones she has, particularly the bride, who needs things to go as smoothly as possible during the planning stages of her wedding.
A bridesmaid (even moreso, a friend), should be excited about and interested in her role in the wedding, and should not add to the stress. Since she has distanced herself from your group, won't visit, and won't call, it sounds like she is no longer interested in participating. Since she didn't show at the party, it seems like she has put her friendships on hold in favor of the boyfriend.
Before removing her from the wedding party, I would call (maybe you can be present to give moral support to the bride) and ask her outright: Because the wedding is getting closer, I need to finalize my plans. Since I haven't heard from you lately, I just wanted to ask if you were still interested in being a bridesmaid?
(Or whatever you feel is best to say.)
Whether your friend says yes or no will make it possible for the bride to move on with her plans either way. You may even have an opportunity to speak to your friend about her abscence.
Hope this helps!
2007-02-08 15:28:42 · answer #2 · answered by 1985 & going strong 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave it alone. Both the Bride and the other Bridesmaid are most likely having a hard time with this. The bridesmaid may be feeling like she is caught between the two.
2007-02-08 15:03:23 · answer #3 · answered by Mrs Baker 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can bring it up to her, tell her how you see things in your eyes. But if she still says she wants her in there, theres really nothing you can do, but be there for the bride. The bride will know who was there for her and who wasnt. If the other bridesmaid is being selfish and rude than let her be, theres not much to do about it. Just remember who you wont be having in your wedding party on your wedding day.
2007-02-08 14:39:40 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's best to say nothing. I imagine that the bride is easily aware that her friend is letting her down and that she is disappointed about that so there is no need to point it out. Just be the supportive friend that you are and the rest of you enjoy the festivities together. The "crappy" bridesmaid is just missing out on an incredible time with her friend who thought enough of her to include her. It's her loss. Just ignore her inability to be a true friend and YOU just enjoy the whole wedding experience and make wonderful memories with your friend!!!
2007-02-08 14:34:50 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
I would just be the best bridesmaid you can be., It is unfair that this all falls on you, but be a good friend and deal with it. I suggest trying to keep the bad bridesmaid in the loop with what you are doing and give her the opportunities to be involved, that way it can never be turned around on you excluding her.
2007-02-08 15:11:19 · answer #6 · answered by Sara K 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should "butt out" as you say!! It is not your wedding. This is your best friends' day and she should call the shots right down to who her attendants are and who they are not. Just be supportive and keep your mouth shut!! You don't want others talking about you behind your back and I am sure your other friends wouldn't like it either. It is time for everyone to grow up and act like adults. This is a wedding that should be filled with memories that will last forever!! Not bickering and arguing and fighting.
2007-02-08 16:49:26 · answer #7 · answered by Cindy Roo 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow thats just harsh and cruel. If she treats your friend that way, she doesnt even desevrve to talk to her. You guys gave her chances, but she blew them, so just kick her off the Bridal Party!! I mean she doesnt really show any interest in the bride, and its a special day. Dont let her ruin it.. Good Luck!
2007-02-08 14:50:05 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't say anything until after the wedding. I was a maid of honor and one of the girls refused to participate in planning the shower and gave me an attitude when I asked her to chip in. I told my friend afterwards and she pretty much had an idea of what was going on. but once you ask someone to be in your wedding its hard to unask them. It's not worth it to upset your friend more before the wedding, she's already stressed. Maybe drop hints so she can see for herself but i wouldn't get into anything till afterwards.
2007-02-08 14:38:25 · answer #9 · answered by pchiz 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The bride needs to make that decision. It is HER wedding, and nobody else's, therefore she is entitled to have whoever she wants as a maid. (even if that maid sucks). Just suck it up and good luck!
2007-02-09 00:39:30 · answer #10 · answered by Mimi 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋