my brother broke up with his girlfriend who he's been with for about 4 years and a week later his bestfriend died of cancer. his friend was in the hospital and my brother only visited him about 3 times since he was always with his gf he didnt really think of what a great friendship that was slipping from his hands. and now he feels guilty for not being there for his friend as much as he should have been. what do i tell him regarding his friend to make him feel better?
2007-02-08 13:59:32 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
A tragic life lesson. You cannot change what has happened, but you can encourage him to be thankful for the friendship he had. He needs to forgive himself and treat the next good friend with a new-found respect. After all, acquaintances come and go, but real friends are few and far between. As far as the girlfriend, life will go on with that ... It is unfortunate that it all happened so close together. There are no magical words to change what has happened, just love your brother and be there when he needs to talk. Maybe go out and do something with him ... You are a great sister to care so much!
2007-02-08 14:08:37 · answer #1 · answered by daffodil 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to remind him, guilt doesn't help anything. We as people do things, and later wonder why??? It's normal... If his girlfriend was fighting about wanting him to be with her and not go and visit... thats one thing... he can learn a very hard lesson from. If he was the one who made the choice not to go, then he needs to take a look back on, was it really his girl? Or was it him unable to face the reality of life, which is suck *** more than not?
I hope this helps, I've lost someone very close to me as well.
And please remind him... grief takes a slow process of healing.
And Guilt is a big one to over come... but time heals all and remind him everything is for a season. And this to shall pass.
2007-02-08 14:12:51 · answer #2 · answered by Heather 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Remind him that hind-sight is always 20/20. There was no way he could foresee this happening before they split up, and before his friend passed away. Sometimes life just doesn't go the way you want it to.
Personally, I believe that our loved ones never really leave us. I'm not into talking to the air though, so when I lost a close relative once, and I didn't get to say good-bye, I wrote him a letter. I poured my guts out and wrote all the things I wished I could have/shoud have/didn't say. I kept it in my drawer for a week or so, and then I burned it. Somehow it still felt good to get it out.
2007-02-08 14:11:14 · answer #3 · answered by ~Biz~ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
His friend probably understood, especially if they are close in age.....personal relationships tend to take over your life....and your brother probably did'nt expect him to die...we don't always know how bad things are....
There probably isn't too much you can say....he is grieving for his friend and probably will for a long time....just try to encourage him that you think his friend understood...that your brother couldn't know the future and what would happen....etc. sometimes saying too much can be worse than just being there for him right now.
Also....your brother could do a lot by being there for his friend's family...especially after awhile....his parents will appreciate that he hasn't forgotten....maybe can help them in some way....and that would make your brother feel better too.
2007-02-08 14:18:18 · answer #4 · answered by samantha 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him you love him and you'll be there for him--try to stay with him as much as possible. Get him involved with a hobby or something that will get his mind off of his woes. If he doesn't respond to anything like that take him to a doctor for treatment of depression. You might do that sooner than later BTW.
2007-02-08 14:13:51 · answer #5 · answered by Mr_B 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
console your brother. tell him to say something nice at the friend's funeral. tell him to stop feeling guilty and do some charitable for the friend...like open a charity for him or something.that will help your brother to feel less guilty.
2007-02-08 14:08:00 · answer #6 · answered by atahsina 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just let him know that you are there for him and he shouldn't feel down because his friend would have wanted him to be happy.
2007-02-08 14:56:02 · answer #7 · answered by ktopping23 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't tell him anything other than the fact that you will be there for him no matter what... and perhaps "this too shall pass"
2007-02-08 14:03:52 · answer #8 · answered by lissa2882 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
that's sad.. but tell him that's life,
dont blame himself coz its useless..
that's lesson of life, just learn from experience, and dont do that again...
gud luck ^_^
2007-02-08 14:07:14 · answer #9 · answered by wEnNy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is now in need of a professional, not you.
2007-02-08 14:05:26 · answer #10 · answered by devid 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋