Ok here goes. I went out with my fiance and my single friend last weekend. later in the night my friend came up to me telling me that she felt uncomfortable because my fiance was hitting on her (ex: when are we going to get naked? When are we going to have a threesome?) I guess i am just looking for some to tell me if this is just him being a jerk or is he serious about wanting to get with her.
History - my friend is my ex husbands sister. my fiance and i have been together for 2 years and he just says he was joking. But she is making it seem so much worse. AAAHHH i hate this feeling of not knowing what i should do.
2007-02-08 13:46:13 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
First, she's probably making more out of it then it is because people love other people's drama... it gives them something to talk about and makes them feel better about their life.
Second, your fiance is being serious, he thinks she is hot and would love to have sex with her, and with her AND you at the same time in particular.
Is that wrong? No. Not in my mind. Just because he is in love with you doesn't mean he doesn't find anyone else sexually attractive just like I'm sure you find other men sexually attractive and it in no way diminishes how much you love him.
The difference is he's vocalizing it and you probably aren't. And his vocalizing it (and the way he is going about it - which by the way is being a jerk) is making you uncomfortable.
You need to sit down and have a talk. Being nonjudgmental of each other and each other's fantasies, but also let him know that although you don't expect him to stop looking at other women (because that would of course be unreasonable since I'm sure you still check-out other guys), he doesn't have to be a jerk about it.
Also, why is he telling your friend he wants to have a threesome with her and you and not telling you that one of his fantasies is a FMF threesome? Being an experienced swinger I'll tell you that he is going about it completely backwards. If he wants it, he simply should tell you this is his fantasy and let you do the rest if it is something that turns you on, too. He can't "arrange" it for himself with whomever he wants.
A threesome is something you do AS A COUPLE and therefore it is something where as partners-in-crime you both chose another person of both of your liking. It may not be your friend. He'll have to deal with that.
The way he is going about this isn't as something for both of you... he's going about it as if it's for him. Wrong, wrong, wrong.
It's like eating a pizza. You both go out to a restaurant you both decided on and you then and decide what toppings you want on your pizza, you order it and eat it together. Sometimes one person is hungrier than the other and eats more pizza than the other, and sometimes is visa-versa. In the end it all balances out. That is how successful swinging works. It's 50/50. It's completely equal for both partners in the relationship.
The way he's going about it he's chosen the restaurant, he's chosen the toppings, and he wants to eat the whole pizza while you watch.
Basically he's thinking about himself and what he wants only and isn't thinking about you and your fantasies. But, most people (both men and women) are selfish like this and is the reason many people report bad experiences with swinging (including threesomes). Because they are in it for only one member of the relationship instead of both of them. One person is "convinced", "coerced", or "manipulated" into doing it instead of it being something both people want to do.
I hope that helps. Take it easy on him, he's just thinking only of himself (typical of younger men) and is just being a jerk. He'll grow out of it, but you need to set the boundaries and let him know you think he is being a jerk.
2007-02-09 05:46:45 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Can you trust your friend (ex husband's sister)? Just because she said it, doesn't mean it's true. Sounds like a he-said, she-said. I guess it comes down to who do you trust more? I would be wary of your fiance if he really did say those things.. it doesn't sound like he's very serious about your relationship. Not necessarily cheating, but probably thinking about it!
2007-02-08 14:04:48 · answer #2 · answered by cheesevilleusa 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey in case you have already got evidence he's cheating ("So i think of my bf is cheating doing the internet situation I do have evidence, yet he hides his "cookies" temp archives which could hint what you're doing on line.. ") why might you elect to proceed torturing your self searching for extra evidence? merely kick him to the cut back noone merits to be cheated on. i be attentive to its much less complicated mentioned than executed because of the fact i'm specific you like him, yet love your self extra. No guy is ever well worth your tears.
2016-11-02 22:51:45 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Does he usually joke like that with your female friends? If not, I would seriously take this as a red flag. Having been down this road myself, my feeling is that he was serious and would have slept with your friend if she had been game. In my case, I ignored signs that my fiance was cheating and married him. Bad mistake. He slept with most of my friends, not to mention his coworkers. He even brought me home a nice little STD. Of course, hindsight is 20/20. Fidelity was and is very important to me, as I'm sure it is to you. If you ignore this red flag, you will most likely regret it. Good luck to you.
2007-02-08 14:11:16 · answer #4 · answered by kim s 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Even if he was joking, that's not an appropriate joke if he's engaged to you... I would have a serious talk with him and possibly break up with him, depending on how that talk went...
2007-02-08 14:01:12 · answer #5 · answered by F.J. 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
IF HE SAID IT AND WAS JOKING IT WAS NOT FUNNY. EVEN JOKING , THAT IS VERY DISRESPECT UL TO SAY TO ANOTHER WOMAN. HAS ANYTHING LIKE THIS HAPPEN BEFORE? ONLY YOU KNOW IN YOUR HEART IF YOU WANT TO STAY WITH THIS GUY OR NOT. DOESN'T SOUND LIKE A JOKE TO ME AND IF YOU FRIEND DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING TO YOU, HOW FAR WOULD HE REALLY HAVE GONE. GO WITH YOUR GUT FEELING
2007-02-08 13:54:53 · answer #6 · answered by FRECKLES 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to talk to him and get his truthful answer correct.he better get his act straight or your going to have to let the engagement go. no engaged guy should ever say that to one of your friends espessially when engaged. that is so flirting and you better tell him to stop or the engagement is over.and you also need to tell your friend or whoever she is to get her act straight as well and keep her away from your fiance.
2007-02-08 13:53:45 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
it sounds like he wasnt kidding. be careful for what he says next, and keep an eye out.
2007-02-08 14:01:14 · answer #8 · answered by confused 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
GO AHEAD AND HAVE A THREESOME LIKE HE WANTS
2007-02-08 13:51:13 · answer #9 · answered by Nick S 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
all guys are the same liars and cheaters...
2007-02-08 13:55:12 · answer #10 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋