I've been in this relationship now for 2 years & have fallen in love with this man ... mostly because when I met him, he was a much different person ... he was responsible, had a job, & made his daughter a priority. Here's the timeline:
- His parents passed away & he received an inheritance ... he quit his job 1-1/2 years ago & has not worked since
- He has admittedly "hung out" with a girl he met when he travelled one time -- two weeks after he told me he loved me.
- He has let his finances go ... he now gets collection calls and has let his vehicle get repossessed
- His ex-wife has had to take him to court in order to get him active in his daughter's life again
- We have split up 3 times & gotten back together (with my convincing) -- 2 of these 3 times he slept with his ex girlfriend 4 days after we broke up.
There's much more, but in a nutshell it seems that he is using me ... he says he wants to get married and have a life with me, but I don't seem to be any motivation.
2007-02-08 11:02:56 · 6 answers · asked by anon2009 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Oh, and he goes out 3 nights a week and on most occasions, gets home at 1-2 am. He has this "I will do what I want when I want" type attitude, even though I tell him that the things that he does bother me. The age difference between us is 5 years ...
2007-02-08 11:04:16 · update #1
man o man give him the boot.he just droped out of life. you have to start a new life
2007-02-08 11:08:54 · answer #1 · answered by freeman3905@sbcglobal.net 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems that the one that you've fallen in love, and have grown to like his good qualities & personalitythat he has once had. Sadly, the one you loved and cared for has been going down hill. He is not the same. Time has passed and he is not growing as a person, nor is he productive in life. Not in his purpose. But stagnant.Stuck. You see no motivation.
Thinking on this, now: Would this be a good partner in marriage? Would this be a good friend to lift you when YOU ARE down? Would this be a great leader for a child? Would this be a great provider, or at least bringing something to the table financially?
sadly, no.. :(
When someone is so low, they cant help another up. When someone is so down they cant ever be in such a position, usually, to pick you up.
The conclusion...To completely abandon him, in his low time, if it is for only a time,
is not the answer.
But... break up. A break from people reveals the wisest thing to do many times. I would break up the serrious relationship level.
I would keep in touch. I would let him know that I am there. But to say you are "together" is too much. It takes two whole people to make a good partnership. But when one is stagnant, and broken, and not trying to come up higher, then this person will draw tooooo much outta you, as a person. He needs to be whole, and you need to be whole to make a relationship that complements eachother. Total abandonment not good, not wise. You care for this person. It makes sense to step back, and let this relationship be on a friendship level. Cutting the sex out of the relationship can reveal alot about a person too. It somehow cuts the very very strong emotional ties that are formed, and can cause it to be harder for us to see a person for what they are. And watch him for a while.You are wise to list out the pros and cons of this relationship. He is down now, and it seems for a while.Many people find another love later in life, and it is soooo unexpected. This is not the end of you love life.
A broken person that is expected to play a serious role like partner/mate to me, can serve as a sort of block on me. I mean this: Picture a garden. You are a plant meant for growth. But this stagnant and stuck guy can serve as a brick or block over your ground. But when you disengage your self, or bring this relationship to a friendship level, then it will be as if you have removed the block.
When a brick is removed from a plant, it blooms so much more. It is not as though you are not a growing person. But you were made to bloom. remove blocks that dont help to push you into your full potential. Men can serve as blocks, if they are broken.
Wishing you the best...your book is not complete yet...more to come for you.
-anna..Died met Jesus :)
2007-02-08 19:26:04 · answer #2 · answered by Mark My Words 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel for you.
I was with this wonderful man and then he changed.
My advice is that, if you have talked to him about it and given him chances and he still wont change or at least give a little effort, leave. You deserve the best and if he is not giving it to you then get out. If you are lucky like me, he will realize what he had (eventually) and call you and really want to make it work. But if you are also lucky like me, you will realize that he should have known better when he had the chance :)
2007-02-08 19:13:31 · answer #3 · answered by Shannon M 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't see how after telling us all this, that you are still in love with this man. You know he will not change. He has broken promises and trust with you and you still take him back. You are either a glutton for punishment or so naive not to know any better!
2007-02-08 19:10:05 · answer #4 · answered by WENDY G 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If hes like this now he will be the same way if you marry each other and have kids. Hope it helps???????
2007-02-08 19:07:43 · answer #5 · answered by Un-Happy Gilmore 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds really bad ! move on,the pain gets worser later !
2007-02-08 19:08:13 · answer #6 · answered by Aquarius/Purple 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋