Long term depression... still battling?

Question

I'm now 30 and have had depression (in as much as it can really be summed up by that one word) on and off since I was 15. In recent years I've tried to live with it and find that I'm happier when I'm out and about, doing stuff, meeting people and focused on things, although I burn out quickly (got through a degree but no good at 9-5). I've also had sleeping problems, either needing too much sleep or insomnia, and fatigue. I've now set up a business which I run from home and which is fun (when I've actually got real work going on), but which also sees me mainly at home, on my own, in front of the PC. It goes with the territory, but it does drain me of energy to the point where I'm very low. I should probably go for a walk once a day, but somehow it feels like a distraction, pointless and a confirmation of how alone I am (even though, literally, I'm not, as I do have a husband and family). I try to be positive, eat well, do fun things, but I'm just so tired of having to try so hard.

I ahould add that I've tried every method of combating depression known to man: various anti-depressants (which didn't work in the long term), hypnotherapy, counselling, coaching, etc.

Answer 1

Hello there. I have exactly the same problem as you!! I too am happier when I am out and about, and keeping myself busy and focused on other things.I also acheived a degree in social sciences. My sleep patterns are the same as yours. Some people tend to think that, because I am able to focus and keep busy on doing stuff, that I am not really suffering from depression. If only they could understand how I feel! I think we all get tired of having to try so hard. But we all have to keep on going, especially if we have partners and family to consider. I don't want to let my partner and family down.
It sounds to me like you are coping admirably my friend! You are not alone. There are alot of us coping with, and managing depression. Because I am having the same problems as you, I am finding it difficult to help you find some sort of solution. Someone has told me to write down my feelings in a journal, and go back over them at a later date when we are feeling more positive; then we can see how 'irrational' our feelings can be sometimes. I think it's all about putting things into perspective, and doing our best not to beat ourselves up about how we feel. I know that I tend to feel guilty at how my depression is affecting those close to me; then this makes me worse sometimes.
I know it is hard, but keep up the good work, you are coping; even if it doesn't feel like you are alot of the time.
Feel free to email me if you need a 'kindred spirit' who understands where you are coming from.
I wish you all the best! :o)

Answer 2

I wish I could be of more help. I've battled depression too, it's no joking matter. To just "live with it" is plain sad. I can say what really helped me was being with complete strangers. Odd, I know. Try volunteering somewhere, this may sound a little off but concentrating on something other than yourself like helping other people works wonders! Which is why you feel better when you're out and about. Working from home can be dibilitating(sp). People with depression need interaction. Do yourself a favor, go for that walk. Even though it might seem like your alone while walking, remind yourself that's just a "feeling" and it's not real because you are not alone. If you can remember that what you "feel" isn't your reality you should do better. I thought I was going to have another bout with depression during the holiday season this year but I spent a lot of time working through it. It's not easy! Best wishes to you. Exercise, eat right, and tell yourself you're not alone because you're not. Volunteer!

Answer 3

I have been depressed, on and off, for about 16 years. Last summer I went to get some help and started seeing a counsellor. 8 months on and I am making real progress now. It can be done.

The things that are helping me are:

Diet: I have stopped eating junk food all together and try and eat clean now. Fresh food, tons of fruit and veg with loads of nutrients. I think junk food is extremely bad for the brain.

Cut out alcohol and caffeine: Alcohol is a depressant and the low I get after drinking means it is just not worth doing. Caffeine makes my mind race which is not good, my sleeping has improved no end since I cut these things out.

Exercise: Do some every day. I run nearly every day, lift weights at home or at the gym or I just walk to and from work instead of taking the bus or driving. You must do some exercise.

Keep going: You must force yourself to go out and be around people even if you don't feel like it. Go to work or join clubs/take classes.

Realise the world is not against you: Everyone is rooting for you to get over this. Just take small steps every day, count your blessings every day and know that there are millions of people out there worse off than you. I know that sometimes this can make you feel worse because it means you cannot logically explain why you are depressed, but I think that when this lighbulb comes on the depression lifts.

Answer 4

I'm really sorry to hear about how things are going. On the other hand, there is a part of me that wants to tell you my thoughts honestly, but they are hard. Like telling a fat person they need to do some exercise, it's hard, but it is right.

I was depressed some years ago and beat it, all because I found the cause and worked against it. There are many things that can make you feel down, but only one thing that can make you depressed. Selfishness. (there, I said it!)

When you get down thinking about things, I doubt you are thinking about other people's problems, just your own. Contrast this with psychology studies that show people who follow religion tend to be happier. Religion's mainly try to get you to be good to others.

I'm not saying you should start with religion, that's not needed. But try to think about those worse off than you. Not just for a second, but for 5 minutes in the morning and in the evening. Then ask yourself if you can do more, be better, and try to help anyone you see with a problem. Hold this attitude throughout the day, for as long as possible. Remind yourself.

Soon your own problems will have some perspective, your brain will be releasing lots of serotonin from kind thoughts, and your life will have real meaning. I hope this works for you too.

Answer 5

It's hard trying to stay above that depression isn't it? It like a everyday battle to stay on top of it. I've been off work after an operation and find that the people I worked with kept me going with the business and buzz of conversation. Now I'm home, I thought I would love it, but I'm quite low. I think your right that being occupied or even just getting out is the key for us. Maybe we just have to accept that thats our make-up and that's the way to keep ourselves going. Good luck and be happy. I also know how you feel by feeling alone even though we have family.

Answer 6

I just wanted to say that you're not alone. I've been on antidepressants for over 8 years and right now, I have a very bad bout of depression. You have to understand that unfortunately, there is no cure for depression and that it is, like you say, a long-term battle. It sounds grim, but just accepting that fact (while getting help for it of course) will make you at least not beat yourself up about it. You need to realize that you will have good days and bad days, your depression will return, will go away, etc., etc. That's all very normal (in the realm of depression anyway!!) So the worst thing you can do is beat yourself up about it. Yes, you have depression, yes you'll have to battle it probably for the rest of your life, yes you (and I) have to try extra hard to feel the way normal people feel, but that's just the card we've been dealt. I think it would help if you just come to terms with the fact that you have this illness and it will take a lot of you to live a normal life...once you accept that on some level, in a strange sort of way, you'll feel better. I don't know if that makes sense. But it's something that has helped me. It's basically about not fighting your depression, but helping yourself deal with it better. It's a lot easier to deal with something when you're at peace with it than when you're trying to attack yourself or feel sorry for yourself that you have to try extra hard and other don't, etc., etc. It's very easy to fall into that mindset and I'm in no way saying it's easy living with depression. Believe me, I know what a monster it is and what it can do to a person. So please don't think I'm making light of your struggles. All I'm saying is accept that you do indeed have to try harder than most people, but go ahead and try. Try, try, try and maybe someday, it won't seem like such a challenge. It'll become routine. To me and you, it must sound like a drag to have to give yourself shots of insulin everyday, but to a diabetic, it's as routine as can get. I know depression is much more complicated and difficult, but it's the same concept. Sorry I was all over the place with this answer, but I hope it helped somewhat. Just know that you're not alone and that I really feel for what you're going through. I wish you all the best.

Answer 7

I've tried meds before for depression (which I've dealt with myself for years) and found them inneffective and loaded with unwanted side effects. However, I've found that taking St. John's Wort three times a day has worked wonders, along with a healthy diet and exercise. I know what you mean about the walks, they just seem pointless, but forcing yourself to do more exercise does help mood quit a bit and you'll also feel less sluggish throughout the day ( a symptom of my depression). But again, try the St.John's Wort. Give it a about a month to really kick in and you may find yourself very satisfied with the results.

Answer 8

It sounds like you might benefit from those long walks you aren't taking because the exercise will help you feel better in the short run and sleep better in the long run. If you can afford the time and the cost, maybe you could take a vacation. You sound like you have a really chronic case of depression and it's going to take everyting you've got to get out of it. AS far as therapy goes, it sounds like you would be perfect for group therapy so you could constantly reaffirm that you are not alone. See if you could arrange for that to see if it helps. Good luck. My heart goes out to you.

Answer 9

You sound just like me, and I know what you mean about "getting out there" to feel better, and I know how hard it is, but you have to think about the good things in your life. Thats how I do it. I try to remember that life is worth all the hard times I've been through because of the good times I've been blessed with. I try to add spontaneity to my life, to jumpstart my mind and body and it doesn't always work, but I just focus on the fact that life is a rollercoaster, and right now might be really low, but eventually its gotta come up again. Good luck and keep fighting!

Answer 10

If you were prescribed antidepressants 15 years ago when you were 15 they would have been tricyclic ones (as these were the only ones around then). Have you tried the newer SSRI ones? Or SNRI ones?
St John's wort?

Perhaps you should consider going to India for three months to try the hippy lifestyle.
One theory of depression is that it is fueled by anger directed towards yourself. I don't know whether this is the case, but why not find something you hate, such as those who do animal testing, and redirect your anger at them. So for example you could become a person who vandalises the cars of life sciences company executives, and daub paint on the walls of Oxford Uni colleges that suppot them. You could prepare and send some letter bombs... (OK maybe that's going a little too far)