My boyfriends daughter lives with her mother. We don't think shes cared for properly. Will Social Serv. help?

Question

She always comes to us with clothes that are stained, too small and smell of smoke. She never knows the last time she had a bath and has b.o and oily hair. She's almost 7 years old and her mom has 2 smaller ones with another guy that she's married to. When we pick her up, the other ones are dirty and half the time are playing in the street. They are all well fed and I don't think she gets spanked, but she told me that when her mom gets mad at her she will tell her to pack her bags and to live with her dad. She tells us all sorts of stories about how her mom let her have a drag off her cigarette and how she has coffee for breakfast. Her mother even told us to bring her coffee for her for breakfast on her first day of school. It just goes on and on how ridiculous the things she does are. If someone were to contact social services would they actually do anything since she isn't being physically or sexually abused?

Her mother's husband joined the army and now they are filing to take her out of state. 900 miles away. If permission is granted we will only see her during the summer. Do the courts grant permission just so the mothers can be with the husbands even though her real father is here and willing to care for her?

The mother is impossible to deal with. She always finds ways to keep her from us on our schedule visits and never allows us to have her any more than what the divorce decree permits. We do have an attorney, but I don't think it looks to promising.

Answer 1

That is AWFUL!! I have a seven year-old child, and I must say that a child that age wouldn't just come up with things like that on her own.

This is the best advice I can give you...go see a lawyer! DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT! Write down everything that is occurring, the date that she tells you things, and TAKE PICTURES!! Proof is what you need to gain custody of this child...

I once wrote an anonymous letter to the Social Services regarding a child in the same situation, and the Social Services did investigate that situation as well. That child's house was FILTHY--and when I say FILTHY...UUUGGHHH!

Also, speak with her teacher. Find out how she is doing academically. Speak to the school guidance counselor concerning her living situation. They are obligated by law to report thing like neglect and abuse. Just be careful that you don't look like the step-parent who is trying to stir up the pot.

Answer 2

They'll look into it and if they see that she needs parenting classes,they will see to it that she attends.The only way that her children would be taken from her, is if the mother is a prostitute and a drug addict.Even then,if she's hooked on drugs they will make the mother go into Rehab.After her time in Rehab they will allow the the mother to visit with her children in a Foster home or with Foster parents as long as she remains clean(free from drugs).They'll allow her so much time to clean up her act,then they will release the kids back to their mother.If they are being abused physically or sexually they will be removed from their home,after the trial the Judge will decide if the non-custodial parents will be able to keep the children.Good Luck it's a sad world out there.------2- Hire an Attorney-ASAP!If he's paying child support ,they can't take the child out of state without permission.Check your state laws.

Answer 3

That's a really tough one. As a teacher I've reported several different situations to CPS. Only a few have had any actions taken. I reported one little boy who suddenly began to show up to school filty, hungry and tired. The principal said "If I reported all the kids who came to school dirty, I'd have to report half the school!"
These kids sound like they are neglected. Hopefully, social service will agree and at least recommend some parenting classes.
By the way, this little girls is blessed to have a loving female caretaker in her life. I'm worried about the others though.

Answer 4

You might want to speak with someone about your options. I don't know where you'd start...maybe you can speak with her teacher or the school counselor/psychologist.

Would mom consider letting your boyfriend care for the child more? If that's an option, perhaps you could find a mediator to help you work out the details.

I just think it's wonderful that you're concerned enough to see how you can help, though.

Answer 5

They should investigate. The child/children are not being cared for, properly. If you tell them, what you've written here, they will check out their circumstances. They may not remove the children, but require the mother to attend parenting classes.

Answer 6

I think that the welfare dept. would investigate your concerns, and probably would do something in the end. Even if only to warn the mother and her husband about keeping the children clean etc.