Can I ask a question to involved fathers?

Question

I guess women can answer if they want too.

I'm in my late 20's and I'm getting close to a time where I need to start thinking about fatherhood. I was wondering how it feels when your child is born and in the house. How does it feel? Is there a feeling that there's a stranger in the house? Do you feel overwhelmed with responsibility? Describe how it feels when baby comes home please.

Answer 1

Wow, reading all those fathers full of love from the begining can be humbling, but that wasnt my experience...

While my wife was pregnant i found the process kind of unreal, and never did, at that time, truely realise that my life was about to change. I mean, logically, i knew what was happening. I visited the ob with my wife, was at the ultra sounds, and even cut the cord of my first. Still, although i was there, and logically aware, i still hadnt processed what was going on.

If fact, I didnt have the instinctive connection everyone talks about having. The flooding of love and warmth. The ray of light didnt shine. The overwhelming desire to protect just wasnt there. I remember driving away from the hospital with my first, and stopping at a Denny's to get something to eat with my wife, and new son. In that moment i can remember looking at him in the carseat and thinking about how dumb i must look to everyone, with this kid in a seat, not knowing how to get him to shut up.

That didnt last forever, but it didnt change instantly either. I came to realise how much and intensely my love for my son was as I spent time with him. As i held him in my arms at night, and began to realise just how fragile he was, just how totally dependant on me, I began to realise that, although i never got the ray of light comming down feeling, I certainly wanted to do everything i could to make sure he had every opportunity i didnt have growing up. I wanted to protect him, make sure he was ok.

Dont get me wrong, there were frustrating days, and long nights, but to me they didnt seem so bad. Just something I had to do, so I did it. I still cant say i ever felt that ray of sunshine effect, but i can tell you my love for my children runs deep and strong. I cant tell you how much joy you can find in watching them discover things in life. Their little eyes just light up. Its defineatly a feeling of accomplishment and satisfaction.

That being said, I would strongly encourage you to find a parenting class in your area. Take it, and listen. Raising kids isnt complicated logically, but you need to be prepared. You need to have in mind what you want for your kids. What kind of people do you want to raise? Discipline is critical, without it kids think they know more than they do and get into situations where they can really get hurt. Not to mention the frustration that comes with kids that dont listen because they have no respect for your authority. Also consistency, kids thrive on consistency, and being able to predict whats going to happen in their lives. It helps them feel secure. Dont forget love. Kids know they are important when they get your time. Words are important, but time is more so. Its precious to your busy life, and more so to them. They understand that later in life.

I never did have the terrible time people describe with my kids. Nights werent a nightmare (they all slept the night through at 2 months) , walking wasnt a crazy time, the two's werent terrible, when we had more kids, there were no jealous fits. It is what you make it. Take that class, I personally found "Growing Kids Gods Way" to be my favorite, since it teaches fundamentals and concepts behind actions, but if you care, I doubt it matters too much, you can feel whats right.

Good luck in Fatherhood, your asking questions, thats a wonderful sign.
I wish you all the best.

Answer 2

If fatherhood is somewhere you want to be, it is the single greatest experience you can ever have in your life. I lived quite a life, and right beside meeting and marrying my wife, the birth of my little girl has been the greatest thing that could ever happen to me. There is nothing strange other than maybe realizing that you are finally a father when you've really wanted it. The feeling of being responsible for this gift is wonderful! I won't ramble on, for I could write a thousand pages of the wonder of fatherhood!

Answer 3

Get all the sleep you can now, dude.

The responsibility is a lot. You may be very tired and frustrated, and you will be amazed at how it fills your time. If you can afford it, or you can get a relative to help with the housekeeping, that will mean a lot in the first six months. Mom is only going to have time to care for the baby and to sleep. At first your bathroom might as well not even have a door- you'll be afraid to close it and leave them unsupervised.

At the same time, if you keep reasonably cool, understand your wife is going through the same thing, and you each do what you can to support each other, you can get through it.

You could see the child as a rival for your wife's affection, if you are not involved with caring for them. But if you let your loving side come out and share in all the nurturing, it will bring you together. There is a bond between mother and child that is special, but if you are there all the time, your baby will respond to you too.

Some say that a child is part of the mother for 9 months in the womb and 9 months afterwards. Children go through stages, and sometimes one parent will be closer, and sometimes the other. You both have something unique to give, and they have the right to receive it.

As for the baby- God only knows how much I have come to love my son and daughter. Babies are fun, but I always found myself looking forward to the time when I could have a conversation with them. And it happens day by day, unfolding miraculously a bit at a time. Growing up, my son and daughter were perhaps my favorite companions. Now that they're mostly grown I still feel that way.

If you listen to them, they will teach you things you could never learn any other way- compassion, a tolerance for chaos, and how to discard your dignity and play like a kid. Imagine putting on a giant cub scout uniform and parading around in public! You will do stuff like that, I guarantee it, and maybe aftrer a time, look back on it and smile, as I am doing right now, with even a little mist in my eyes.

An awesome responsibility, a colossal pain in the butt, and the greatest joy you can experience.

I recommend it to anyone who has already gotten over themselves- if they haven't, they're in for a shock. Good luck Daddy- and don't forget that kids are just as smart as you- they're only inexperienced.

Respect them. Help them. Always speak the truth to them, even when it hurts. Above all nourish them with your love. They will pay it back in spades, and though you may forget that during the teens, respect and love will get you all through it.

But don't turn your back on them, and don't let them gang up on you!

Answer 4

For me...the nervousness and strange ness was all before my sons were born. Once you see that little person all that goes away.....I never felt like my sons were strangers....it does take a little getting used to though....things like waking up and having a two year olds little eyes staring right back at you....that will make you jump the first time....or the getting up in the night when they first come home...those kind of things....but as far as responsibility....you don't think of it that way anymore.....you just act and do....as least that what i think.....

when the baby comes home, you are going to have some long nights as first.......with your first...the first couple of times you feed them, or burp them you might feel a little accward...but that goes away very fast.....you will be fine....

Answer 5

I don't ever recall it feeling strange, it has always felt warm and full of love... When my baby girl , first one, was born, I just could not stop looking at her.. She was so perfect . To me anyways.... Cute lil toes, big blue eyes, cute tiny lips , and the expressions were unforgettable... We bonded immediately and she is now nine years old and I am so proud of her... She is a great big sister, to her 6 year old sibling..
And my 6 year old, is just as sweet and oh so unique... No two are the same, but undeniably worth every worry they may ever make you feel.. And every ounce of stress , yes you will feel... From always wanting to make the best choices you can for them...
Waking up with them can be trying, but it is a time to really get to know them well... They grow fast and require much TLC, so I hope you have plenty to give, it has to be endless amounts of LOVE... Best wishes to you... I had my first at 27 years old, a good time to start, and they are two and a half years apart, which I feel made them perfect for being best friends... ♥ And they are...

Answer 6

It depends on what kind of man you are. A real man loves his kid's more than life and wants to protect and take very good care of them. If you are not sure then please don't have any! There are too many deadbeat dad's now! Leaving kid's with an emptiness in their heart.

Answer 7

I finally got an inkling of how my Heavenly Father thinks of me.

Answer 8

Its a strange feeling...you should feel it

Answer 9

ya it is strange then you don't know what you would do if they where not their