My sister had her first child at 20 with a man who left her while still pregnant, 4 yrs later wanted to be in my nephews life but what you can call a deadbeat dad (stupid child support complaints, and problems with visitation etc), needless to say she doesnt like him! 11 yrs later at 31she had a 2nd son to another man whom she is still with, her current bf and my sister constantly badmouth my 1st nephews dad in front of him, making him feel less loved and unfavoured because he is a result of this relationship, on top of that her current bf treats "his" son alot better than the oldest, constantly saying in front of him that the 18mth old is more capable than the 12yr old. Should i say something to my sister or her boyfriend or both? And how should i approach it? It really hurts me that my nephew feels this way, he is such a good kid!
2007-02-08 09:22:39 · 7 answers · asked by kezy87 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Another thing is im not really close to my sister as she is 14yrs older than me and we didnt grow up together so it can be hard to talk to her about "serious" stuff
2007-02-08 09:32:01 · update #1
Yes, you should say something. Maybe your sister doesn't even realize she is doing that to your nephew. I would say it when the bf is not around, just you and her. and don't attack her with it cause then she might get defensive and it'll turn into a huge fight. also, maybe even talk to your nephew. maybe show him that extra attention he is not getting at home. hope this helps a little.
2007-02-08 09:28:24 · answer #1 · answered by Steph E 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
That's really sad for your nephew. She probably doesn't even realize what she's doing but if her son is in emotional pain, she should know so she can stop it.
Invite her to lunch alone and have a friend to friend chat. It's a touchy situation though so you have to be careful about how you phrase things. Don't accuse her of anything or she'll jump on the defensive. Just tell her your worries and see if there's anything you can do to help. Maybe take your nephew away for a weekend or something. Tell her that you've noticed, or he's mentioned, that he's hurt in the situation. Be supportive to them and be someone she can talk to. Maybe she has noticed but doesn't know how to change the situation. Your opening the lines of communication could be her saving grace.
If she doesn't want to hear it or accept it, the only thing you can do is to talk to your nephew privately and tell him that he's a great kid (maybe you should do it anyway if you're not already). Tell him that it's not his fault that his dad was a jerk and that the b/f puts the nephew down because he's insecure himself. Let your nephew know that he has someone (you) that he can trust and turn to. He's old enough to have this conversation with and will most likely appreciate knowing you're on his side.
Good luck.
2007-02-08 17:40:45 · answer #2 · answered by Just Me Alone 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like your a very caring person. I dont think that either your sister or her boyfriend has realized that they are doing this to your nephew. I think you should take your sister aside, alone away from the house and talk to her, tell her your observaitions, let her know that you know she loves them both equaly and bring it to her getntly that she needs to give the older child a bit more possitive attention. Tell her that it isnt his fault for the mistakes she or her ex had made in the past. Children are so vulnerable to things. Make sure you empasise that your nephew does hear these hurtfull words and it will impact his future. Then if you feel comforetable become his mentor (nephew) give him postive feed back with everything he does.When your sister/ sisters bf says somthing bad back him up by telling him how to do somthing the right way, or when the bf states 18 month is better at somthing, let him know that you love him by giving postive feed back. Tell him that he is smart, tell him when he does things that are good. Take him out do things with him, with out excluding your new nephew. The dad to this 18month old sounds like he needs a kick in the butt, he needs to realize what he is doing to this boy. I wish you the best of luck. Keep talking to your nephew and letting him know that you love him.
2007-02-08 17:34:49 · answer #3 · answered by Mindy A 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
depending on the relationship you have with your sister - are you able to talk freely with her or does she tell you to but out for other things; it is very hard for a mother to hear she is doing wrong even if she is... i dont think talking to the bf will help, only make things worse.. maybe if you try to show the 12 year old a little more attention and boost him up it well his self image and see if you can privately discuss the situation with your sister in small stages... good luck.. i hope you can do something as it is a shame for the 12 year old, who probably feels bad, to be treated like this... he is at a very tender age..
2007-02-08 17:30:25 · answer #4 · answered by hcat 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course it hurts to see that, but other than mentioning how much it bothers you, there's not much you can do. Even so, they're probably not going to change how they're treating either child, and you'll just end up dragging your name through the mud.
2007-02-08 17:27:06 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes you should, but do it privately. Your sister and her BF are eroding your nephew's mind, and it's unhealthy.
2007-02-08 17:28:48 · answer #6 · answered by Craig T 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes or better yet, get someone they know and respect, your mother or father(uncle /aunt, pastor) and let them do the dirty job.
2007-02-08 17:28:23 · answer #7 · answered by tewarienormy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋